Would you be offended if your Bil picked you up?

[Stressedjustthinkingaboutit]

If you were flying to visit your sister on your own with your kids to another country. Would you be offended if her other half came to pick you up at the airport and drop you at your hotel?
Reason being, it’s at night and your sister is doing bedtime with their dc, would this bother you? Or would you expect your sister to be the one to come?
They will see each other the next morning

I wouldn't give a monkeys. It's just a lift.

@Allofaflutter Visiting sister lives 10
minures from parents and saw them only days before

I think that offended is the wrong word for this OP. Disappointed, or even a bit hurt, would be better.

Talking offence is almost always seen as unreasonable or sulky. Being disappointed (in my 'Australia and not having seen each other for years' scenario) or a little bit hurt would be absolutely reasonable I think.

I still don't understand why BIL can't do bedtime and entertain his in-laws though.

I would be also a bit put out I wasn’t invited to the house until the next day. In my family that just isn’t the way we do things.

Wouldn’t be offended, grateful for lift and delighted to see any one of my BiLs, all of whom are fab people.

OP, what is the context? Is she usually entitled? Is she the golden child? Is she the proverbial black sheep?

Instead of giving the bare minimum info that means people are going to insult your sister why not give some context.

I would wonder why BIL can’t put the children to bed but otherwise I wouldn’t be offended.

But it's obviously the evening, as it's the kids' bedtime, and she's going straight to her hotel, so they wouldn't be 'getting together', they'd all just be sitting in a car for a bit and then going their separate ways again so everyone can get to bed.

@Allofaflutter It will be past 9 at night, young child in bed and elderly mum in bed. They also have to check in and get settled

@KreedKafer Yes, would be different I think if it was daytime

@Stressedjustthinkingaboutit ok fair enough. But either way wouldnt you all want to see each other that night.
BIL would bring the sister back to see sister and parents that night.

That's the part that doesn't make sense, why are you getting together the next day. Unless you all see one another all the time.

You know your family best and it feels like you're 100% happy with this.

I think of someone is doing you a favour you should accept the favour how it's offered or arrange your own transport.

My DH would do this, I don't mind driving but sometimes people don't like it in the dark. I'd be grateful for the lift at all.

It would be the lack of effort that I'd be disappointed by, to be honest. But I acknowledge that I kind of roll my eyes at the "man can't do kids' bedtime" or "woman doesn't like night driving" reasons that other people don't seem to turn a hair at.

I live in the US and have hosted family from the UK countless times. I always do the airport pickup - the way I see it, if my family have gone to the trouble of taking an international trip to see me, the least I can do is pick them up! Though I agree with a previous poster that the context is important - is it a flight to Austria or Australia?

But it's the evening, and she's staying in a hotel, so she would be coming with her kids to the house to say a brief hello and then would have to be driven again to her hotel where she then has to unpack, sort her own kids out etc. It seems a lot nicer to me, if you're arriving at night, to go straight to the hotel, freshen up, sort everything out, settle the kids and have a good nights sleep before seeing your family in the morning. Why would anyone be 'put out' by what is clearly the most convenient arrangement?

Do you get on with your BIL?

Not everyone sleeps that early. Some people would go to the hotel with their sister and catch up without distractions.

I think it would be polite to inform the person arriving of what the arrangements are. So if you know what to expect it reduces any possible offence. I would hope the bil would be good at listing cases etc so that could be a bonus. Though if parents are at home with dc you could both go, if the car was big enough

Also, "past 9pm" is hardly 3:00am! Sister seems a bit lame, to be honest.

@pootlin At 9-10 at night with young dc at home and after they’ve all got off a flight and probably want to eat and chill?

Nope, wouldn't be offended. I was visiting a friend once, and she ended up having to work nights, so I spent the whole first evening with her husband who I had never met before. While I was a bit hesitant, I wasn't offended - sometimes things don't work out in the mist ideal way.

I'm guessing you are the sister and it's your husband collecting (I've only read the op, no replies, so I'm not swayed by any responses).

Maybe it's not "man can't do bedtime" and it is a case of "woman won't drive at night"

@Stressedjustthinkingaboutit hasn't said why BiL picked her up, just that sis was doing bedtime/ looking after parents.

I just don't really see what difference it makes to have a night's sleep beforehand. I really wouldn't feel the need to see everyone the moment I stepped off the plane.

It really depends on the person. My sister lives abroad, she's a night owl and she would totally want to spend time with me at that time. But she wouldn't mind if I said no.

I think the sister who seems 'a bit lame' is the one who can't cope with being driven to a hotel by someone unless they share DNA. The visiting sister just sounds needy and immature to me.