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Original poster

To ask family member to pay for money they owe me for a meal?

155 replies

Supernova23 · 10/04/2024 17:15

I don’t get on well with this particular relative, they are very challenging and quite toxic. On a family holiday we had all run out of cash as it was the last day, so I offered to put it on my card and said they could transfer me the money afterwards. It’s been three days now and no money from them. How do I approach someone I don’t really get on with and ask for the money they owe me? Everyone walks around on tenterhooks around this person not just me.

OP posts:
SmudgeButt · 13/04/2024 13:52

You could be a bit passive aggressive about it in the future and laughingly say "oh don't pay for "cheapwad" you'll never get your money back!! I'm still waiting for what she owes from 18 years back!"

Silvers11 · 13/04/2024 13:59

QueenMegan · 13/04/2024 11:14

Sure I will contribute my share of taxi ride thanks so much. Remaining amount owed is xxx
Cheers sorry to have to ask.😀
X

Lol.

Yes @Supernova23 This one is a good follow up reply!

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/04/2024 14:00

Supernova23 · 12/04/2024 20:33

She’s refusing to pay for the meal now as she paid for a taxi at one point on the trip. I didn’t ask for her to pay for the taxi and the meal cost a lot more than the taxi.

Pursue it.

Tell her to deduct half the taxi cost from what she owes you and send you the rest.

And resolve that you will never do any favours for this family member ever again. If a similar situation ever arose, refuse to pay for her and tell her to go to the autobank. (Easier said than done I know, when you've been 'trained' to tiptoe round her. First time pushing back is the hardest, next is easier etc.)

AlwaysNonStop · 13/04/2024 14:09

Hi, hope you’ve recovered from the holiday lol. Just wondering if you could transfer the £x for the meal? I stuck it on my credit card and I’m hoping to pay it off before they start charging interest. Thanks x

Daffodilsandtuplips · 13/04/2024 15:53

QueenMegan · 13/04/2024 11:14

Sure I will contribute my share of taxi ride thanks so much. Remaining amount owed is xxx
Cheers sorry to have to ask.😀
X

Lol.

This but without the “Sorry to have to ask”. Don’t go all flowery and apologetic for asking to be repaid, No need to explain why you want it repaid, she owes you and you want it back, it’s as simple as that.
Send it on the Group chat.

coldcallerbaiter · 13/04/2024 15:57

What family member? Unless it is mother, sister or daughter, then never see them again, tell everyone why.

WhatFlavourIsIt · 13/04/2024 15:57

I would just save myself the hassle and let it go.

Original poster
Supernova23 · 13/04/2024 16:01

coldcallerbaiter · 13/04/2024 15:57

What family member? Unless it is mother, sister or daughter, then never see them again, tell everyone why.

Aunt

OP posts:
coldcallerbaiter · 13/04/2024 16:06

Aunt - drop her

Therealjudgejudy · 13/04/2024 16:06

Deduct your share of the taxi and message back what she owes you. On a group chat...

Bluewater1 · 13/04/2024 16:10

Supernova23 · 13/04/2024 16:01

Aunt

Show quote history

Try one more message to get your owed money back (minus the taxi fare if you want although it doesn't sound like you agreed.to that) then go low or no contact. Bye bye Auntie Toxic!!

BodyKeepingScore · 13/04/2024 16:14

Simple message saying "no worries, the amount you owe after deduction for my part of the taxi is £x. Here are my bank details". Job done.

Dryweather · 13/04/2024 16:44

Supernova23 · 12/04/2024 20:33

She’s refusing to pay for the meal now as she paid for a taxi at one point on the trip. I didn’t ask for her to pay for the taxi and the meal cost a lot more than the taxi.

What's been said?
Did you ask and she said no?

HotChocolateNotCocoa · 13/04/2024 16:47

Use the fact that you don’t get on particularly well to your advantage. You can push for the money without worrying about damaging an otherwise good relationship.

And don’t go on holiday with her again. Life’s too short to waste holidays in this way.

HotChocolateNotCocoa · 13/04/2024 16:48

Sounds like you all went on a holiday which none of you could afford.

Eh? What makes you think OP couldn’t afford it?

MaggieFS · 13/04/2024 16:49

CF. Reply with "fair point about the taxi; my share would be £x so take that off what you owe me for dinner and please transfer £y to [bank details].

Cherrysoup · 13/04/2024 16:49

Ask her for the difference given the meal was more expensive. Lesson learnt for any future times, although why you’d want to holiday with such a horror is beyond me.

HuminaHuminaHumina · 13/04/2024 16:52

Supernova23 · 12/04/2024 20:33

She’s refusing to pay for the meal now as she paid for a taxi at one point on the trip. I didn’t ask for her to pay for the taxi and the meal cost a lot more than the taxi.

But did you offer any money for your ride?

wplaf · 13/04/2024 16:52

Supernova23 · 12/04/2024 20:33

She’s refusing to pay for the meal now as she paid for a taxi at one point on the trip. I didn’t ask for her to pay for the taxi and the meal cost a lot more than the taxi.

I would just say that she needs to pay for her meal because you lent her this money and she agreed to pay it back.

If she still doesn't pay, then don't see her again or allow her on family holidays. She sounds like a difficult shitbag. Never in a million years would I do this to either of my nieces.

Ooral · 13/04/2024 17:05

EVHead · 10/04/2024 17:17

What are the consequences of reminding them? (Given that the consequence of not reminding them is that you’re out of pocket!)

Exactly this, ask/remind - if toxic BS arises, cut them off. No need to have any dealings when you get nothing but anxiety dealing with this person.

Nosygirl01 · 13/04/2024 18:12

Was the taxi just you and her?

Copperoliverbear · 13/04/2024 18:19

Text them, they behave it that manor because it allows them to get away with things.
Put your foot down and dont allow them to walk over you, so what is they challenging, you challenge them back.

Ohnobackagain · 13/04/2024 18:26

@Supernova23 just message them ‘gentle reminder you owe me £xyz for the meal. Please paypal me/pingit me/transfer xyz (insert method/details), thanks a lot’
Ignore this missed your update and delete isn’t working - arrgh

SunshineAndFizz · 13/04/2024 18:27

Supernova23 · 12/04/2024 20:33

She’s refusing to pay for the meal now as she paid for a taxi at one point on the trip. I didn’t ask for her to pay for the taxi and the meal cost a lot more than the taxi.

Well just reply and say something like, 'oh yes thanks for paying £10 for that taxi, I'll take that off the meal amount so it's just £20 you own me now. Thanks'

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 13/04/2024 18:29

Group chat: “OK, we didn’t clarify at the time that the taxi was a shared cost, but never mind, happy to deduct my share (fare / number of passengers) from the cost of the meal (which was clarified as a loan at the time) and for you to transfer £xxxx and happy to call it quits, thank you Xxxx P.S could you transfer the money before Tuesday so that I don’t go into overdraft. X