For thinking DH shouldn't be buying alcohol for DSs mates

[Thehalls191]

DS is in year 10 so his mates are all 14 and 15.

They've stared having house parties, usually around 30 to 40 kids (not at our house I should add!).

Im happy for DS to go, he's been to a few, he takes a few beers and has never got himself into a mess, he's home before 12.

He's asked DH to buy some alcohol for his mates and they'll give him the money. No spirits, just beer. DH has said yes.

I'm saying a big fat no. It's one thing supplying alcohol to your own DC, another thing entirely to supply it for other people's.

Loving the sporty=no drinking analogy 😁
Wait until they get to uni and join the teams .... the initiation ceremonies! 😮

in an ideal world they wouldn't touch a drop until they were 18

I don't think that is ideal actually. It makes alcohol this banned, mysterious thing and kids can go overboard with it when they hit 18 because they haven't learned responsible drinking.

Like many others on this thread, I would be livid if my child was being supplied with alcohol by an adult. I am not levelling this accusation at your husband, OP, you say he's a good man who made a foolish decision, but if this was happening with my child, grooming is the place my mind would go first. I'm very suspicious of the motives of adults who get involved in supplying intoxicants or other illegal substances to underage kids. Very suspicious.

Edit: to clarify, I think you need your DH to be aware that some parents will draw this conclusion and behave accordingly.

I hate the mentality in this country that teens have to drink and I would be furious if I found out someone was giving my child the opportunity to drink at 14, thats ridiculous, I dont care how many people think its fine, its damaging to their bodies and just reading these threads and seeing how many people think drinking is so essential that it needs to be introduced at a young age just proves the alcohol issues we have.

I am very glad my DD has zero interest in alcohol and doesnt feel the need to drink just because its the done thing because I despair at all these cool parents encouraging and supplying their kids with alcohol at a young age which then pressures their friends.

Unless he has permission from their parents then no way. 14 isn't old enough to be drinking in my opinion, 16 yes but not 14.

This mentality is just odd to me, why not get them started on drugs too, dont want them to go bingeing drugs so why not ease them into it.

Its just bizarre that its felt people have to drink, like its so essential you have to be trained up in it! Then people who dont want to drink get made to feel like they are odd. Shocking idea but alcohol and regular drinking just isnt essential or necessary and not every teenager wants to get wasted just because their parents decide they need training up in drinking.

If you can teach them responsible drinking at 14 then surely you can do the same at 18 or does it need to be done when its young enough to really start messing their bodies up?

Where I live most of the young teens smoke weed already, awful walking through a crowd of them and their cloud of smoke, they are usually going to do something sadly whether it's booze or drugs...

I agree with PP's that your husband should not be buying alcohol for other teens.

Very true.

Good grief, that's a leap. I understand being protective of your DC, it's sad that grooming is the first place your mind goes to though.

Yep. If an adult male is buying intoxicants for my 14 year old, you better believe I don't think they have innocent motives.

I'm a parent of teens and sometimes let them drink but like you OP I think that that is up to me and dh to decide on. I wouldn't appreciate other parents deciding that for me. If those teenagers parents didn't mind them having one or two cans I'm sure they would be buying them themselves.

My mind wouldn't go to grooming though like that other poster, I'd just think they were immature and trying to be down with the kids.

No way would I be jason about that

Yeah, not appropriate at all.

With the parents permission, sure .... I GUESS ...? Still weird but without the parents even knowing? Gross

@livelovelough24 I think too many parents want to be "cool Mum", hence condoning alcohol / sex at a young age

I don't think drinking alcohol is essential at all. I actually don't drink alcohol myself, I'm tea total.

You say your DD has no interest in drinking, that's great however, if her friends did start having house parties, that she was invited to and keen to attend, how would you handle it?

Its easy to be judgemental of other parents when you haven't had to parent a child in that situation yourself.

At the moment, this is a novelty, I have no doubt that in another year they'll all be busy studying for their gcses and after that these house parties will be seen as lame.

I think that's quite sad and I hope that view point doesn't come from your own personal experiences, I'm sorry for you if it does.

There's no need to patronise me, thanks. All I'm saying is that your husband should be aware that not every parent is going to write him off as a sad case trying to impress children by buying them alcohol behind their parent's backs, some parents will know that doing that can be grooming and they will be seriously displeased.

She has been invited to house parties and opted not to go because she doesnt want to be around a bunch of drunk teens. If she wanted to go then at 17 I wouldnt mind but at 14, im sorry but no I wouldnt have her drinking and I dont care how many cool parents think its fine to provide alcohol.

I dont think ive ever seen it as essential to teach kids how to drink alcohol, like I said, if you can teach sensible drinking at 14 then you can also do it at a much more appropriate age! Why we actively encourage kids to drink I will never know but I think on a society level there are major alcohol issues and its hugely damaging.

Can I ask, how old are your DC?

My DD is 17.

I wasn't being patronising, my apologies if it came across that way. I feel genuinely sad if you had personal experience of this.

All the house parties my DD attends, a Tesco order is made to the house and the kids stump up to the parent and given said drink on arrival. Rare for spirits to be ordered usually beer, cider, alcopop style.

I don't know, maybe I'm doing this all wrong. Parenting teens is hard. DS has had the same group of friends, plus a few additional ones along the way, since primary school. I know most of the parents well, they're all decent people, i respect their judgement and parenting plus the way I was parented.

Maybe I've been too quick to follow their lead. Every child is different. This has felt fine for my child. Like I said, he's not getting drunk, I know where he is, I know he's safe. He wants to be social, he wants to spend time with his friends, he wants to go to these parties (and were talking 3 in 6 months so they're not frequent) . A few beers has felt fine to me. It's not illegal. He's doing well in school, he eats healthily, he plays sport and goes to the gym. 12 beers over the space of 6 months doesn't feel like the start of a problem for me.

Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe I should be saying no. I don't know, time will tell.

Its the same issue with sex. He's had a girlfriend for nearly a year, they'll be 16 in September. I've bought him condoms. Im not condoning it but I'd rather know he's safe than saying absolutely not until you're 16.

I also want to add that I'm not trying to be a cool parent. I never have. I'm not a cool person let alone a cool parent! DS certainly doesn't think I am!

😆 are you ready for combat barbie, that's a brave statement to put on here!

I’m glad your DH has decided against it, though I fully agree with your view. I’d much rather buy my teen a few beers and know what they’re having, rather than them sourcing their own booze (because they’ll find it somehow). I always had a little from the age of 14 and it meant I wasn’t fussed when I turned 18 and could go to the clubs. Friends who weren’t allowed to drink until 18 went crazy going to clubs several times a week.

But yeah, that’s a choice for you to make for your teen. Making that choice for other peoples teens is wrong and could get you into a lot of trouble.