For thinking DH shouldn't be buying alcohol for DSs mates

[Thehalls191]

DS is in year 10 so his mates are all 14 and 15.

They've stared having house parties, usually around 30 to 40 kids (not at our house I should add!).

Im happy for DS to go, he's been to a few, he takes a few beers and has never got himself into a mess, he's home before 12.

He's asked DH to buy some alcohol for his mates and they'll give him the money. No spirits, just beer. DH has said yes.

I'm saying a big fat no. It's one thing supplying alcohol to your own DC, another thing entirely to supply it for other people's.

I let DD have a few cans to take to parties at 15. If I hadn't bought them myself for her, it would be because I wasn't OK with her having alcohol.

If I found out someone else's parent had bought booze for her, I'd be really angry about it and I'd be in touch with you about it.

It's a bad idea and you are correct...your husband should not do this.

Yep it’s proxy selling, he’d be risking a big fine and a criminal record.

Surely half the fun of these parties is figuring out ways to get your hands on booze? Parents really shouldn't be facilitating and certainly not making choices for other parents'. I think it's the parents' job to act mildly disapproving while giving advice about how to stay safe. In later years everyone can have a laugh at how hard it was to pretend they'd never done the same but right now it's important they know there are dangers involved.

At 16 ds and his mates snuck off to the woods.. Someone had brought alcohol.. One lad had a seizure.. Most ran off. Ds rang me in a panic and then rang 999...Will someone be watching the under age kids all night op?

Absolutely not. I'm quite permissive in some respects and happy for my DCs to drink sensible amounts from about 14/15. They've been to parties and I've given them a bit to take, but when asked for extras for friends they got a stern lecture on how although I am making that choice for my own child, I am absolutely not doing so for others as it is not my place and would be illegal as well as unethical.
When friends/girlfriends have been round and they've wanted to have a few drinks, I insisted on speaking to the parents to make sure they were ok with it

The only time one of mine got really (far too) drunk was a sleepover where the older sister had bought them a bottle of vodka, to go on top of the sensible and lower alcohol drinks the parents had sent them with. I wasn't happy about that, though he did learn a valuable lesson!

14?! I’d report your DH to the police. It’s not his place to decide on when other people’s children should access alcohol.

Just on this point, because they OP got the correct answer.

D is 13 and has already had several rants chats with me about how things can go wrong. Every time she's at, "I wouldn't take drugs" because` she's a nerdy type, I open my mouth, take a breath and she parrots, "but if I do I can always call you and you will come and sort erroneous out, make it safe not argue with me".

It's so important to go over the points of being a friend. No one left alone, watch each others' drinks, what to do if someone gets messy, who to call if someone is in danger, which parents are equipped to deal with nonsense. Drum it into them. And get them first aid trained ASAP.

At least 3 of my other dc have rang me when they have found themselves in awful situations.. Vital to be on the end of your phone... I ds was there when a dm was assaulting her ds.. Same situation with teen dd's... I ds found himself at a house party where the dps were pissed and he wanted to come home. Party for primary school age dc..ds used their house phone. Back in The Day!

Everyone remembers being 14 don't they? A few beers is fine.

At least their not in a field with a bottle of vodka like we all were in the late 90s/00s.

He absolutely should not be supplying alcohol to children and I personally wouldn't buy it for my own 14/15 year old either.

They're in a house with parents present and I know the address. I'd rather that than them sneaking off to some woods. Neither ideal, in an ideal world they wouldn't touch a drop until they were 18 but we all know that most teens experiment before then. My thinking is I know where he is, I know what time we're collecting him, I know the alcohol he's drinking.

We were all young once and drank before we were of age, so I understand and accept that the kids would be experimenting. However, I think that my job as a parent is to stand the ground and to be on the side of the law. Unfortunately, I know many, many parents who do this, supply alcohol to their own children, host parties where they supply alcohol to other children as well etc. I too agree that this is a criminal behaviour and should be dealt with as such. I just wonder what else these people supply for their under-aged kids and friends? Do they buy them drugs too? Also, how do they explain the fact that they are breaking the law? How do they justify it?

Btw 14 and 15 is really young.

I have a 15 year old and I’d be very angry if one of her friends parents were supplying alcohol especially without asking me first but then I don’t agree with 15 year olds drinking. The reason he’s probably been asked is because their own parents do not want them to have it.

No we absolutely do not supply our DC or anyone else's with drugs. Drugs are illegal, full stop. Never touched them. You said yourself we were all young once and drank before we were of age so surely you can understand that there's a difference between that and doing drugs.

A lot of how we parent is based on our own childhood experiences. I had a lovely childhood, with wonderful parents. By year 10, I was going to parties with friends, having a few reefs, getting giggly. I got straight As in my gcses, went on to do a levels and a degree. Didn't loose my shit at uni. Never touched drugs. I understood the difference between alcohol and drugs.

@Thehalls191 yes, I agree that most of us drank when we were young too, but that does not mean we should have. I know a lot of kids who were into stealing as well. Kids would be kids, right? Where I live right now, marijuana is legal, before you know it, it will be legal in your country too. What I am trying to say, alcohol IS illegal for the underage children. Allowing them to drink you are basically telling them that it is sometimes ok to break the law, right, not to mention that drinking is dangerous for young kids. When you are teaching your kids to drive, do you tell them to follow the rules, or do you tell them it is ok to speed because most of us do it anyway?

I am just saying that as a parent you should give an example of how things should be, teach them right and wrong and teach by example.

I do understand what you're saying but for me personally, I think it's unrealistic to expect DS not to drink alcohol until he's 18, I don't know anyone who actually waited until their 18th birthday. Maybe that's just the area I grew up in.

I would rather buy him a few beers myself to take with him than him drinking god knows what other kids have pinched out of their parents drinks cupboards.

We've had no problems at all so far. He's been to 3 parties, hasn't got drunk at any of them, hasn't been sick or had a hangover. I feel like a gradual introduction to it like this is better than us saying 'you are absolutely not to drink until you're 18'. I think that's when kids start lying, being sneaky, saying they're going to sleep at a friend's house when they're actually going somewhere else.

This is how I was parented and it worked for me. I know the difference between right and wrong, I'm not out there driving wrecklessly, doing drugs, killing people.

I should probably also mention that it's not illegal for a 15 year old to drink alcohol at home under supervision of a parent/guardian. I know the house he's drinking in and I know the family so it is a bit of a grey area unlike the laws re.drugs/driving etc

It’s not illegal for a child over 5 to drink alcohol on private premises as well as at home so it’s not actually a grey area for your DS to drink there.

They are underage but If your husband doesn’t buy it they will still be able to get it from a corner shop , probably overpriced and could be a mix of anything . I’d rather know they were having something ‘proper’ , and you’ll know how much they’re having

He's an idiot. Also parents will be told in time and his reputation damaged.

This is why this fucking country has a problem with alcohol. Just because "you tried it as a teen" or "teens will just go and get it from somewhere else" doesn't give you the authority to supply someone else's child with alcohol.

I would be fucking livid and like a PP I would be tempted to call the police. Change the narrative around teenage drinking.

My kids are only little and I don't think there's really a right or wrong answer with this stuff and I understand your point of view. But the previous PP is right that there is a lot of research easily findable via Google about the harms of underage drinking and that people who drink underage are significantly more likely to end up with problem drinking habits as adults than people who did not drink underage. I'm obviously not saying everyone who drank underage develops alcohol problems - but statistically it is more likely that why. As a parent I use evidence based research to inform my approaches towards my children as I want to give them as much advantage as I can. Statistically, in terms of the likelihood of developing problem drinking, it's a disadvantage, on a population level, to access alcohol underage.

I did not drink until I was 18, had a great time then and never had any issues with alcohol, was never a regular drinker. Now at 30 I drink very rarely. I also was not allowed sleepovers until I was in sixth-form either so there was a very limited period of time before I was 18 in which I could have said I was staying elsewhere and actually going somewhere else (and I didn't). Until then, my DF or a friend's parent would pick me up from parties so they always knew where we were and saw us at the end of it. We tended to be home before midnight. This was strict but unheard of as some of my friends had parents with similar approaches. Further to that, I was one of the older children in the school year, so hardly anybody else had ID before me anyway so I was very popular when I hit 18! I basically enabled my friendship group to start going to clubs and things tbh, haha. We were a pretty sensible bunch on the whole tbh though.

I hope I can protect my own children as well as my DPs protected me and my siblings.

I don’t allow my Y10 to drink and neither he or his mates have shown any interest at all in it (yet). I’d also be apoplectic with rage if I found out another parent was condoning underage drinking. They are still very young for it just yet.

He's desperate to be the cool dad isn't he? If I found out your twat of a DH in a desperate attempt to cling on to any semblance of youth was buying my kid alcohol I'd have a few words to say to him. My FIL had has just died of alcohol related disease. I don't need anyone encouraging my teens to drink. Some of those kids your DH is buying alcohol for are the alcoholics of the future.

Indeed... Smashed on pilfered whisky on muddy farmland. Surely that still goes on though? My first illicit drink was was at a barn dance when my friend won a bottle of Lambrusco at the tombola. We were 9! 🤣😯😱