For those of us with very small families...

[crochetmonkey74]

Inspired by the best friend thread, a number of us on there have very small families. There's only me and my sibling now and I do really feel the aloneness of that. Anyone got a tiny family , how do you find it? Any coping tips?

I just have my DH and DC. No siblings, DM has dementia so our relationship is nothing like it was.

I find I cope by focusing on friendships. I've got some really solid friends. I don't know what I would do without them. It doesn't really help at times like Christmas when most of my friends are working through multiple family members.

I have a small family but I'm not bothered by it particularly and I'm a bit bemused that anyone would be. Why is having a large family thought to be better? There's no correlation between the size of the family and its quality.

My mum died recently, I was an only child so really it’s just DH and our children. Family is the people who make time for you. I don’t focus my energy looking in at other people’s narrative of a big family instead I am appreciative of the good friends who are building bonds with us and want to be close to us.

DH and DC here and quite happy with that.

Dh's parents are happy living their own lives and we rarely hear from them, see them once a year or so.

My parents have both passed away now.

I only have my father who is getting very elderly. I don’t feel alone because I have my own DCs and DH . I kind of dealt with it all when my first child was born. Sometimes I get a pang when I see a grandmother helping her daughter with her kids or a big family gathering in a restaurant. I’m sad that I never had that and that my kids don’t have it either.

i have loads of friends so I’m lucky in that way.

I’ve got my 2 DC and my brother left, that’s all 😞
parents were both only children, no cousins, aunts or uncles.
I often feel very alone.

I don't have a partner at the moment or any children so I do really struggle with the enormity of being left alone. I have some lovely friends

I have two family members left and one is very distant. I became the oldest person in my direct family left alive when I was 24. I struggle with being the keeper of memories, and also with being the keeper of all the stuff. I am the hub for the others and the one that arranges the occasions and Christmas dinners and so on. I am also the funeral arranger and the executor of wills.

It is hard to have no one to ask about anything. Does that run in the family? I don’t know. Did we go there when we were children? Maybe? Where did we bury mum/uncle/grandpa? What did grandma used to say about….?

It won't last forever. Our worst ever Christmas 3 of us sat around looking at each other. Youngest at home, just finished uni, 2 older away travelling. Ten years on and there are now 15 of us round the table at Christmas, I've had to buy lots of extra plates etc. Worth waiting for

That's so lovely and wholesome

I think my DC will end up with a small family and it makes me very sad.

My parents moved to the UK shortly before I was born so growing up it was just my parents and my siblings. I had many aunts and uncles but they were all abroad and I always felt lonely during big occasions that they were always celebrating together and we had no one.

Now, one of my siblings lives on the other side of the world and if and when he has children, it’s unlikely the cousins will be close. My other sibling won’t ever have children. On my husband’s side he has one sibling who has only one child but they also live far away and due to various other reasons we don’t see each other often. It means my children will grow up not really having anyone else and that makes me very sad that they’ll be as isolated as we were. I at least have my parents nearby though which is something.

Me! Me! I’m an only child, my mother was an only child. My father had an older brother but he passed years ago. Both of my parents have died in the last years.
I am very lucky to have a lovely husband who supports me and 2 great kids. And his family really take care of me like i am one of theirs. I have a lovely MIL (a rarity on MN!).

But often it feels lonely. Nobody left to discuss my childhood with. Nobody who loves me unconditionally anymore. Nobody who can listen for hours to stories about my kids, like my mum used to do.
Luckily i have loads of photos. They all came to me from my grandparents on down. Sometimes i have a “sad day” and i sit with all my photos and cry. It sort of helps.

I don't speak to any of my family and I'm a lone parent. Yes it does bother me having no family.

Myself and my DH come from very big Irish families, but have an only child, not through choice. We both both enjoyed being from large families, so have found it very very sad for our son. But it can't be helped.

Yes, I basically have dh and my DC. That's it. I came from a large extended family and grew up in a multi generational family but they've all gone now.

Yup this is me. I've 1 DC, husband and that's us. Grateful for those two every single morning when I wake up.

Grandparents are either estranged or not there, and so we are very nuclear.

I feel we are even more precious.

Large family here but due to delightful narc DM, there is no contact with half my siblings and all relatives have shunned our family.

Separated from H. I do worry about the future for DC.

I'm an only, with an only. My parents and their families are either difficult to spend time with due to all the responsibilities they place on me or have been cut from my life. DPs family aren't close physically or metaphorically and I can't push on that.

I would have loved loads of kids myself to start a happy home but we only managed to have one. I tell myself this is a good thing, joke that I don't like kids but my heart aches. If we die, what is DD left with? No connections but those she forges herself. Friends are the family we choose but the bonds are easier to break.

By chance my cousins are DDs age and perhaps I should push that relationship but I only speak to their mum who was married into the family and now divorced. You've given me food for thought so thank you.

Mine is me and my mum. No siblings, no cousins. Aunt, grandparents and my dad all dead. I don't have kids (by choice). My mum never had another partner after my dad died 30 years ago and I've been single for six years now. It's very very hard and scary to think that I'll likely grow old alone.

I have a small family. I'm on only child. My DM and DF are still alive and in relatively good health, but they are in their late 60's and I'm realistic to the reality that they won't be here forever.
I have my DH (he is also an only child). His DF passed away a long time ago and is DM is sadly terminally ill. We have one DC, and the thought of him being all alone in this world when we pass away is what is driving us to want to try for another baby even though we're in our early 40's.

My kids have only two cousins on my DH side. I have to sisters neither with kids and one sis has no partner . Very small Xmas gatherings. I am envious of people with larger close family .

It's just me, my daughter and son, my mum dad and my granddaughter.

There’s just me, dh and our two dc (one adult aged). My Mum was horrible and died in 2019, I have no other relatives. My dh is no contact with all of his and has been for years. Neither of us have any friends either. Very introverted and don’t want them. I think bad experiences with people has just put us off. It does annoy me a little because if there’s an emergency (and I have a lot of disabilities so sometimes there is) there’s no one to help or step in but then both of us know from experience that having “people” doesn’t guarantee that anyway.

@crochetmonkey74
If it's any consolation, big families are not always close families.
I'm an only child, born to a father who was an only child, and a mother who moved here from another European country. So no close extended family. I have cousins, but they all live far away.
I married a man who was one of 11, (not the reason I married him, btw!).
His sisters are close, (with each other, but not with the sisters-in-law, including me), but his 3 remaining brothers are like strangers and don't mix with each other at all. 2 other brothers have died, but things were just the same when they were alive. I find that quite extraordinary, especially as they are all within a 20 minute drive from each other.
My 2 kids don't have any contact with their many cousins on my DH's side, despite my efforts to integrate with his family when I got married, and then when I had my DC.
I admit that one reason I had DC was to have a "proper" family of my own. Both my DC are in their 30's. DS lived away, returned to us due to health issues, but will move out as soon as he can afford to. DD is married and lives overseas. For career and health reasons, I doubt that either will have DC's, but you never know.
So having family is no guarantee against potentially being left alone.
I focus on good friends, and doing work and stuff that I enjoy and give my life meaning and purpose
You say you don't have a partner at the moment, or any children. Are you of an age whereby having children sometime in the future is a possibility?

I feel very isolated. I had a very small but close family growing up and it sometimes shocks me how alone I am now. Both my parents and their siblings gone, NC with my only sibling. I have a lovely DP and friends but my best friend is moving away soon and I feel so sad about it. It's bought up a lot of insecurity.