Should I let ex DH claim child benefit?

[Pinacoladaqueen]

Me and DH are going through a nasty divorce I have been the “breadwinner” for the past 2 years and he works part time hours.

I have purchased my own home and I am moving in on Saturday and he is due to become homeless. Unless he stays with me for a little bit (which I do not want) he is refusing to rent privately.

The housing officer has said you can’t apply for housing for you and the children unless you claim child benefit.

Im concerned that if I allow him to claim it I won’t see any of the money again and will loose this access.

AIBU to not let him claim for it?

Maybe you should read my initial post

If the wife had a history of violence and the divorce was nasty. You bet I’d tell him to look out for himself and put himself and his kids first rather than worrying about the other adults living arrangements.

we also know he worked part time, but that could have been another facet of financial abuse, keeping her as the breadwinner and happily living off her money. So

Nobody said he was violent.

You also don't know that op didn't ask him to work part time to look after the kids while she pursued her career.

It may well be that op is financially abusive, which seems pretty likely considering she has a new house to move into and he is on the verge of homelessness.

She is also controlling the benefits, and wants a 50/50 split, so why is she deciding the benefit situation when she's happy for 50/50 split of the kids time.

I could be totally wrong, of course, as op did drip feed the abuse, but even by ops posts it seems that she is also financially abusive tbh.

If it was on Mumsnet all of you would be in favour of her!

Do you want your kids to have a homeless dad.

if so ☠️

Chances are if you were a man you would pay spousal maintenance

Because he’s not abusive (everyone who gets divorced accuses each over of that - the court will find who is lying)or she prioritises material goods over the kids

Well I'm not going to accused op of lying about abuse, however I do think it's very strange that she wants to split the kids time 50/50 with an abusive man, and also keep him homeless so the kods have nowhere to go with him, and also be the breadwinner and also keep all the benefit money.

OP, no one can give you fair advice when you won’t tell us if he was part time because of childcare. The fact that you haven’t answered this makes me think it is the case, and seeing as you don’t seem to have any objections to him continuing to be the main parent, then yes, he should get the CB. If the abuse is irrelevant in him sharing custody, then it’s also irrelevant in terms of child benefit. I’m not trying to be cruel, I’m glad you’ve found a way out, but CB really isn’t the hill to die on, especially if he will continue to provide most of the care.

Seriously, unless you were there and know it for a fact, that’s a fucking awful thing to say. You literally have no idea, and most the time courts have no idea either, hence rape being basically legal.

I do have an idea

because she is letting her husband have the kids 50/50

i wouldn’t let your kids spend time with an abuser and rapist. - neither would you and neither would OP

Right, well this guy isn’t a rapist so let’s not start with the dog whistle stuff. This guy is the main parent. He stays home and does part time hours to facilitate her career. He has now been made homeless because OP seems to have taken most of the assets or is simply in a better position for a mortgage due to working full time. He has said that he still wants to continue doing the childcare but as he will have to work full time, she will need to do 50% so they’re moving to 50-50. This guy is absolutely entitled to the child benefit and actually should have been claiming it the whole time to protect his pension.

You don’t owe him jack shit. Guilt is a weapon used very well by abusers. If he’s flakey or will try to use the kids against you… you already know he will. The LA ( local authority will definitely house him in atleast in a b and b). He’s trying to have one over on you.

If it's 50/50 why should op get the child benefit?

Especially when claiming it would allow him to get a home for him and the kids he will have 50/50.

Sounds more like op is trying to get one over on him, financially, at least.

@Floppyelf

Whenever a woman goes part time to take care of children so her husband can be the breadwinner, posters on here will repeatedly say that he owes his career and earning power to her for making that sacrifice. Now, the OP hasn’t explicitly said that he went part time to do the bulk of the childcare but it seems very much implied that he did. So… I would say she does owe him.

FINALLY SOMEBODY SAYS THIS!!

Warship your one of the only fair and unbiased people on this platform!

Dog Whistle? Do you even know what that means?!

Look I agree that I wouldn’t willingly hand over my kids to an abusive father 50% of the time, but to say that means she’s lying about abuse is fucking disgusting. That is the issue I have here, if you care to read my other post that says he SHOULD get the CB, you’d see that and wouldn’t have wasted your time writing this reply. And one last thing, please do point to where Op confirms he is part time in order to provide childcare? Whilst I agree it’s likely, it is NOT a fact as you have suggested.

Why aren’t you paying spousal maintenance?

He was a SAHD so his future career was fucked

It is because the kids will spend 50% of the time with him.

half of the money is his

Where does OP confirm that?

He's going to be homeless because he won't rent privately, not because of the child benefit money or because you won't let him stay with you!!!

I feel pretty strongly about this. I was in a very similar situation, apart from I am a mum and lost so very much financially. My ex-husband wasn't physically abusive so courts decided 50/50 shared care and ignored the many years of coercive control.
I mean, I suppose on reflection it wasn't that bad; he only took my purse out of my bag if I didn't wash up and I suppose it was OK to lock me out of the house if I failed to meet my 10pm curfew. And sleeping on the floor I got used to after a while.

Everywhere

Don’t talk shit. She’s not said he provides childcare. Yes, he probably does, but as I said above, we don’t know it for a fact. First you say she’s lying about being abused, and then you lie about pretending to know he provides childcare when in reality, just have the same information as the rest of us.