To think dd aged 16 is too young to go away on holiday independently

[Manthide]

Dd is in y11 and is going to sit her gcses this summer. Until about last October she only occasionally went out with friends- partly due to covid and being used to 'socialising' online. Since then she has made new friends who seem to want to be out and about all the time. None of them live near us - dd goes to a private girls school. 2 are boys in y10 and y11, the other is a girl in y11. They all seem nice enough though I've only really met them in passing.
Anyway this morning she was asking about going to Scotland on holiday with them with no parents and seemed to think I was being very unreasonable by saying she couldn't go without any adults. She is the youngest of my 4dc and none of the others went away solo until at least age 18. I am an older mum and after I finished my O levels I did go away for a week with friends but this was 43 years ago.
She does go away with army cadets and has lots of hobbies.

I know that not all adults are responsible but if she goes away I'd certainly prefer it was much nearer than Scotland- we live in the south of England. She's not even done any sleep overs since primary school. I also had a problem with a persistent drunken youth on my holiday when I was 16!

You're the parent. It doesn't matter what others allow as parents, or what a great time someone had in 1978.
She's your daughter, if you're not happy, don't allow it.

If one of them had a holiday home I wouldn't mind too much. I do know some people in Scotland who could perhaps help in an emergency. Mobiles do make things a bit easier than 40 plus years ago. I was a latch key kid so was pretty independent from an early age - and tbh I think I have blanked out part of that holiday when I was 16. I certainly never went away with that group of friends again!

When I was 16 I went on 2 holidays with mates to celebrate the end of our GCSEs. I had a pt job and paid for them myself. Rather arrogantly, I just told my parents I was going. I simply can’t imagine my kids doing this.

Anyway, one of the holidays was 2 weeks in Spain. We had a great time but it seems really reckless to me now as we were drinking and clubbing every night.

The other holiday was a week of cycling (miles) and staying in hostels. I’d be worried sick if mine did this too. My parents were clearly more laid back than we are.

MN is a funny place. Last year I asked what others thought about us going away for the weekend and leaving dd, then 15, on her own. I got slaughtered, others telling me I was being so unreasonable leaving her for 48 hours on her own.
So going by this thread, dd is 16 in 3 weeks and it will now be fine for her to jet across the world that’s just 12 months on for being roasted for leaving her (which we never did in the end btw).

I think I'd let her go... as she be an adult in 2 years.

It's strange, isn't it!

I did 2 weeks youth hostelling round South Wales after GCSEs. Parents agreed because we were mostly sensible, had done some DofE, knew first aid. We had to book hostels in advance and tell them our itinerary, and (because we were cycling,) prove we could repair a bike puncture.

Some of the girls had to phone home every night (fortunately my parents didn't requir - I thought it excessively overbearing...) I think these days, you could track them online, and you wouldn't have to worry about having 10p/phonecard for a phone box, plus they'd probably be updating social media every few hours.

It was fun, and we were fine, despite a broken pedal requiring a bike shop. I'm still in touch with most of those girls.

My mother did say, some years after, "I can't think what we were doing, allowing you all to go off like that, on those roads," but they did and we were fine.

Is she hill smart, by which does she have the right kit, can she use a map and compass, does she know when to turn back? Does she know to leave her walking route with someone and to check in with them when she’s back? Hiking in Scotland can be quite hard core, the weather turns quickly and even experience walkers can find themselves in trouble.

I wouldn’t necessarily be worried about her going with friends, but I wouldn’t be so sure about her hill walking in Scotland without an experienced adult.

Probably different people responding.
Also, things do change in 12 months, there are places that 16 year olds can go unaccompanied (festivals, some hostels) that 15 year olds can't.
I don't think anyone here is saying they would allow a 16 year old jet across the world.

Mn is weird, I wonder how many of the responders saying yes I'd be completely fine with that plan have a 16yo...

16yo definitely can't check into hotels, my friends dd went to London with her bf when she was 17 and he was 18 and they wouldn't let her check in.

Op it's fine to say no if it doesn't feel right.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies my dc are now in their 20s but DS2 went on holiday with his mates when he was 16. He also went to Reading after GCSE results.

No. They are still very young. When I was at school we had three teen pregnancies as a result of two un supervised camping trips. I know as I went on one ( I grew up without caring parents and mainly in care ) I was with my boyfriend ( still my DH) and I know a few of my friends at the time said they felt pressured to do things they really didn’t want to to look cool. Not saying your DC will be like this but I would be careful

She's old enough.

I went away at 16.

They can get around this by asking an 18 + year old friend to come by and check in for them. My daughter’s 17 year old friend who was not allowed to go away with her same aged friends lied that she was on an sleepover but really they had booked into a hotel and that’s how they did it. My daughter wasn’t there (thank goodness - it was awful) but was told the details by the friend.
Or they just get a more relaxed parent in the friendship group to do the check in.

I think that's a bit harsh . There were a lot of things that a lot of us did growing up either as children or as young adults that we wouldn't want for our own children . Different times.

I would not let her until 18.

I would not let her OP. Although, I am south Asian and not even sleepovers as children are allowed.

Whilst it is common for a lot of young people to get away with friends post GCSE, I'm not sure that I would have been happy with the situation you are describing TBH OP. Firstly that Scotland is a long way from where you live and also that you don't really know the friends that she is planning to go away with.

From what I recall my DS and a few of his friends went camping for a few days but they were long term friends and less than an hour from home. They built up to more ambitious trips after that . To add to what people are saying about hotels - DS certainly went to Travel Lodges aged 17 - when asked if they had any ID, they just said no and it was fine. This was in Belfast and London when going to concerts .

I think I would also be more apprehensive about a teenage girl than a boy . And given that I have a son, I feel bad saying that. Just feel that girls are more vulnerable .

I went to Spain with my boyfriend when I was 16 and lived to tell the tale. I think you're being very unreasonable to not let your daughter go to Scotland.

I would let her, provided she and her friends shared their plan including providing evidence of some sort of accommodation would be happy to take a mixed group of 15 and 16 year olds. I know Scotland has a different education system but I'm not sure what the school leaving age is there. It may be that the presence of a Year 10 student is a stumbling block for places that would be happy to accept 16 year olds.

When DC1 finished GCSEs a couple of years ago, they went camping with three friends and had a great time, including repitching their tent in the middle of the night because of a storm. The campsite owners were happy to accommodate them but it had to be booked by a parent and contact details for all parents provided. The same group of friends - plus a couple of others - also stayed in an AirBnB that summer. One of the group booked it after contacting the owner and asking if they'd be willing to have a single set group of 16 year olds. The owner wanted contact with one of the parents but was happy to rent it to the group.

Being able to do those trips was a really positive experience for them. At 17, DC1 went to Europe with a friend and after A-levels the group that had stayed in an AirBnB at 16 went travelling in Europe.

I think it's too young!

It would be a no from me.

I guess it depends on how grown up she is. I went to work in France on my own for a month when I was 16. In a little hotel/restaurant. Found the job myself. Took the hovercraft to France solo, got on a train to Paris on my own, crossed Paris, got on another train.

But if she’s a young or irresponsible 16 then even just going with friends may be too much.

Thanks for all the responses. Dd3 went to Cambridge a few weeks ago with one of the boys and climbed a high tower of a church. Last week the boy went with the other girl to the same tower and they were told they needed to be accompanied by an adult!
I will decide on the facts of the trip. She does seem very immature to me but I realise in 2 short years she'll be at university. She is hoping to get a job to pay for the trip.
I don't think I mollycoddle my dc and though I was worried I didn't have any problem with dd2 backpacking solo to Australia for 6 weeks when she was 19. She has always been very sensible, plans for every possibility and had phone numbers of people in Australia if she had any trouble. Or dd1 organising her d of e gold expedition aged 17 with 2 girls from another school and going on their own to Brecon Beacons.