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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hospital stay- partner moaning

109 replies

Cookiesncreme · 13/04/2024 11:20

Had baby almost 2 weeks ago now, had 1 week hospital stay then went home. Was hard as I had csection and was majority of feeds and living off 2hrs sleep daily since my Labour until 3 days after got home.

I was trying to be mobile but this has now resulted in me getting a womb and incision infection and we've been in hospital with baby since Tuesday.
I've been doing night feeds and cleaning bottles and most I can do with a cannula. This later moved and caused me so much pain and is now resighted.
Anyway last night i was oozing puss all over towel, duvet and baby's clothes when he was on me feeding. I said I can't feed him anymore I'm not getting better and he's hurting me.
My partner is now p'd off as he has to have low quality if no sleep and feed charge and burp baby. I offer baby comfort, pump and can clean bottles with 1 hand but he does have to do majority.
He makes it known he's annoyed and says I'm doing everything, I said how do u propose I feed him with 1 hand and a no go zone on my stomach and uterus whilst in pain and on an iv drip every few hours??

AIBU to think he should just suck it up and stop complaining. We've been thru a lot but at least he's mobile and well.

P.s. we have a private room so no other babies keeping us up etc.

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 13/04/2024 23:37

What an absolute wanker 😡 is there a family member (mum/sister/auntie) who can come and be with you OP? The stress of dealing with him is not going to aid your recovery 😕 if you can get someone else to come and be with you for the next few days, tell him to f off. Can you speak to the nurses and ask for more help with the baby? It sounds like you should be keeping still as much as possible while the wound heals.

Thriving30 · 14/04/2024 00:27

He's being unreasonable, but you're both clearly sleep deprived and naturally trying to adjust to everything, so it's going to be difficult for both of you.

Tahinii · 14/04/2024 10:17

Thriving30 · 14/04/2024 00:27

He's being unreasonable, but you're both clearly sleep deprived and naturally trying to adjust to everything, so it's going to be difficult for both of you.

Of course it’s difficult when you’re sleep deprived but the OP is sick enough to require inpatient hospital admission. It’s not a competition but if there was, she would “win” because she’s the one who gave birth and she is very poorly.

mummyh2016 · 14/04/2024 11:05

@kkloo you clearly didn't read my post. If the partner does not have form for acting like a prick then yes I would put it down to sleep deprivation. We know nothing about him or the OP, he could be a perfect husband of 20 years up until now. Likewise he could have been abusive for 20 years. If he's in the former category it's bonkers that people are telling her to LTB. These are people's real lives here, it's not an episode of coronation street. No one knows enough about the OP to tell her to make major life changing decisions.
If the OP comes back and say he's a prick the majority of the time then fine but she hasn't.
And yes I would say the same to my own daughter/niece/friend.

pikkumyy77 · 14/04/2024 11:42

mummyh2016 · 14/04/2024 11:05

@kkloo you clearly didn't read my post. If the partner does not have form for acting like a prick then yes I would put it down to sleep deprivation. We know nothing about him or the OP, he could be a perfect husband of 20 years up until now. Likewise he could have been abusive for 20 years. If he's in the former category it's bonkers that people are telling her to LTB. These are people's real lives here, it's not an episode of coronation street. No one knows enough about the OP to tell her to make major life changing decisions.
If the OP comes back and say he's a prick the majority of the time then fine but she hasn't.
And yes I would say the same to my own daughter/niece/friend.

Sleep deprivation wouldn’t turn a perfect husband into this useless one in an instant. He’s not THAT sleep deprived, for one thing, and for another a loving dh would be at battle stations under these circumstances. My dh would have been moving heaven and earth to protect me if I had a major infected wound like this.

mummyh2016 · 14/04/2024 12:41

@pikkumyy77 sleep deprivation can make you change in an instant. You know as much about how tired or exhausted he is as I do. He could be mortified today at how he acted yesterday or maybe he doesn't give a shit. No one here knows. Hopefully when the OP is feeling better she will come back to update us - how he acted following the outburst will make it more obvious on what to do next. No one needs to make life changing decisions in the heat of the moment.

kkloo · 14/04/2024 14:01

mummyh2016 · 14/04/2024 11:05

@kkloo you clearly didn't read my post. If the partner does not have form for acting like a prick then yes I would put it down to sleep deprivation. We know nothing about him or the OP, he could be a perfect husband of 20 years up until now. Likewise he could have been abusive for 20 years. If he's in the former category it's bonkers that people are telling her to LTB. These are people's real lives here, it's not an episode of coronation street. No one knows enough about the OP to tell her to make major life changing decisions.
If the OP comes back and say he's a prick the majority of the time then fine but she hasn't.
And yes I would say the same to my own daughter/niece/friend.

No I clearly did read your post.

I don't think it's possible for a good decent man to behave this way because of sleep deprivation when his partner is going through what the OP is going through so what you're saying doesn't apply anyway. Good men wouldn't behave like that.

Yes these are peoples lives here which is why I asked you to actually picture the scene of what the OP is going through so that you would stop minimizing it.

mummyh2016 · 14/04/2024 17:48

@kkloo just because I'm not being dramatic and telling the OP her life is over if she stays with this man doesn't mean I'm minimising it.

Catopia · 23/04/2024 19:13

How are you doing OP?

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