For those of us with very small families...

[crochetmonkey74]

Inspired by the best friend thread, a number of us on there have very small families. There's only me and my sibling now and I do really feel the aloneness of that. Anyone got a tiny family , how do you find it? Any coping tips?

Small family but see much more of them than DH sees of his which is a huge family so quality over quantity in our case.
But l would love to have a bigger family.

You have now Sparkly, unfortunately. Dysfunctional parents and supporting sibling here so I'm not in contact with them. They live abroad, hours and hours away.

On the plus side I'm not likely to bump into them 😁

@crochetmonkey74

Yes get where you are coming from. Orginally came from a larger family but due to circumstances around severe mental health relating to birth mother,
that side of my family become severally fractured too,
Hence being adopted by lovely family ,
for a few or several years normality in regards of family life,

then my mother who adopted became seriously ill with breast cancer subsequently died cause life can be a Bastard 💩 at times.

A partner is merely a bonus in life. Friends, strangers and colleagues enrich ones life. Fleeting interactions, or strong friendships are our rocks (or pebbles) and fun.
Go to afternoon/evening lectures on topics you know noyjing about. Explore quirky, off the beaten track, museums. Go to a live sports event.
You have some much opportunity to fill your life. Don't pine for the unnecessary! 😊

@VestibuleVirgin my husband is not merely a bonus, he is my best friend and meeting him is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Friends have come and gone as we have we moved around the world.

Lost my sister and mum in last few years, dad died 35 years ago. It's tough. It kills me that my dd11 doesn't have grandparents when other kids her age do.

I am an only child. My parents are alive still and I have a lovely partner, but I often feel sick to my core when I think about how small my support network is and how I could end up alone - especially in old age. It has taken over my life to be honest, and I worry about it from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep again at night (and even in my sleep I sometimes have nightmares related to my situation). It's a horrible place to be in and is ruining my life.

I am currently having therapy and trying to make some new friends.

I know I don't speak for everyone, but I do think that being an only child is very tough. I see people on Mumsnet saying their only child will be fine as they'll have 'play dates etc' but it's the longer term which needs consideration. Obviously not everyone has a good relationship with their siblings and extended family, but if there is none, you guarantee there will be no relationship.

I actually wish my parents had not had me at all. I used to quite enjoy life, but now I have had this massive realisation about how alone I am / might be in the future, the extreme anxiety I have takes away any enjoyment of life. I am honestly very mentally unwell with it all.

I’m glad that you’re having therapy @Strawberriesandpears , because feeling this way isn’t a healthy way to live your life.

Im also an only, Mum died when I was on my 20’s, Dad now in his 80’s with health problems. I’ve accepted and am at peace with the fact that ultimately, we’re all alone in this life and one day I could easily find myself alone. I have a DH and children, but both kids seem adventurous types and unlikely to live close by. I’m prepared for them to live on different continents, tbh!

I hope that therapy enables you to make peace with your situation. 💐

Very similar to you, OP, in thst I'm also single with no children. An only child, my parents had siblings but sadly they died young, so no aunts and uncles or cousins either. I try and take the approach that it is what it is and no point dwelling on what could have been.

I have some very good friends who are a great support network. My parents are still alive, although getting on a bit now. They're my only family, so I do sometimes wonder what Christmas, or life in general, will be like once they pass, but again, it's my life and I can't change it, might as well make the most of what I have.

I’m on my own, almost completely. Parents, grandparents died in my 20’s, aunts and uncles followed, sibling died 3 years ago. I have no kids and my closest blood relatives are four cousins who I am no longer in touch with - we drifted apart as we grew up and I don’t even know their addresses. I am not married and am childless by circumstance.

It scares me when I think about getting old - after my sibling and my uncle died suddenly I realised I didn’t actually have a next of kin in case I ended up on a machine in hospital.

So, I’ve asked my best mate to be my executor and she also has Power of Attorney. I have made peace with spending time on my own and practice by going on solo holidays and doing sports and pastimes on my own (as well as with my friends!). Weirdly after a decade of being single I met a guy four years ago - we will probably not get married or join assets as he has kids and I have godchildren but I see him a couple of days a week. He said he liked my independence.

It still bothers me that I am alone - I miss my nuclear family dreadfully. But, I am a year away from the age my mum died (52) and 5 years older than my sibling ever got to be. I can’t let this tie me up in knots - I have to enjoy life because they didn’t get to do that.

@pasturesgreen Yes, it’s best to accept the family situation and focus on cultivating the relationships/relationships that you do have.

My DH is one of four, but his family is very scattered so we have to make a big effort in order to see his siblings. They couldn’t (and if I’m honest, wouldn’t) provide any support to us anyway, and we’ve accepted that.

@PauliesWalnuts It’s weird when you realize that you’re close to the age that your parent (and/or sibling died), isn’t it? My Mum’s health was already deteriorating at 49, my current age, and I’m very aware of how lucky I am not to be battling a chronic illness as she did.

@BruFord Thank you. It is difficult being an only child, isn't it? Wishing you all the best for whatever happens in your future too.

@BruFord its very strange, and one I unhealthily obsess over I think. On the day I am older than she ever was I plan to go and stay at Gravety Manor, tour their kitchen garden and then eat there. I think she would have loved that. Then I really need to draw a line under it.

This is me . Once mum goes I will be alone . I have good friends but not the ' connections' family gives .

Big families aren't all that. Whilst I am an only child(you will find out why soon). Mum was one of 11 dad one of 10. They are both long dead, before I was 25. I am 55.
I have 46 first cousins that I know of. Perhaps more. God knows how many second.

Mum was the oldest of her dad's kids, nan had two prior to meeting him. Not sure if she was married to her first husband or not!

Dad was sick as a child so wasn't sent to school!

So they basically help raise their younger siblings...often dad would earn good money and mum.would help her almost totally workshy family out. When dad wasn't earning, which was the case permanently from the time I was 11, most were conspicuous by their absence..especially when mum got cancer.
Dads mother...well she was only happy when her family were fighting, literally physically at times. So they are completely dysfunctional.

I could go on. One member of my very large family has contacted me since Christmas. Via Facebook. For years I was told "we don't see enough of you" I was expected to do all the work, go and see them...often finding it was an inconvenience that I had visited.
So 5 years ago I stopped. No one really noticed. I keep them at arms length, Facebook keeps me informed.
Do I miss them, no, they were never really there.

I have my widowed mum, bro and sis in law, we have two DC each. So 9 of us now. Sorry one more, an aunt in Spain who is very unwell. Not tiny but certainly not large. In the last 6 years I have lost a parent, 3 aunts and 2 uncles. I fear remaining aunt may not be far off.

Sadly aunts and uncles were either child free or estranged from their DC so I don't know my cousins.

I do feel sad about it. I'd love my DC to have more people around them who love them. I had lots of aunts and uncles growing up, some great, some not so much but I felt part of something bigger I suppose.

It sometimes takes my breath away that other people have children, siblings AND nieces and nephews and I have none of those. Not sure what I did to deserve this loneliness. I have kind of given up on life almost - what's the point without family. It's so fundamental.

And I hate that there's nothing I can do to 'fix' my problem. I am just railroading into a sad and lonely future followed by dying alone.

I am even going to have to at some point face arranging my own funeral as I have nobody else to do it. I am going for a direct cremation though as there will be nobody to attend. I can't believe how insignificant my life is compared to others. I am just nothing. Not a mother, never a grandmother, not an aunty, not a sister, not a sister-in-law. Just so insignificant and pointless.

I'm an only, my DH is an only and we have 1 child. I would have liked more but it just wasn't meant to be. I feel sad my son doesn't have any aunts/uncles/cousins and his remaining grandparents are in their 80s.
I try my best to help him be a confident child to make friendships and have a wide circle. Hopefully one day he'll settle down with a partner. I worry about the future when me and my DH have gone. I hope thats many years away but it's still on my mind.

Aww good luck to you all. This is one of the reasons I feel I can't have a child - because I can't give them any extended family and I feel I would live with constant anxiety about leaving them alone in the world. It's another of the major drawbacks of being an only child, I feel.

I have friends who have young children and have had them around the same time as their siblings have. They are all now growing up in a lovely family unit together. I so wish that could be my life.

💐

It's taken a while but I've accepted that my lot in life is to have no extended family. I had a collection of my own kids and just focus on them and my husband. I regret that my children don't have the extended family I'd wish for them either, but that is a result of my parents' choices which I'm stuck with.

I have friends who have young children and have had them around the same time as their siblings have. They are all now growing up in a lovely family unit together.

@Strawberriesandpears Having siblings is no guarantee of nieces/nephews/cousins for your own children though. My DH has three siblings and they’ve all chosen to be childfree!

I just assumed that my children would have a few cousins on DH’s side, but nope! Instead, some of my first cousins happened to have children close in age to my own so they’ve got some second cousins!

Oh I appreciate that there's no guarantee. However when you have no siblings there is unfortunately a guarantee that it is never going to happen.

I just read a few threads on here about family arguments over holidays/Christmas/inheritance/parents visiting too often or not enough...
and feel thankful I don't have any of that.

@crochetmonkey74

Thank you for setting up this mumsnet thread..😊
Good idea