To ask family member to pay for money they owe me for a meal?

[Supernova23]

I don’t get on well with this particular relative, they are very challenging and quite toxic. On a family holiday we had all run out of cash as it was the last day, so I offered to put it on my card and said they could transfer me the money afterwards. It’s been three days now and no money from them. How do I approach someone I don’t really get on with and ask for the money they owe me? Everyone walks around on tenterhooks around this person not just me.

edit: since seen your further comments… I’d still set up the group and say the same. Then say ‘I’m aware you paid a taxi Aunt X, so if I deduct my share then your share of the mean is only £X.’

it calls her out and gives others the opportunity to offer their share of the taxi if she feels out of pocket.

if people jump in and say ‘oh I didn’t pay for the taxi’, and your aunt has continued to ignore you could reply ‘oh she owes me for meal so if you send me the taxi money, you’re both even’

Set up a group message and say ‘brilliant holiday everyone, missing you all already! Just sending my bank details over for those that need them for the meal on Friday. Hope your first back is easy on you’

Honestly I’d leave it and not see this person again (and certainly not pay for anything for her) but then maybe I’m in a financial situation where I could pay for someone’s meal without it being an issue. I get others might feel differently.

Well it’s all kicked off and I’ve ended up blocking her and obviously won’t be seeing her again (no loss).

She sent a really rude message back saying she’d paid for a taxi (which I didn’t ask her to) and therefore I owed her. I paid for multiple drinks for her which definitely amounted to more than a taxi. Anyway she called me all sorts, selfish, how tight I was, how unkind I was, and then called me an alcoholic. All because I asked her to pay for her meal LOL.

Oh well! Best off away from her!

Make sure you save the messages. I'd expect her to now start badmouthing you to all the family. It sounds like they know what she's like anyway, but make sure you keep the evidence just in case.

I'd be tempted to "accidentally" forward her messages to the family chat.

Sometimes you have to consider the financial loss worthwhile to have these people out of life!
Don’t pay again in future… who doesn’t have a back up payment method for a holiday?? She’s pulled a fast one! I’d be sure to tell everyone too!!

This 💯

🙄

Put them all in the family chat and detail every penny you spent on her - drinks/meal etc

Then end with the sentence "I am only asking you to reimburse me £ for the meal as you said you would. There's no need to reimburse me £** for the other monies I spent on you "

What a vile so called aunt, it may not seem like it but these things are a blessing in disguise. Now you can see her true colours, and don’t have to tolerate her nasty behaviour anymore!

This - I was coming on to suggest putting something on the family chat. If arsy relative isn't in the family chat, set up a new chat for the purposes of getting your owed money back.
If arsy relative doesn't pay, would it be worth suggesting that you would be left with no alternative but to take them to the Small Claims Court to get your money back?
Do you have it in a text that everyone agreed that you were paying for the last meal and they would repay you?

Another way to look at it is that for the cost of the meal, you've really got to grips with how tightfisted this particular relative is and they have burned any and all remaining bridges to your generosity? You will not cover any further costs/whatever for them...ever! If you're ever on holiday with them again, you say to the management "Take X's charges off my bill. They are paying for themselves".

Having seen your update - definitely send her message and reply to it on the family group chat. I'd point out that the drinks that were purchased for her more than covered the cost of the taxi she so generously stepped up to pay for and you're still waiting on the money for the dinner that she and everyone else agreed to put on your card as a temporary measure.
Is she your aunt on your mum or dad's side? Not that it's important but they should be made aware what their sibling is up to and put a stop to that behaviour as their sibling!

Why did you all go out for a meal when you couldn’t afford it?

Personally, if I'm not short on cash, I'd let this one go. Can't bear squabbles over money.

It sounds like everyone in the family is short on cash, and this obviously mattered to the OP because she needs it.

Why? That's just shit stirring

Tell her you will pay for your share of the taxi and you want her to pay her share of the meal.

Unfortunately, I think it's to be expected on a family holiday that someone might pay for one thing, another something else and so on. If this isn't an arrangement you're comfortable with, then maybe avoid family holidays going forward.

Otherwise THIS is what happens... She says in response that she paid for a taxi - now you're splitting hairs over how many 'drinks' this taxi was worth!?

Seriously, you need to just let it go...

Wow, are people really this petty?

Of course we could afford it. We were in the USA and like most travellers use cash to cover bills. When I say ran out of money I mean cash. It was the last few hours before we flew back.

So you just pay and let that be the end of it?

Why should I pay for a relative I don’t even like to eat for free, when everyone else paid as we agreed? It’s basic manners.

I was paying for another relative for a good chunk of the trip (pre arranged). She was aware of this. Not having her freeload off me.

Why? Because it's just the easiest way to move on. Not sure why, if you despise her this much, you went on holiday together in the first place. You need to channel Elsa and 'Let it go...'

Or, alternatively, don't and just keep arguing with this relative. I couldn't be arsed with all that personally.

3 days? I'm wondering how they didn't have money then, but such a short time later they do? Was a time frame mentioned when this deal was done?