To never contribute £ to a person leaving work collection ever again?

[pawpawgingins]

Manager announced that the colleague is leaving and as usual, a card and collection.
I contribute £10 and wrote a lovely message.

I always contribute and always the same $ regardless of who it is UNLESS I had no interactions with the leaver at all which is rare.

< In my last job I used to do the ssme but used to do £5 since I earned a lot less (once the secretary told me that I was too generous because someone on 3x my wage gives only £3) but anyway…>

So I contributed £10 plus drinks at the pub. All good.

After 4 weeks of working somewhere else, colleague decides they don’t like their new job and asks the boss to come back. Since the position was still vacant with everybody else (includinv me) picking up the slack, colleague walks back as if they never left.

I mean, I know colleague shouldnt give anyone’s money back of course and it is not the future leavers fault and they shouldn’t be penalised but I’m massively put off now.

But having said that, when I left my last job, I did have some lovely gifts and a gift card which is no nice but I’m now thinking this culture should end.

Will feel super bad if I don’t contribute moving forward though, it is such a habit.

YANBU. I wouldn't donate to a collection as think a card will suffice! COL and all that....

I didn't even get a card when going on maternity leave even though I used to make sure others had a nice card signed by the team.

I transferred from my workplace to another branch after working there about five years, and my colleagues were lovely and got me a leaving gift, but after trouble with my new dept head, who wouldn't let me have time off for a trip that I'd already booked, my previous dept head, suggested that I quit at the other branch and come back to my old job, and jokingly offered me F1 tickets if I came back. I took up his suggestion and came back to that dept. One of my colleagues said to me in a jokey tone, that as I'd already had a leaving present from that workplace, not to expect another one from them the next time. I knew she was right, felt a little embarrassed but didn't expect to get another leaving present from them anyway. Was just happy to be back in my familiar job with my colleagues who all treated each other like family. I realised that this workplace where we all got on well with each other, was more important than moving to the branch that was closer to my home, and appreciated my colleagues and my boss for welcoming me back.
xxx

I stopped contributing years ago when I realised it's just one nasty popularity contest.

I only contribute to people in my very close team. Everyone else can jog on. Just as they can jog past me without recrimination.

What annoyed me was when I had 7 weeks off sick to have gallbladder surgery, I didn’t get a collection.

Yet two colleagues who had the same surgery 9-12 months before me had one each.

The same goes for some colleagues had collections when a parent died and some didn’t.

If there’s another colleague who has time off for gallbladder surgery- I won’t put into their collection and I will explain why. If it’s one of my closest colleagues- I will give something directly from me.

Yabu if your reasoning is that they may come back and work there again, that’s pretty rare.
However I have stopped contributing to wedding gifts/leaving gifts etc when the person is a v high earner (eg 6 figures, double/triple what I earn as I’m part time), it’s just too galling!

Id only give £10 for a colleague who was also a good friend. The usual amount to give at my workplace is £2-3, £5 if you’re feeling generous!

It wouldn’t bother me. It’s a one off, it’s not like it happens every time.

The member of staff it concerns must have some brass neck to walk back in after a leaving do and gift. I just couldn’t go back.

This happened in a company I worked at years ago. The man had a small gift & a large cheque from our contributions (over £100 & this was early '80s). He didn't like his new company & returned within a couple of months. An announcement was made that he had donated the money to a local charity. I don't know if that was his idea or at the suggestion of the management.

OH works with a guy who got a collection, party and cake. Mid way through the celebration he pipes up thanks but ive changed my mind and withdrawn my resignation!

If you realise you've made a mistake in leaving, it would be even more of a mistake to let a leaving do and gift stop you returning, if it's an option, when this is your career at stake.

It is an awkward situation - not so much the 'do' as everyone who went will presumably have enjoyed the social event - but the gift. I think I would go along the lines of saying to everyone that I won't expect any gifts in future, unless it was money or money-equivalent that I could donate to charity as a pp mentioned someone had done in those circumstances.

Yes you’re right but I just couldn’t go back.

I think you're overreacting. Similar thing happened at my workplace once. The employee hated their new job and really missed his old job so called up and asked if he could come back. Nobody begrudged him his leaving do or gift. I've always worked for fairly small companies so always donate around a tenner if someone is leaving regardless of whether or not they earn more than me. Interestingly, the wealthiest employee never gave more than £2, citing the fact that they never carry cash. Perhaps that's why they were the wealthiest though!

Just think of it as a kind of 'otfice tax' It is standard practice everywhere and sometimes you are the beneficiary. Of course you can decline, but maybe consider just contributing a smaller amount. Unless you are in a highly paid position, you're unlikely to be judged for it.
Office politics can be tricky!

This would you stop buying wedding presents if the couple divorce after a short marriage?

It wouldn't stop me going back, but I'd probably come in with a ton of cakes for everyone

Back in the Dark Ages when I worked in an office we would contribute to a leaving gift/card and that was it - no wedding/baby/etc. gifts. If it was your birthday then you would bring in small cakes or doughnuts for your department (I'd take in some for the receptionists and the security guard). It seemed much simpler then!

I've done this OP, didn't last very long in the new job and came. I declined the gift but it couldn't be resolved so I eventually got it. I'm still horribly embarrassed 😳

My contribution is based on the event and how much I like the person. For leaving the team it's nothing if I don't like the person but will write a generic message in the card, £5 if I like them and £10 if we are friends.

I don't give anything for weddings, engagements, new babies etc as it leads to people being penalised for being single and childfree. I'll sign the card of course

I'd sign a card and give a fiver for a big birthday.

I don't think refusing to contribute to future collections is the right response.

Of course next time this person leaves (which I bet will be within the next couple of years) then don't contribute to their 2nd leaving collection.

I’ve stopped contributing to birthdays (usually milestone ones as a whole staff) as I had a milestone birthday and didn’t so much as get a verbal happy birthday despite inviting people to my celebration. Our staff are split into smaller teams who then do regular birthdays and secret Santa’s but I work across lots of teams so don’t belong to a specific group so always miss out. I remember leaving work on day on my birthday having only a couple of people wished me happy birthday and another colleague came out of the room next door with arm fulls of presents because her birthday was over the weekend and they’d done a special breakfast and presents. She looked a little embarrassed wishing me happy birthday as she knew it was actually mine. Lol.

I do contribute to leaving gifts if I’m in work when asked. I don’t always carry money but now people send bank details. We are such a big staff though I’ve started to limit it to people who I do really have contact with.

I think I’d just be sorry for the person that the new job didn’t work out and glad they were able to come back. It happens. I can’t ever imagine t getting upset about this it’s a tenner!!!

When I first started work a leaving do was rare as we all had a staff job. Our work places then adopt a majority freelancer workforce and suddenly there’s a line on our budget to provide a ‘do’ when freelancers leave.

I stopped taking part in my work social fund it got ridiculous. One girl going on mat leave was sitting counting a bundle of 50 pound note for a baby just crazy.
I'm also at an age of no occasions regularly another colleague in about 5 years had 30th birthday , engagement, wedding, baby then another baby then finally new house all together she received around 4 to 5 thousand pounds