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Original poster

For those of us with very small families...

136 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 12/04/2024 22:18

Inspired by the best friend thread, a number of us on there have very small families. There's only me and my sibling now and I do really feel the aloneness of that. Anyone got a tiny family , how do you find it? Any coping tips?

OP posts:
Jelliclecats · 12/04/2024 23:54

It’s just me and my children, nobody else, and it’s incredibly lonely at times. I have two good friends but both live hundreds of miles away, near by are only acquaintances. Also, grief of bereavement even many years later can hit like a freight train.

I wish I could make a local friend, but most people seem to find me odd. I’m lucky that I’m an introvert I suppose.

Crazycatlady79 · 13/04/2024 00:15

It's just my DC and me.
Officially, I do have a sister, but I may as well not have.
My DC have half-siblings, so they see them around once a month, occasionally see teenage paternal cousins and have been over to see their paternal European family a few times with their Father.
I don't mind it for me (well, I do, it's like a quiet void that I compartmentalise, as it's too emotionally painful to access), but I mind it for my DC.

Catsmere · 13/04/2024 00:20

My family consists of my mother, who's in residential care, my sister, who's in Queensland, and me, in Victoria. It doesn't really bother me, except for what will happen to my cats if anything happens to me. My sister and I chat every week or so. We have better/less strained support services here, I think, than Britain does. It wasn't hard to move Mum into care this year. I'm in a retirement village, so there are plenty of people around, and it has its own support services should I need them (now if only they'd find me a job!). Any oddness I feel about living alone is because it's the first time in my life I've been able to do so.

Sparklybutold · 13/04/2024 00:21

I'm estranged from all my family. I feel incredibly sad and lonely. I haven't met anyone who is in this set up. Literally no one.

mrlistersgelfbride · 13/04/2024 00:29

I like it. There's my parents and my brother.
I don't see any of them regularly, we get on but we are quite different and live separate lives.
We check in with each other most weeks.
See parents once a month maybe more, and DB a few times a year.
My partner is from a large family who have a tendency to live in each others pockets, it can be a pain.

I do have plenty of friends and I like my own company, I can imagine it could be lonely without that.

BruFord · 13/04/2024 00:31

I’m an only with an elderly Dad, DH has three siblings, but as we’re the only ones with children, his side of the family’s shrinking! My children have commented that there’s literally no one in their age group.

But, I’m now building bridges with my first cousins and their families, which is great. Unfortunately my Dad and his siblings constantly fell out when we were growing up, so we barely knew each other.

As PP’s have said, focus on friendships and perhaps reach out to extended family. I get on well with my cousins now that I’m finally getting to know them.

nothingsforgotten · 13/04/2024 00:51

I don't have any close family. My DPs are dead, no siblings, no partner, no children. I have a few cousins, and we like each other but aren't close. I cope because there is no choice, and no point in worrying about it. Mostly I'm absolutely fine, and more than happy with my own company.

CirreltheSquirrel · 13/04/2024 01:02

I have a sister and a dad, and her kids but my dad lives abroad and my sister lives a couple of hours away so I don't see them that much. My mum was an only child and my dad has two childless brothers, one of whom also lives abroad. My OH is an only child but does have both his parents.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 13/04/2024 05:10

louderthan · 12/04/2024 22:56

Mine is me and my mum. No siblings, no cousins. Aunt, grandparents and my dad all dead. I don't have kids (by choice). My mum never had another partner after my dad died 30 years ago and I've been single for six years now. It's very very hard and scary to think that I'll likely grow old alone.

This is closest to my experience. I'm generally quite a jolly person but this can freeze me in my tracks sometimes

OP posts:
Overthebow · 13/04/2024 05:20

I did, I’m an only child and my parents moved away years ago and I hardly see them. I made my own family, I have DH and two DC. It very much factored into my decision not to have an only child.

Spencer0220 · 13/04/2024 05:21

Thepeopleversuswork · 12/04/2024 22:23

I have a small family but I'm not bothered by it particularly and I'm a bit bemused that anyone would be. Why is having a large family thought to be better? There's no correlation between the size of the family and its quality.

Exactly. DH came from a huge family where 20+ would holiday together every year. He's ended up estranged from every single one.

I'm from a tiny family. We call and text two of my relatives most days and never feel lonely.

Overthebow · 13/04/2024 05:32

Surely it depends how small it is and if you are happy with it? If I hadn’t got my DH and DCs my family would pretty much just be me.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 13/04/2024 05:34

I no longer have anything to do with my remaining parent or my sibling. Took a conscious decision to remove them from my life a few years ago, and I'm much happier for it. I don't understand why people force themselves to entertain people they wouldn't choose as friends just because they are related.

Just me on my own, occasionally have my partner over, and meet up with friends once in a while. I wouldn't have it any other way. Life is nice, quiet, and tranquil and I don't feel any need to keep the company of people I'm totally ambivalent about just for the sake of company.

GerundTheBehemoth · 13/04/2024 06:05

I have no partner, no children and no parents. One sister who I love, but we are not close (in any sense - she lives abroad). I regard my close friends as family.

Sunnnybunny72 · 13/04/2024 06:10

My parents are dead and I don't see my brother. Aunts, uncles and cousins live all over the country and never see them. There is no member of my family now I ever see anymore.
Do have a lovely DH and two DC.

FiveShelties · 13/04/2024 06:11

Another only child with no children. I have my husband and an Uncle who is 95. Not overly concerned but I did feel quite alone when sorting my Mum's funeral, clearing and selling her home last year. That was tough.

imforeverblowingbuttons · 13/04/2024 06:22

I have a dad who needs support and a sister who lives the opposite end of the country who I don't really get along with. I have aunts and uncles but we never saw them growing up and I never speak to them now other than at weddings/funerals.

We have dh parents and sister who I get on fine with but they are not close by. We see them every month or so.

I consider my family to be me dh and our 3 kids. Plus the older two have partners now who are fab. Hopefully my three will be close when they are older.

WarwickDavis · 13/04/2024 06:25

Small pair of steps in rhe kitchen is a definite help, other than that we're quite happy.

FiveShelties · 13/04/2024 06:32

WarwickDavis · 13/04/2024 06:25

Small pair of steps in rhe kitchen is a definite help, other than that we're quite happy.

Different!😂

AuntieMarys · 13/04/2024 06:38

I have 1 sibling and 3 cousins who live 300 miles away. My adult dc live 250 miles away.
I have a great dh and we are always out and about...he has 3 siblings who live 10 minutes away who he never sees as they are flaky.
You don't need a big family. Friends are much more important IMO.

MurielThrockmorton · 13/04/2024 06:46

I am single, I have a 21-year-old DD who hopes to have three children (!) my mum is 90 and needs a lot of support that I don't have the capacity to give her, and my brother is useless and I barely speak to him, everything is been dumped on me with no support. I have a cousin in America and I do have lots of friends but it's not quite the same, I feel bad when DD goes to her boyfriend's or friends' families and there's lots of them (although to be fair some of them are quite dysfunctional and that makes me feel not too bad!) and at home for her it's only me. I was quite ill a couple of years ago as well and having nobody around to support me other than asking favours from friends who have their own priorities was really hard. I do really make the effort to link up with more distant family and friends, but I feel as though it's a lot of me making the effort rather than other people making it.

Mother40 · 13/04/2024 06:57

I have a very small family, just my husband, 2 children and mum. 2 cousins, one of whom loves in New zealand so hardly ever see them! I had a sister who died when she was 4. I think this makes the wanting a bigger family worse as I think of what could have been. When I hear about others big family or having really close siblings etc gatherings it does upset me. I would have loved a big family.

rockingbird · 13/04/2024 07:17

Just me and my two children. I do have three siblings-haven't seen any of them in 5/10years I get the annual happy birthday message if I'm lucky. DH lied and cheated and he was the only person I actually thought I could rely on 😞 parents both passed, dad when I was 7 mother when I was 30 after years of cancer and she was a functioning alcoholic for all of my childhood. Pretty fucked up.. it hurts, I hide it well and hold it together for my children. Typing this out makes me feel incredibly sad, I keep a tight lid on these feelings most of the time. Sad to see others also so alone. x

Mairzydotes · 13/04/2024 07:49

I'm an only child . Both my parents have now passed. I have two cousins ( who are married with grown up dc ) but they don't live local to me. We don't have much in common apart from sharing a set of grandparents.

I don't get on with my pil and my bil has no children. There are cousins and aunts/ uncles on their side , but we don't see them .

My small family was part of my decision to have 3 dc. I am quite conscious of it, and sometimes it makes me sad . Inevitably, I compare myself to people with close family.

I don't have any close friends either.

BobbyBiscuits · 13/04/2024 07:53

I'm an only child, just mum around now. I do have cousins but they are all men who are 15-20 years older and live far away.
I know people with very big families but as they say, you can pick your friends...