To think dd aged 16 is too young to go away on holiday independently

[Manthide]

Dd is in y11 and is going to sit her gcses this summer. Until about last October she only occasionally went out with friends- partly due to covid and being used to 'socialising' online. Since then she has made new friends who seem to want to be out and about all the time. None of them live near us - dd goes to a private girls school. 2 are boys in y10 and y11, the other is a girl in y11. They all seem nice enough though I've only really met them in passing.
Anyway this morning she was asking about going to Scotland on holiday with them with no parents and seemed to think I was being very unreasonable by saying she couldn't go without any adults. She is the youngest of my 4dc and none of the others went away solo until at least age 18. I am an older mum and after I finished my O levels I did go away for a week with friends but this was 43 years ago.
She does go away with army cadets and has lots of hobbies.

Good point!

You can stop them at 18 if they can’t fund it themselves 😬

If she’s sensible I’d let her go. My son went away with friends at that age and had a great time.

Off course op can stop her. She's not an adult, she's still a child.

I went in a UK holiday at 15 and went to Ibiza at 16. I look back and realise it isn't the norm these days. We were all fine. I know it's scary but I think you should let her go. Have trust in her.

My DD is 16 and no I wouldn’t let her go alone, and no hotels would let her stay in a group of kids same age. 18 yes, 16 no

I went away with friends in the UK when I was 16 and abroad when I was 17. I'll let my teens do the same (if they want to).

I let my 15yo DS go away after his GCSEs and he did some interailing with 2 16 yo friends - Germany and France for 2 weeks. Then DD16 went Greek Island hopping with her BF who was 17. Why not? Independent travel is a wonderful thing, I did it from 14 and there were no mobiles then!

My DD and a friend went backpacking round Ireland for three weeks when they were 16.

She initially asked me "theoretically" how I'd feel about it. I said that I thought, "theoretically", I'd be ok with it but would have to discuss it with her and her dad in great detail. Knowing DD as I do I then had a sneaking suspicion that we weren't talking theoretically at all and she confirmed that she had indeed already booked the ferry and planned an itinerary!

Neither her dad or I were overly enthusiastic but couldn't help but admire her planning and organisational skills. She's always had a good deal of common sense and learnt lots of useful life and "survival" skills during many camping and sailing holidays with her dad so we agreed that, as long as she checked in with at least one of us at least once a day, it would probably be a great experience for her.

Of course I worried for the entire three weeks but I couldn't let "what ifs" stop her going. She had a fantastic time, saw some beautiful places and met some lovely people (and had one or two minor and quite amusing mishaps!) and I'm so glad we allowed her to go. You can't keep them wrapped in cotton wool forever and have to allow them to spread their wings. I'd encourage you to let her go with some conditions, like making contact once a day and letting you know her location and/or planned location(s).

This is not true, they rarely check and do not ask for ID if you are a British. DD went to London a LOT at 16/17 and stayed in Premier Inns.

100% would let her. Honestly find MN so over protective of teenagers (and I have a dd aged 18, so I’m not coming at it from a hypothetical pov). You can’t at say age 25 just suddenly hope they’ve developed the grit and life experience to cope with curve balls, you actually have to let them build that by having some adventures along the way.

Yep that was ds's first trip away unsupervised. He did the whole week 😱🤣

Neither do I, I had a baby at 16. I was pregnant at the exact age my DD is now with her eldest brother. Exactly why I’ve parented her differently and just because a parent did something 30 odd years ago doesn’t make them a hypocrite because they don’t want their DD to do it.

Possibly not.

Many years ago, when still in VI form, some friends and I tried to arrange a self catering holiday at a Butlins. There would have been four of us, all girls, two 17 year old and two 15 year olds. My parents agreed I could go. We sent off our booking request and deposit. And had it returned, booking refused.

They wouldn’t let me then 17yr old check in when he went ahead of his brother and weren’t even going to let him stay with his brother until I sent it photos of my ID and a letter saying I took responsibility. If you check premier inn conditions I’m sure it will be 18 plus and they do refuse to let kids check in

All my 4 went away in the uk post GCSE's (Reading festival) .. the 5th wanted to go abroad so we compromised and joined with 2 other mums and booked an Airbnb..

Kids downstairs and us upstairs..with a pool.

We let them go to Rome together for an overnight without us as long as their whereabouts was visible on 'find my friends' ... all went well.

Depends on the teen as a general principle, but lots of places won't take bookings from under 18's.
I'd be fine with my 17 Yr old going away with friends for a couple of days as long as I knew who was going, where they were staying and was confident they could get home and had sufficient common sense to deal with unexpected things happening.

What sort of accommodation?

I was off on 3 night youth Hostelling trips with a friend at 14, did a week’s walking from hostel to hostel with couple of friends when we were 16 (I might have been 15?)

Also we hired a caravan when I was 16, it was allowed in the name of the 17 yo friend ( would be now) , there were boys, we didn’t have sex, we didn’t dangerously drunk, or injured, or arrested .

My Dc went to Reading festival after GCSEs, Ds was only a couple of weeks past 16th b’day.

I would much rather have watched them go off to a wholesome holiday than Reading, but they survived nevertheless.

If she's sensible I'd let her go. My daughter and her friends are going to Spain together this summer, they're 16/17. You have to let them start spreading their wings at some point.

I think the fact you don't know the other young people doesn't help.

I wouldn't have let mine go in those circumstances either.

yeah like that stops them getting into each others beds ..

I’m letting dd16 go away for a few nights at YHA with friends. I think 16 is old enough, they’re sensible enough to call me if anything happens. I have said a hard no to Reading Festival, having been myself I don’t think there’s too many drunk teen boys, although I did survive unscathed I suppose.

I paid on line before they went and DD will just have lied and said she was 18 if challenged I am sure. She travelled a lot before she was 18 and is always planning the next trip

You do realise that youth hostels exist right?

It depends on the people involved maybe.. I went cycle touring abroad with friends aged 16 and had done youth hostelling and camping in the UK before that. Quite sensible and wouldn't have been drinking though.