Should I let ex DH claim child benefit?

[Pinacoladaqueen]

Me and DH are going through a nasty divorce I have been the “breadwinner” for the past 2 years and he works part time hours.

I have purchased my own home and I am moving in on Saturday and he is due to become homeless. Unless he stays with me for a little bit (which I do not want) he is refusing to rent privately.

The housing officer has said you can’t apply for housing for you and the children unless you claim child benefit.

Im concerned that if I allow him to claim it I won’t see any of the money again and will loose this access.

AIBU to not let him claim for it?

I have read it. I have also read that OP has agreed to allow 50:50 custody of her children with him....

From what you've posted It sounds like he's doing it because he's wanting to be given priority housing status, ie being given emergency/temporary accommodation for being homeless, and then eligibility for a 2 bed or more council social housing property.

He won't get either of those things if he's a single male without any other major reason (eg sig health issues) he'll have been told to rent privately. Hence him coming to you about the CB.

What he probably doesn't realise is that even if he did claim the CB he'd been in the same 'priority' position as thousands of other people, waiting an extremely long time for stable housing. And you may find yourself reconsidering 50/50 if he's stuck in temporary accommodation - few families would opt to have their children there if they had any choice.

It also sounds like he wants the CB because he currently looks after the children more than she does. He is part time to allow her to work full time, and he is the primary carer. When she moves, they are going 50/50.

He is absolutely entitled to make a counter claim.

Yes, there is abuse but since OP isn’t fighting to keep the kids away from him, that’s not going to come into it. He is the primary carer atm. They are moving to 50/50. If sexes were reversed, no one would be telling OP to keep the child benefit. They’d all be saying to transfer the claim and calling OP all sorts of names. But because OP is a woman; everyone is telling her to keep the CB.

If you have more than one child you could let him get child benefit for one of them
otherwise no

Fuxake keep up. My post was before we knew he was abusive. I have posted twice since finding out DV was involved and my advice has been different.

@WarshipRocinante I'm aware of the risk of gender assumptions. My post was based on the fact that he has said he won't consider private rent and that the advice about CB came from the housing officer. If he's primary carer then yes he should be claiming the child related benefits, he may have a shock when it comes to housing though. Housing officers don't care if you 'refuse' to private rent.

He's going to have to be able to claim for at least one of the children to even attempt to get on the housing list. So if you really want him to have the kids 50/50 to facilitate you still working then you're going to have to let him claim for one. It's only fair in reality.

I know you have to work but I’d never want my kids going to a violent man. If he’s homeless he can’t have them which could be a big advantage. How old are the children? And are you safe?

Op, if he is abusive why are you going 50/50 with him?

Especially after you move out and he is homeless, he is going to have a real bee in his bonnet about it and take it out on the kids.

If he was doing the bulk of childcare previously to this then what's happening now?

Take the abuse out of the situation and, financially, it sounds like he was largely a SAHP, and has been utterly screwed over in the finances of the separation, is now asking for CB to secure accommodation and is getting told no.

I was with an abusive man and fought tooth and nail to make sure my kids were protected from him, no way would I have considered 50/50,so I can't get my head around him being abusive enough to deny him CB to secure a home (which is also for your dc) but not abusive enough that you want to protect your dc.

How old are your children?

Has he been doing a lot of the childcare for the past two years?

Do you think he might go to court and try to argue he should be the resident parent?

Also, if you're married, won't he will have a claim on the house you've bought?

The reality in my experience is this... unless abuse is physical so can be proved in court then father can apply for 50/50 and will likely get it.
I was coercively controlled for many, many years. It was irrelevant in court as I couldn't "evidence" it; I'd only lived it.

Doesn't sound like he is in a position to do 50/50 if he has nowhere to live. Doesn't stop him seeing the DC, they just can't stay over with him at the moment.
Shouldn't he be getting a full time job, finding somewhere to live and then you move to 50/50 or am I just being thick?
Also not sure how you can buy somewhere and he be homeless, surely if you have savings to enable this they were in the joint financial pot?(unless you have been awarded them by court)

You do everything you need to to put yourself and your kids first in this situation. His lack of housing is not your problem to sort out. You often find in a shitty relationship that you are sorting out all their problems and bailing them out- it is habit forming and you are trying to do the same now. Don’t.

Use your solicitor, stay strong and protect yourself.

Jesus, did you hear this with your own ears?

He's planning on stiffing you OP. If he wasn't a prick then it's easier to come to a mutual thing for the benefit of the kids. This one sounds like he would enjoy getting his last licks.

If you're going through a divorce surely he will have money.
If you have enough to buy a house where is his money from the shared assets of having been married?

Is that what you would say to a man who was leaving his wife? If she was without a home because she worked part time in order to be the main carer of their children. You would say it isn’t his problem, take the kids and keep the benefits?

@FlippyFloppyShoe He has every right to be adequately housed if he has children, just as a mother does. Children do not belong to the mother alone.

@WarshipRocinante

But op hasn't told us why he works part time, it may have nothing to do with childcare.

@Sooooootired01 not sure where I said that he didn't?

If it was mum working pt and dad working ft, the responses on here would be so different.

@Sooooootired01 my response has got nothing to do with who has them or not. Facts are for whatever reason one parent has a house and the other is homeless...so you tell me how 50/50 works here?

@FlippyFloppyShoe Unfair if he can't have his kids due to financial difficulties. Would you honestly say the same to a mother?

@FlippyFloppyShoe Shouldn't be the case upon divorce that one parent has a home but the other suddenly doesn't.

@Sooooootired01 yes if the mother was homeless and the father had a house (I'm not agreeing that this is fair, but that would be down to the courts)
Would you rather children slept in a house or homeless? I'd pick a house