To think dd aged 16 is too young to go away on holiday independently

[Manthide]

Dd is in y11 and is going to sit her gcses this summer. Until about last October she only occasionally went out with friends- partly due to covid and being used to 'socialising' online. Since then she has made new friends who seem to want to be out and about all the time. None of them live near us - dd goes to a private girls school. 2 are boys in y10 and y11, the other is a girl in y11. They all seem nice enough though I've only really met them in passing.
Anyway this morning she was asking about going to Scotland on holiday with them with no parents and seemed to think I was being very unreasonable by saying she couldn't go without any adults. She is the youngest of my 4dc and none of the others went away solo until at least age 18. I am an older mum and after I finished my O levels I did go away for a week with friends but this was 43 years ago.
She does go away with army cadets and has lots of hobbies.

You have to be 16 to stay in a yha now unless with an adult...to be honest youth hostels are usually full of over 60s the last few times I've been

I’d speak to the other friends’ parents and see what their views are. If all three of them let their children go then I’d let your daughter as she’s be missing out but it might be that all other parents share your concerns. I think 16 is old enough to be going away especially as it’s the U.K.

We all went to Newquay the summer after GCSEs in 2004. We got in to clubs with doctored photocopies of our passports - didn't even need fake ID!

Great memories, but it was every parents nightmare.

The poor kids these days can't even buy cigarettes 😝

We went to Cornwall after GCSEs. One of the group got alcohol poisoning, though. I think a good compromise would be for at least one parent to be on standby not too far away.

I must be naive, I wouldn’t have thought anywhere would provide accommodation to 16 year olds?! I have just turned 16 DS and 17.5 DD, it’d be a no from me for DS 😬

At 16 they can legally leave home, I'd teach them who to contact should they need help and give helpful advice. In Scotland, 16-year-olds have more rights so there might be more places that let them book in.

Technically they couid get on better than you did 43 years ago, with access to the internet to locate public transport, shops etc. Plus you will only ever be one phone call or text message away if advice is needed. And you can easily book a train / coach ticket if an early journey home is required.

I have no idea whether 15 and 16 year olds can access paid accommodation without an adult in the party though. Or does one of the group have a holiday home?

My DD and her friends went on NCS after their gcses and had a brilliant time. Would they consider something like that? Such a positive experience for them and super cheap.

DS asked and we said yes, but couldn’t find anywhere they could go under 16. Even YH.

do they have a plan?

Incidentally, I had no problems with him going, but I wouldn’t let any of my children go to reading festival at that age. Too many of my friend’s children have had bad experiences and one now has a horrible facial scar and another has some kind of PTSD.

My friend's daughter went abroad with a group of girls after GCSEs a few years ago and her parents are pretty protective. No one came to any harm though I don't think she enjoyed it much (she's not a group person).

So it was OK for you to do it 43 years ago but not OK for her to do it now?

You're being ridiculous. Unless there's other info you haven't shared, it will be fine.

I went to greece with a school friend when I was 16 and Spain with my slightly older sister when I was 17. Scotland is at least a car trip away if she needs collecting because she hates it

There were two 14 year olds and three 13 year olds when we went youth hostelling in the Lakes in 1977.

We had an absolute ball.

Let her, I did similar at that age and I still maintain it was the best time of my life - I mean life is good now but to briefly be that age again, the summer I left school, yes please.

Wow, YABVU. She is 16, not 12!

Aslong as they have somewhere to stay I would let her. A lot of places are 18+. If she was going to a festival it would be easier

Have you found out the full plans? Before you say no why not ask? I would want to know:

how they are getting there?
Where they are staying?
What are they going to do while they are there?
what are they going to do if something goes wrong?

16 on its own doesn’t seem too young to me on its own but it does depend on the maturity level of everyone going.

I went to Greece with my friend in Y10. I was 16, she was 15. My mum was fine with it because we were with my friend’s parents. They even invited my parents for dinner beforehand just so they all knew each other.

However, it turned out that we were staying at a Club 18-30s resort (just not on an 18-30s package) and her parents were the most lax people ever. My friend and I went out drinking in the bars every night and her parents didn’t know or care what time we came back. We were plied with unlimited free shots and cocktails and absolutely hammered every night. My friend slept with more than one stranger; I could have but didn’t. One night we were so drunk my friend collapsed at the side of the road and I only just managed to get us home because I was so drunk myself. I had alcohol poisoning and was vomiting all the next day and her mum (who was a nurse!) just laughed about it. I’m amazed nothing worse happened to us, looking back - we were sleazed on by older men all week and had no idea what we were doing.

My point is that adults are not the important thing. Going away with a known group of friends to what sounds like a nice location could be a lovely experience for your DD. Have a chat with her about sensible behaviours and let her know she can always call you if needed.

Unless it’s the Edinburgh Festival. That can get pretty wild but she would have a ball.

My brother went away youth hosteling with mates from age 16. I did my first Reading festival aged 16, with a mixed sex group.

Both my girls went to festivals at 16 after GCSEs and as she’s going in the UK - I don’t see a difference really. In fact I’d say a festival is more problematic. I was mega concerned when the eldest went but I had mellowed by the time the youngest got to 16. It’s a stressful when they start to do stuff like this but a major part of growing up.

Mine no. She was invited to a party at sixth form (year 12) private school and went and asked to be picked up at 12 and then texted and 10 and said could I ring and make up an excuse and get her early. So I rang and got her at 10.30 she said she was uncomfortable as everyone was smoking (parents in the house) or vaping and all were drinking she was concerned as the parents were pouring the drinks and they were aged 12-19 but about 45 of them. She’s asked me to say no to any more.

I would be concerned that she would be responsible but others around may not - I was attacked by a drunken friend at 17 who got in my bed and I was terrified. So I would have those chats etc how will you get home if it goes tits up!

This happens a lot. That's why parental boundaries are so important.

If they have sex well they are 16, they can, legally.

Isn't it basically a given they go away without parents after gcse?

It wasn't exactly a positive experience and I was a lot more street wise than my dd. Also she is thinking of going hiking in Scotland and youth hostelling. I can see them egging each other on to do thinks that might be dangerous.