Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hospital stay- partner moaning

109 replies

Cookiesncreme · 13/04/2024 11:20

Had baby almost 2 weeks ago now, had 1 week hospital stay then went home. Was hard as I had csection and was majority of feeds and living off 2hrs sleep daily since my Labour until 3 days after got home.

I was trying to be mobile but this has now resulted in me getting a womb and incision infection and we've been in hospital with baby since Tuesday.
I've been doing night feeds and cleaning bottles and most I can do with a cannula. This later moved and caused me so much pain and is now resighted.
Anyway last night i was oozing puss all over towel, duvet and baby's clothes when he was on me feeding. I said I can't feed him anymore I'm not getting better and he's hurting me.
My partner is now p'd off as he has to have low quality if no sleep and feed charge and burp baby. I offer baby comfort, pump and can clean bottles with 1 hand but he does have to do majority.
He makes it known he's annoyed and says I'm doing everything, I said how do u propose I feed him with 1 hand and a no go zone on my stomach and uterus whilst in pain and on an iv drip every few hours??

AIBU to think he should just suck it up and stop complaining. We've been thru a lot but at least he's mobile and well.

P.s. we have a private room so no other babies keeping us up etc.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2024 11:22

I'm guessing he has form for be so fucking horrible.

WinterDeWinter · 13/04/2024 11:24

What a piece of shit.

Concannon88 · 13/04/2024 11:26

I guess he was only up for parenthood when it was easy or you were doing the bulk of the work, now its time for him to step up and he acts like a cunt.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 13/04/2024 11:26

Aw diddums

TinyYellow · 13/04/2024 11:26

I think people are allowed to be pissed off at getting no sleep, even if there is a good reason for it. He may be wrong in the way he’s handling it though.

Ultimately you are both struggling with something very difficult at the moment and a competition about who has it worse won’t help either of you. You could both do with some support from family or someone.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 13/04/2024 11:27

Well he'll have even more to do if he doesn't step up now and you end up in ITU with sepsis.

Nevermindtheteacaps · 13/04/2024 11:29

Wow. He's abusive. He prefers you undermine your recovery so he can sleep.

Do not marry this man

Think hard about putting him on the birth certificate

Do not give baby his name

Do not give up your job and become dependent on him, he holds you in contempt

Do you have family or friends where you xan go and stay and get away from him, to recover in peace?

Gingernaut · 13/04/2024 11:31

TinyYellow · 13/04/2024 11:26

I think people are allowed to be pissed off at getting no sleep, even if there is a good reason for it. He may be wrong in the way he’s handling it though.

Ultimately you are both struggling with something very difficult at the moment and a competition about who has it worse won’t help either of you. You could both do with some support from family or someone.

She's oozing pus and in immense pain from childbirth, he's done fuck all by way of support, childcare or feeding his own child

How much sleep is she getting?

DoYouSmokePaul · 13/04/2024 11:31

Oh my goodness, sweetheart, he’s horrible. Of course he should suck it up! You’re going through hell and you’re the one who needs support and sympathy.

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 13/04/2024 11:31

You deserve so much better OP. Your 'D'P is being so selfish and uncaring towards you at such a vulnerable time I would not be able to forgive this.

bradpittsbathwater · 13/04/2024 11:32

What a bastard.

AskingForAFriend12 · 13/04/2024 11:33

Does he think he is there for a holiday? He is there to help you and the baby.

This has happened to me when Covid was still around and I had to be by myself. I know how hard it is. Hope you get better soon.

Catopia · 13/04/2024 11:34

If you have mum/parents you can go to, and they will help, I would go with baby now, arguing about the situation will get you nowhere and him harrumphing around isn't going to help you. However, if you're oozing pus I do wonder if you should actually be back in hospital, that does not sound good. Have you called midwife for advice?

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/04/2024 11:34

You are a generous soul.

”We’ve” been through a lot?

No, lovely, you have.
He needs to step up or ship out. Do you have family support?

SparkyBlue · 13/04/2024 11:36

I can't believe I've read this. He is telling you what he is like OP. This isn't normal behavior as most men are terrified when their partner becomes unwell after childbirth and just want to see them recover. I had eclampsia and was in high dependency and I cannot imagine my husband behaving like this.

Notimeforaname · 13/04/2024 11:38

He is a scumbag.
His job is to care, protect and support his partner and new baby.

This man only cares for himself.

I am so sorry for you op.
Congratulations on your new baby, I hope you make a speedy recovery. When you are well again, please consider this relationship seriously.

Zanatdy · 13/04/2024 11:39

Well he sounds like a great partner - not

ToxicChristmas · 13/04/2024 11:39

What an absolute cunt -and that's not a word I use frequently. Like it's a bloody wonderful time for you oozing pus from a wound and feeling like shit. Like it's a choice you made!!!

Notimeforaname · 13/04/2024 11:40

And this isn't just him "moaning ".

He is being neglectful, if sounds abusive in a way. You are unwell and so incredibly vulnerable, for him to feel like this and express this, is scary and concerning.

AmyDudley · 13/04/2024 11:43

Ultimately you are both struggling with something very difficult at the moment and a competition about who has it worse won’t help either of you. You could both do with some support from family or someone.

There is no competition here, the DH is not even in the race for having it worse. OP is in hospital having recently given birth, recovering from c section, an infection and dealing with all the hormonal and emotional change being a new mother brings. Even someone at the most basic level of decency would be doing everything they could to help her.

I wish you a speedy recovery OP, but sadly I think you will be person doing all the caring for your child. Did he actually not realise that having a new baby would require a bit of sacrifice and effort on his part? If he wants to be a father, rather than just a sperm donor, he needs to step up quickly and stop whining.

NorthernPoet · 13/04/2024 11:47

I'm sorry but I would be evicting him from the hospital room immediately, telling him to go home and pack his stuff and take himself back to whatever cave he crawled from.

Yes - he is probably doing 'more' physically for baby right now but guess what, that's fucking parenthood and being a partner! A C-section is major surgery and takes many months to recover from based on what I know and I've never even had one!! He is there, he can see what's going on and he is choosing to abuse you psychologically/emotionally when you are potentially at your most vulnerable in life.

If you can, ask a friend, sibling, mam etc to come and help overnights or speak to a nurse/midwife to see if there is anything the hospital can do to support you. Alternatively, have any of the staff heard/seen the way he is going on? They might be willing to step in and explain how out of order he is being! (On the off chance he doesn't realise he is being a complete cock-wombling thunder cunt and is genuinely just tired)

Sending you love and support 💞

Notimeforaname · 13/04/2024 11:48

Like it's a bloody wonderful time for you oozing pus from a wound and feeling like shit. Like it's a choice you made!!!

Exactly, this is 50% his responsibility. And since you are too unwell to be able to give 50%, he has to pick up the slack, is this not what a fucking partnership is about?? Nevermind the fact hes doesn't feel at all worried or upset about the pain you are in.

OP I am so upset in your behalf, this is infuriating.

If he was in any way incapacitated or injured, there's not a hope in hell he would just accept you treating him the same way.

Screamingabdabz · 13/04/2024 11:49

Op listen very seriously to what people are posting. This man is not a good man. The sooner you are able to be free of him, you and your baby will be better without him in your lives.

noonesayscheese · 13/04/2024 11:52

When someone shows you who they are - believe them.

He is showing you who he is.

Goldx2 · 13/04/2024 11:53

Oh my goodness!! What a horrible selfish man. Looks like you have 2 children to look after