Hospital stay- partner moaning

[Cookiesncreme]

Had baby almost 2 weeks ago now, had 1 week hospital stay then went home. Was hard as I had csection and was majority of feeds and living off 2hrs sleep daily since my Labour until 3 days after got home.

I was trying to be mobile but this has now resulted in me getting a womb and incision infection and we've been in hospital with baby since Tuesday.
I've been doing night feeds and cleaning bottles and most I can do with a cannula. This later moved and caused me so much pain and is now resighted.
Anyway last night i was oozing puss all over towel, duvet and baby's clothes when he was on me feeding. I said I can't feed him anymore I'm not getting better and he's hurting me.
My partner is now p'd off as he has to have low quality if no sleep and feed charge and burp baby. I offer baby comfort, pump and can clean bottles with 1 hand but he does have to do majority.
He makes it known he's annoyed and says I'm doing everything, I said how do u propose I feed him with 1 hand and a no go zone on my stomach and uterus whilst in pain and on an iv drip every few hours??

AIBU to think he should just suck it up and stop complaining. We've been thru a lot but at least he's mobile and well.

P.s. we have a private room so no other babies keeping us up etc.

Please send him home for a few hours and speak to the staff ASAP. He is abusive and it's escalating. You need more help and support from the midwives.

Hi@Cookiesncreme
I'm a midwife and we get a lot of useless men like this.

I have absolutely no problems in telling men like this that they are staying in the hospital to help you with THEIR baby!

Picking baby up from cot.
Nappy changing.
Changing dirty clothing.
Soothing/cuddling baby.
Feeding baby from bottle if formula feeding.

All jobs he is perfectly capable of doing. I feel for you I really do. If this is what he's like in hospital God knows what he will be like at home.
We get some great Dads we really do but by God we get some utterly lazy bastards as well. I'm getting to the stage where I can't hide my thoughts anymore. I often feel like saying to them why don't you just fuck off home you useless prick.
There I feel better for that 🤣

I hope you feel better soon. Ask the midwives on the ward to have a word. Because you are in a sideroom they will be thinking he is doing the babycare and feeds which is precisely why he is staying in hospital with you!!!

Unless he has form for behaving like this I would just put it down to sleep deprivation. Yes he's being horrible but sleep deprivation is a form of torture and we all say things we don't mean when we're exhausted. I've always found I cope better with the lack of sleep than DH, some people just do not cope well at all. Of course YANBU. Unless he's generally a prick though I don't think the LTB posts are that helpful even if they are standard MN responses!

Any suggestions for longer term advice if he keeps on like this?

There is simply no competition about who has it worse here. It doesn’t matter how tired the oh is. He hasn’t had a traumatic birth, body trying to heal a major operation and now severe infection and flooded with hormones.

There’s no competition to be had. Any decent man would see that.

Op, your partner is a cunt.

Yeah LTB

Speak to the staff they can get him removed

What's your suggestion?

Ask him how he can be a parent if he resents his helpless child needs feeding and cleaning?

Fair enough, that is your perogative

Early days, so no comment.

Ridiculous! Women are expected to get on with little sleep uncomplainingly. People work overnight shifts without whining. It is a privilege for someone who has not given birth to take care of a baby all night. He can just shut up about lack of sleep.

Do you have a parent or relative who could swap out with partner? I'd send him home and tell him to come back later in a better mood if you have someone else

She IS in hospital! Her useless partner is staying with her in a side room, and the whole point of that is that he's meant to be looking after the baby while she recovers from an infected wound. Instead he's moaning about not getting sleep, and making her feel guilty, while she tries to wash bottles with the hand that doesn't have an IV in.

Missed that bit sorry.
In which case, get the ward staff to read him the riot act!

Why aren’t more men embarrassed at being so fucking useless?

Tell him to go home if he can't be kind and supportive
Ltb ASAP

What everyone else has said.
But is there anyone in your family/friendship circle who can give him a serious talking to? Make him realise that he’s being a selfish arse and endangering his partner and child with his negligent attitude?
If I needed someone, my brother would be my first choice of defender to sort out a useless piece of shit like him. Straight talker and doesn’t take crap when he thinks someone isn’t stepping up who should be. Someone your useless partner might listen to?
Yes, if when you leave hospital, you can go somewhere you will be cared for, do so. The balance is unequal, you have just given birth, had major surgery, got sick, trying to care for a newborn…and he…he’s tired.

OP this man has no respect for you. My partner was willing to wake up at 4am to go out to the shop if I had so much as a food craving. He would have looked after our children 100% without complaint if I was recovering and in pain.

He's setting the bar early on from what he's going to be like as a parent. As the saying goes, when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

You are not being unreasonable. You should be resting and only doing the bare minimum until you feel a bit stronger. If my partner were hospitalised I'd be waiting on him hand and foot and be glad to do so - and vice versa.

Kick him out and see if you can get a family member to help.

Early days indeed!!

So early this poor woman is still in hospital 2 weeks postpartum with a wound infection and her partner is behaving like an arse because he has to wake up to his child to care for them whilst the mother rests and recuperates.

I'd say there's plenty scope there for a comment. I guess we all look at things differently tho.🙄

Just wondering what happens if there is no dad. Do the midwives help or does mum still have to try to do it?

Um, he IS the baby’s parent - it should fall to him to care for his own baby and not be outsourced to others when he is perfectly capable.
I can only assume you are being deliberately annoying and goady.

Oh I had one like this he's now my ex.. He complained that he had been awake all night while I was in labour so he had to go home and get some rest. My Mam had our 2 year old daughter but ex had to go home and sleep for 12 hrs while I was in hospital having had no sleep trying to establish feeding etc etc. He came back 24 hrs after our son had been born having just picked our daughter up from my Mam. Our first night home from hospital he took himself off to the spare room because "he couldn't stick the crying" I'll never forget crying myself to sleep that night while trying to look after a newborn.
Anyway it only got worse selfish man child
Best of luck op I hope you recover quickly 💜

In my unit we absolutely do help. I know midwives get a bad press on here. We aren't all bad.
These women need rest and recuperation. The partners stay to help them, if not I see that as MY job and I will enjoy the cuddles with the baby whilst I do it.
We have MSW's and HCA's who can equally help with these tasks.