Hospital stay- partner moaning

[Cookiesncreme]

Had baby almost 2 weeks ago now, had 1 week hospital stay then went home. Was hard as I had csection and was majority of feeds and living off 2hrs sleep daily since my Labour until 3 days after got home.

I was trying to be mobile but this has now resulted in me getting a womb and incision infection and we've been in hospital with baby since Tuesday.
I've been doing night feeds and cleaning bottles and most I can do with a cannula. This later moved and caused me so much pain and is now resighted.
Anyway last night i was oozing puss all over towel, duvet and baby's clothes when he was on me feeding. I said I can't feed him anymore I'm not getting better and he's hurting me.
My partner is now p'd off as he has to have low quality if no sleep and feed charge and burp baby. I offer baby comfort, pump and can clean bottles with 1 hand but he does have to do majority.
He makes it known he's annoyed and says I'm doing everything, I said how do u propose I feed him with 1 hand and a no go zone on my stomach and uterus whilst in pain and on an iv drip every few hours??

AIBU to think he should just suck it up and stop complaining. We've been thru a lot but at least he's mobile and well.

P.s. we have a private room so no other babies keeping us up etc.

I was also going to suggest asking the staff about the bottles…I didn’t have to clean bottles when I was in for a longer stay so I’m surprised you have to ,have they provided with with a steriliser etc in your room?? There is no benefit to having 2 sleep deprived people in 1 room, couldn’t he sleep at home at night then come in to care for the baby in the daytime whilst you rest?

I’m quoting this post because you need to read it again. It is important.

Jesus, OP, I'm sorry your 'D'H is behaving like such a selfish dickhead. Any normal father in these circumstances would be looking after the baby at home 24/7 (unless you were solely breast feeding) and would be asking wife what he could do to make her more comfortable.

Why on earth is he letting you wash bottles when you are so ill you needed to be hospitalised? If he continues to refuse to pick up his game, ask the hospital for disposable, single use bottles.

Oh, and tell your partner he either steps up immediately or you're dumping him. Then follow through.

He is a piece of shit.

I'm a mw and would help you as much as I could.

Get well soon.

Yanbu. I had a c section in January and my husband had to take an extra week off work to help with my recovery. (I was fortunate to not have an infection though and it was still hard).

It was only by the middle of week 3 I started being able to do things myself without pain.

My husband changed all baby’s nappies and did feeds for the first couple of weeks - we were also in hospital a week. I tried in hospital and got half way but felt light headed and in pain so had to stop. My husband had to really step up and take on a lot of the baby care. Your partner sounds selfish.

So far he's acting like a sperm donor, not a Father, and not a partner/husband !

You're in fucking hospital because of an infection, have undergone a major operation, and he's moaning cos he's 'tired' ffs !

You need to read him the fucking riot act, and make it 100% clear that HIS 'contribution' has been fucking MINIMAL at best ! And he'd better fucking rethink his whole attitude to parenting unless he wants to be left behind by his partner/wife and child !

So sorry you’re poorly & having to put up with such a horrid, selfish, uncaring partner.
This is a wake-up call, sadly.
I personally would rather be a single parent than live with an individual who has no empathy.
For the time being you’re stuck with him. However, maybe alert the hospital to his lack of help, hope they don’t send you home too soon.
Sending you 💐

He would rather have you sick and in crippling pain which could lead to something even more serious to make sure he doesn’t have to lift a finger. He’s showing you who he is.

It’s in the early days they should be doing the most.

@Cookiesncreme i am sorry you’re so poorly and dealing with your partner being unhelpful. It sounds like he’s making the situation harder. Consider sending him home and explaining to the midwives that you need some additional help. I’m sure - as other people on the thread have said - they will help you.
once you’re home and better, you can reevaluate whether this is the man you want in your life. If he can’t even step up when you’re unwell enough to need hospital treatment, when will he? No sleep is not an excuse. He can feel tired but he needs not to take it out on you!
wish you a speedy recovery 💐

Are You for real? She’s just had a fucking baby and she’s got an infection and it’s not a competition? Can you imagine any other patient that has an infection or who had just had surgery been expected to care for another person in this way? Can you imagining someone recovering from, say, an appendectomy having to make food and wash up and care for a baby while still in hospital?

OP, he sounds like a dick. Ask him to leave. You’d be better off on your own, in hospital and in general.

He may be in the wrong for how he's handling it? He IS in the wrong.

Op are you ok? I am genuinely concerned for you. Please speak to the midwife. They will think he is helping you. It might feel too exhausting but you areally do need to let them know. Good luck x

How will he cope if you become seriously unwell in the future.

My dh looks after me so well as I have a myriad of health issues for the last 20+ years. He’s done school runs, weekend clubs and yes with support from my family and friends but he’s done loads. And will continue to do in the future. If I ever needed help he was/is there.

please look at what partner does or doesn’t do. You are most likely better off without him.

Hospitals are hell when you have to be in them nevermind being trapped in them when you don't need to be. Can he bring baby home for a while during the day? It might help ease tensions if you aren't all trapped on top of each other. You could sleep and he could sleep if baby sleeps when they are at home. It seems ridiculous to have 3 people crammed on top of each other in a hospital room when only 1 needs to be there.

Op you absolute poor woman. This man is disgusting. I had a section and difficult recovery but not as bad as you, I only held and fed my baby - that's ALL I did. This man is disgusting. So angry fot you. Tell your HV.

Oh lovely. You are properly majorly seriously ill. No where else apart from the maternity ward would you currently be expected to do anything other than lie in bed and be helped. Of course you shouldn’t be fucking cleaning bottles or doing anything. If he doesn’t step up and do everything then he will have to do everything when you end up in HDU or ITU. Any friends or family you can ask to come and stay and tell him and then why?
Tell the nursing staff you are struggling and need more help.

Fucking hell, OP. I had elective surgery once and my Dh treated me like I was made of glass. Has he always been a complete arsehole?

Sounds like he deserves a large, pus-filled incision of his own, OP.

He's acting like a shit and YANBU. You deserve better.

This was quite triggering for me to read, and i am really sorry for you that you are going through this. I guess there is not a huge amount you can do whilst trying to get better and look after your newborn.
I'm not sure what things were like prior to or during pregnancy, and although emotions are high, tiredness etc.
His behaviour is not appropriate.

My exP was like this and abusive in various ways.
I knew during pregnancy and afterwards that things were not going to be good. By all of what he said or did, and all of what he didn't say or do too.

No excuses at all just that things do make people act a certain way. But his upbringing and culture added to a lot of that.
But when I learnt early on he would not push the pram or change the baby it was sad but the end.
Also when I lay in the bed after an emergency c section and our baby was crying and he would not pick baby up freely that was also sad.

Ringing and texting whilst I was out and baby home with him, or refusing to do certain things also hence so I would rush home. And calling me a b*itch mother etc etc because I was out and therefore I left my baby without the things needing doing whilst I was gone, but baby had not been home on their own 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need to get through your recovery and then take a look at things and what yon need to do, going forward.

But he's leaving her struggling that's not just tiredness.

Glad you got rid, bet you feel all the better for it!
And to think we only had the one, and my exP wanted another 😂😂🫣🫣 this is also where women have to learn, and know, it doesn't matter if the man wants a child or suggests it, you have to look at who and what they are/what your circumstances are etc before going down that road!

Does your partner not care that you are ill?

Fuck me..where are the bloody midwives in all of this? Why have we reached a point that a women is in hospital with a major problem with major abdominal surgery and the hospital cannot provide sterilised bottles for the baby, and take baby to a nursery for a while for mum to get sleep.
im 60. Its was bloody difficult to get help when I had my 2 by c-section 30 years ago. But at least if you were adamant that you were in pain, could not cope, needed sleep they’d step in and help.
dads being expected to do a midwives job? assuming this is first baby, he’s not bloody equipped for that, and even most helpful dad would be foundering, knackered by now, fearful etc. yep, he’s being a selfish prat, a lot of new dads are in first 6 weeks as it’s fucking new to them and they e not yet learnt the world doesn’t revolve around them yet. But, jeez, they need some bloody help here. A mother of a new born is sick, in hospital for a reason, needs to recover, and baby needs experienced hands to look after it to allow mum not to stress.

The bar has got so low as to what is acceptable levels of care for midwifery. And poster here just suck up that somehow , just cos a baby is involved, you’re not allowed to actually rest and recover from complication of major surgery.

jeez, I’m at a loss how low a priority mums who’ve had major abdominal surgery have become. If this was a bloke he’d not be expected to do anything than lie in bed, sleep, eat his meals bought to him, and gradually get mobile with physio and occ health support. He’d not be expected to wait on a small helpless human hand and foot continuously with no break.

nor would his wife be subject to a barrage of abuse on here becuase she wasn’t doing all his nursing becuase nhs would not provide it,

🤬🤬🤬🤬🤯