A son is a son until he finds a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life

[Eminemmilkshake]

AIBU to find this comment offensive, sexist and untrue?
Its something DH family say often, suggesting I have ‘taken’ him from them and that my son will be taken one day too. Apparently my DDs will never leave.
My eldest DD is a teen and spends a lot of time with her boyfriend. I rarely spent time at home as a teen and I eventually went NC with my parents for various reasons. I know plenty of men who spend more time with their parents than their sisters do. Outdated comments like this need to stop being spouted, have any of you been the focus of this statement?

For those insisting this is BS:

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140819082912.htm

I see something in it. Dh loves his parents but needs nudges to make contact. It is like his brain works differently. If I’ve not messaged my mum for three days that’s quite a long time but dh will go weeks without making contact. His mum is as bad though - but she has 2 sons. Not sure who is to blame. Dm used to remind my dad to call his mum too. It’s weird.

I have two wonderful DILs. See a lot of them. We all live close by to each other which helps. I'm very lucky.

I think girls often drift away from their families until they themselves have children then they (assuming they had good relationships to start with) turn back for support and advice particularly from their mothers as they have given birth. Boys don't tend to need this support in the same way.
When a mother has been focused on her child for years it can be hard for some to come to terms with especially when the Dil is openly favouring her own mother....as many on mn do.

The saying certainly rings true for both my parents and PIL.

Let's hope my DS stays close 🙏🏼

I think it’s true for the ones that say it - like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Certainly true for my MIL.
I find in some ways in the long term it’s the opposite. I know many men who enjoy spending time with their parents and doing things for them, and lots of daughters who really resent it.

I used to do the reminding for my DH too. Until MIL alienated me so far over many years that I decided I just wasn't anymore. It shouldn't be my responsibility to facilitate their relationship. I have enough to do already. DH has nothing to do with his mother now. That's entirely on him. I've never got in the way but just stopped driving their relationship. I suspect DH learned from his mother that managing social contact is 'wife work'. Best to be nice to the wife then.

It’s bs. Toxic families need an excuse why their offsprings choose to not be part of the toxic environment once they grow up; can’t be the parents fault for sure 🙄.

Some women really do have a MIL from hell though! Mine is incredibly annoying. I have very little relationship with her but I don't, and never will, stop her having a relationship with her son or her grandkids!

I think it just comes from mums and daughters (supposedly) being really close, so it's to their mums for mothers day, Christmas etc.
It was true when my mum was here, she was the mum we went to first.

I say there is no way I'm letting that happen with our DS, ....he is mine....all mine I tell you !!!!

I have sons and someone quoted this so I asked them how did that apply to my son who is gay?!!

She didn't have an answer !!

I think like a lot of old sayings there’s some truth in it.

I would say it’s true to a degree of most of the families I know. And not surprisingly really - women do tend to manage family relationships, and on average they will want to make more effort with their own parents even if they like the in laws.

Also, pregnancy, birth and the baby years are very intense and intimate and most women will want to communicate more closely with their mums than their MILs about this, which is natural, but also sets ups the material grandparents as the closer relationship by default.

It’s not always true obviously, and I’d imagine (and hope) it’s becoming less so, although I’m not sure it will ever change completely just because of the baby years mostly fall to women.

I'm closer to my exMIL than my ex is! So not true in MY case, but on balance I still think it's generally true.
When I think of grandparents - All my friends, including me, were closer to maternal, as we saw them more often.

I would have been open to being closer to my MIL than my own mother, if it had worked out that way. It would have been lovely to have MIL I could have had a friendship with.

As it is, we have no contact. I've never stopped my DH or children having a relationship with her, just stopped being the one to make sure DH called his mother regularly, invited her to things, bought her presents. I fairly gave him warning this was now his responsibility. That he then didn't make the effort MIL can reflect on the whys of.

Total nonsense in my experience. My dad was an only child who always looked out for his widowed mum, with my mum supporting him. My DH does the same for his mum. She tells me she's gained a daughter in him marrying me.

My MiL cried on my wedding day. Not because she didn't like me because she said she finally had a DD now. She had 3 sons. I invited my future MiL to help me pick my wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses. She was so grateful and tearful. She told me it was a pleasure she thought she'd never experience because she had 3 DS's and no daughters. She's really lovely to me. So much so that my DH thinks she loves me more than him. We go out for a cream tea together or even just looking around the shops. DH wouldn't really want to go shopping with his Mum.

This.
Very close to my son
Dd very rarely contacts.

I like mil. She’s a very anxious person and if the men (her sons and dh) let her feel heard I think she’d be less anxious. That said, I have a busy life and it’s dh’s responsibility but I do do some nudging.

MIL said this and her daughter. Ridiculous saying

I'm just as close if not more so to my adult DS's as I am to DD. My elder DS rings me every week sometimes twice. I see him about once every 8 weeks because he lives 200 miles away from me. I know his gf lives close to her Mum and sister but I make sure I'm very nice and friendly towards her. I buy her nice thoughtful gifts and she texts me most weeks. My younger son lives about 3 miles from me and comes to dinner once a week, he invited me to go out for a breakfast or a lunch with him most weeks. He cooks for me once most weeks too. My DD has a busy life with 2DC and works full time. She lives almost 200 miles from me too but in the opposite direction. I visit her 3 or 4 times a year and she visits me usually 2 or 3 times a year. We chat on phone or text about every other week. She doesn't get a lot of time.

My MIL had no problem making sure he was heard. I suspect her controlling nature was an expression of anxiety (above even average levels of controlling - having to be in charge and the centre of everything), but that doesn't mean I have to let her take over and dictate my life.

I stopped nudging after many years of effort with her. Sometimes you just get to the point where it's healthier to step back rather than constantly trying in a toxic situation.

That's lovely. I wish I had this with my MIL.

This. I’m a man of nearly 40, I’m married and closer to my Mum than ever.
People are so focused on typical sexism towards women they miss that an awful lot is geared towards men too.

Another one here who had a fantastic mil. I was very close to her. Dh says I had a better relationship with her than he did.

She has been gone 6 years now. I miss her every day.

I like this comment and the truth it holds. I wish someone would remind my MIL and DH about it.
Women stay close to their mothers to learn from and confide in, something which never stops. A son should remain close to his father for his same reason..but the mothers role diminishes once he has his own family.