To ask family member to pay for money they owe me for a meal?

[Supernova23]

I don’t get on well with this particular relative, they are very challenging and quite toxic. On a family holiday we had all run out of cash as it was the last day, so I offered to put it on my card and said they could transfer me the money afterwards. It’s been three days now and no money from them. How do I approach someone I don’t really get on with and ask for the money they owe me? Everyone walks around on tenterhooks around this person not just me.

How much do you need the money op?

Not sure this is relevant? I always need money though - who doesn’t?

It is relevant. Can you write the money off or will you starve for the rest of the month? If you don't need it, I'd say write it off and remember for next time or go no contact. If not getting the money is going to screw you over financially then you will need a new tactic to get it back.

Do you have a family group chat to shame her on?
Make sure to never have anything to do with the woman again.

Did you post in the group chat, publicly seems to work well

Just send a friendly message saying fantastic holiday or whatever pleasantries and by the way here's my bank details for you to transfer x amount, thanku very much!!

Why is it ' with the greatest regret' tho?

Well, that's the last time you go on holiday or do any favour for your aunt, isn't it? She is absolutely taking the piss if you have offered to adjust her owed share of the meal by your share for the taxi.

Put it on the family chat for all to see.

Tell her she's putting you in a difficult position financially for not reimbursing you for what she wanted in spite of promising to pay you back.

I would put on the family chat..
"Hi aunt cf, posting here as my messages don't appear to be getting through. Please send your share of the meal over as I'm out of pocket. Although I didn't ask for you to pay my share of the cab, please knock off my portion of the fare from your meal that I paid "
"Thanks everyone else for paying so quickly, I really appreciate it. Lovely meal every one, I really enjoyed it."

I would definitely do this. Let them see what she is.

How much was the taxi? Who was in the taxi.

I would take the taxi value and divide by the number of passengers to establish your share and subtract from the cost of her meal - then send her that calculation.

Which parent is she a sibling of? Can they talk to her?

Lol hopefully this one's a joke. A simple, hey think you forgot to transfer to me, let me know when you have: thanks. Will do

Just text and ask for it and give bank details, people shouldn't have to rip tow round someone like that and a text is less confrontational. Why should they not pay for themselves.

So she’s a family member, This sometimes means thinking about her needs too. I don’t know about your financial situation. She might be struggling more than you think. Is she struggling financially, emotionally (she might be pretty isolated if she finds relationships within the family hard). Are you able to do without the £? Can you let it go? In families sometimes things aren’t fully equal financially but you all need to respect each other as equals otherwise there is more pain than necessary - it’s not all about what we ‘achieve’ in life. Is it worth escalating this (if you are struggling financially then of course this is reasonable but if the next pay check will easily swallow the deficit, could de-escalate it by being generous?

Just move on. Life is too short and you’re not going to win this one. Don’t pay in future.

Hi X.

I realised I haven’t sent my bank details through for the meal yet. If you can transfer me £x this week that would be great.

cheers!

Set up a group text with all trip people including aunt
'Hi everyone hope we all had a great holiday. There's just a couple of money issues to sort out. Aunt requires £x shared between all those in the taxi on x evening. If you can sort that quickly that would be great as she's unable to repay me for her last meal until people have done this. Aunt your bill is £x for the last meal, please pay as soon as possible thanks everyone for your help sorting this, I know money is as tight for everyone atm'

Publicly shame her into it.

I think I’d be inclined to let it go and chalk it up to experience. If you are ever in that situation again just say ‘ I would offer to pay but I didn’t get it back last time’.

Also I think I’d think seriously about going on holiday with people who can’t budget their spending money.

Honestly, unless you're going to starve I'd leave it and go NC. It's a cheap price to get rid of such toxicity, especially when she's told you you're not getting a penny already.

The taxi was x, we were x people in it, my share was x., so
You owe me X.
Thank you for transferring

I would either

a) leave it. Be the bigger person and just suck it up but never do it again. Or

b) send a text (either directly to her or in a group chat) saying "Just reminding you still owe me X amount of money for the meal, less the taxi which you kindly paid for. If you are struggling for cash then just let me know and I won't ask again 😀"

It would depend on what mood I was in as to what route I took😂

How much was the meal and how much was your share in the taxi ?

Just say my share of the taxi was x, your share of the meal was y, so please transfer the difference which is z

And if she doesn't, refuse to go on holiday with her again