For those of us with very small families...

[crochetmonkey74]

Inspired by the best friend thread, a number of us on there have very small families. There's only me and my sibling now and I do really feel the aloneness of that. Anyone got a tiny family , how do you find it? Any coping tips?

I wish I had a big family. I don't speak to my sister so it's really only me parents, husband and children. It's a shame for them. I wish they had cousins to play with.

Hi @crochetmonkey74 I hope you don't mind me resurrecting your thread. I just wanted to say that I am in very similar circumstances and share your worries and fears.

Would it maybe help if you could meet friends (both online and in 'real life') who are in the same position? I have a real life friend like this. Our friendship definitely makes me feel less alone. I am hoping I can bring together some more people like us and form a 'family' that way.

I just don't know how to find people though. Maybe we could start a thread asking for people in these exact circumstances and take it from there?

There's just my 2 DC and me.
I DO have a sister, but don't even see one another annually. I have zero clue about her life and vice versa.
I used to feel sad/lonely about it, but I really don't anymore.
Or maybe I do, but any sadness is buried so deep, I can no longer access it.

It's just DH, DS and I. It does make me sad when I see family relationships and I'd love to have grandparents or aunts and uncles in DS's life. I'd have loved more children but sadly not to be so I worry what will happen to him when we go.

Christmas is the worst, endless mentions of "the family" coming over for celebrations, nope, it's just us three as usual.

@SpikeGilesSandwich I agree, Christmas really highlights the lack of family. I wish it didn't have to come round every year. My plan for the future (when I am truly on my own) is to tire myself out the day before and go to bed very late so that I can just sleep through most of the day itself.

Exactly. Coping tips makes it sounds like an illness too.

Dosent .mean the family relations are happy.
There's loads of threads also at Xmas about people having to see family they don't want too.

It's hard, I'm not sure people with a DH and kids are in the same situation. I have my mother and two siblings left but I don't speak to one sibling. None of us have kids. There's 3 of us at Christmas, one sibling doesn't join us and I put up with the other one for mum's sake. Once my mum is gone I expect to be alone in the world completely (doubt I'll have any sort of relationship with siblings after that) it's scary if I think about it too much. Don't expect to have a DH or kids at this point.

I just have my mum , sibling is estranged and feel very uncomfortable when I'll be left alone . I have friends but not the connection of family .

This is such a cute idea. If you do start a thread, please tag me. I'm Northampton based.

We both have siblings but as adults they have not enhanced our lives at all so be careful whatt you wish for.

Focus on what what you have, not what you haven't

@Ginghamsheep Please can I join? 🙋🏼‍♀️

I only have my DD, my elderly DM (with whom I have a very hot & cold relationship for historical reasons) and an older DB who I do not get along with well at all. Civilities at best.
I also no longer have any friends, after a 20 year friendship turned very one sided. After that, I realised I'd found myself with no other friends, I'd mostly just focused on that friendship. So now I have nobody besides my child! I'm so lonely I could cry.

I've tried the anonymous threads on local groups on fb and even a thread on MN. However despite initially getting a really good response, those people never really engaged much further. Once they realised I'm no longer married & therefore a single mum and/or they realised I have a disability (physical not mental but not in a wheelchair) they mostly went silent or did so shortly after.

Me. I’ve lost both parents and no one left, haven’t connected with DH’s family and after caring for mum and daughter with additional needs, barely any friends either. I’m desperately lonely but I don’t know how I can change it either.

It's so sad to hear that there are lots of us in this position, and it's through no fault of our own.

Let me have a think how best we could get people making connections. If I started a thread asking people to tell us a little bit about themselves including rough location (doesn't have to be their specific town obviously!) would I be breaching any Mumsnet rules?

Do you have any friends who are in a similar position to you or do they all have children / extended family? I think perhaps finding people who are in the same position is key (as in finding people who 'need' you as much as you 'need' them, rather than those who have families which they put first). I hope I have phrased that OK!

That's sad that a few posters felt sad to be with only a few people at Xmas.
I've been on my own, then with one of person, 2, 20 etc.
I've sat around a table with at least 10 people who don't talk and it was depressing and miserable.
I've spent Xmas with one amazing person!
It is what you make it isn't it? I'd rather be with 1 2 or 3 great people in a cozy space, lit well, good music etc and good chat than 15 in a miserable stark place...

My side is very small now sadly and yes I have some good pals.

But even though tesco ads at Xmas make us feel bad with large happy no all around... It is what we make it.

That's a positive way of looking at it and I do agree that quality is better than quantity.

Small family here, dh and 2 dc who we adore. All parents passed and siblings on other side of the country.
i did have two dear friends but they also passed away in the last few years.

Threads like this bring me to tears. My ds will be all alone. I can't bear to have another child. Sibling doesn't have kids. Dh an only child

I am sorry. I won't lie that it is very difficult and scary to be in this position, but I think only children can be made of tough stuff and we do our best to rise up to the challenges we face.

Absolutely this.

What a depressing thread, and one way to make people with only children feel like shit, whether it's their choice or not.

My dh has no issue with being an only. His dad has already died aswell. There seems to be alot of threads on here about only child bashing recently.

I don't think people with only children should be sad. I am an only child who could not have children and have no regrets. I have never missed having siblings and don't think I missed out on anything.

@Ginghamsheep

No I don't know anyone else totally alone , all my friends have children and extended families .
It's very hard to find any connection to others in the same situation because there are so few of us .