Should I let ex DH claim child benefit?

[Pinacoladaqueen]

Me and DH are going through a nasty divorce I have been the “breadwinner” for the past 2 years and he works part time hours.

I have purchased my own home and I am moving in on Saturday and he is due to become homeless. Unless he stays with me for a little bit (which I do not want) he is refusing to rent privately.

The housing officer has said you can’t apply for housing for you and the children unless you claim child benefit.

Im concerned that if I allow him to claim it I won’t see any of the money again and will loose this access.

AIBU to not let him claim for it?

@Pinacoladaqueen I have only read yoir posts.

You are basically leaving due to DV. So do not let him stay with you for a short while... no way that's tje point of you leaving and getting your own place.

Hes refusing to rent privately he's making himself homeless by doing that . He's blaming you for making him homless. Ge has caused that not you . He is gas lighting you which is also a DV thing.

Do not let him claim child benefit. As others say that will stop anything else child related. He can also then play games and control you and the children keep the children longer than agreed etc. . He's just using the children to get social housing.

Yes I agree that's perfectly possible, especially if that's what the couple decide. But I have seen situations where its worked the other way.

His housing situation is not your problem. Don't let him claim.

Stay strong in the next couple of days then make sure you set very clear boundaries about how you communicate and contact e.g. an email address purely for to discuss DC so you have a written audit trail. don't let him set foot in your new home.

How can he look after them if he has nowhere to live. I suspect he thinks if he says he wants them ft that the council will give him suitable accommodation. If this happened I think he would immediately say he had had enough of being daddy and put them back in your care and he would continue to live in the house from the council.

Sorry if I am missing something obvious, but you say children …plural … so surely the obvious answer is that he claims for one and you claim for one.

And if he has been working part time for child care reasons, and will spend the money on the kids, then that is really the right thing to do.

Were you renting when you lived together, OP?

Does he work part time to look after the kids to facilitate your breadwinning career? Then yes he should have the kids/child benefit as if this was the other way around the answers would be very, very different

Just seen your updates about abuse and I’m really sorry you and the DC have been through this. Your only priority now is to create a stable, safe and happy home for you all.

I expect him refusing to rent privately is so he can play the victim. Well, cry him a fucking river and let him get on with it.

Stay strong and don’t let him move with you. Once he’s in you won’t get him out. He knows he’s losing control and this is a desperate attempt to maintain whatever still passes for power in this situation.

Keep hold of the CB too. This will also be used to try and make your life hell if he has it.

I don’t know how old your children are and how much they know, but if they are at all aware, they will support you. These men are shits and their children know it.

But why have you got all the money from the house?

@Pinacoladaqueen is your ex getting any money from the house? If he us he nay have to much much money to apply for social housing anyway.

Also even if he does not have money and he applies for social housing. They will look into why he is homeless and decide if he's intentionly homeless if he is they won't help.

If council decided they do own a duty they could offer him private rent anyway and he's not allowed to refuse. Also he is likely to end up in temporary accommodation/ ie a b&b hostel etc. Depending on the area could be years till he gets housed.

@Radicat I wonder if they were renting?

Will there be anyone with you when you move, such as professional movers or friends to help?

As somebody mentioned earlier, this could be a tricky day.

@Dv2424 If he has only worked pt to facilitate his wife working more hours then I don't think it's unreasonable for him to ask for support with housing costs movong forward, especially if he going to be housing his children for some of the time? Private renting is incredibly expensive.

I think it is unreasonable. There is DV involved. She owes him nothing . She needs to protect herself and her children. Give him the child benefit she looses other child related help . He's already blaming her for making him homeless. Typical DV abuser puts the blame on her . He's already gas lighting playing mind games. He has the child benefit. Children with him in social housing is he even going to let her see the children.

I think if this was a man asking if he should leave a wife who went PT and sacrificed career progression, pension contributions and financial security to raise his children destitute, the response would be a resounding no.

Why haven’t you mentioned the fact he’s abusive?

OP don’t let your ex claim the CB. It can cause all sorts of problems down the line.

If you are going to have 50:50 care suggested in your update, why can he not claim for one and you for the other? Tbh if he will he having the children 50% of the time (providing it actually will be this) I don't see why he shouldn't claim it anymore than you should.

When you say you are afraid he will explode, do you mean you fear he will be physically violent (again)? Because if so please contact Women’s Aid and the police.

Can he afford to rent privately if he’s working part time? If you have more than one child I’d split the CB.

I don't see why he shouldn't claim it anymore than you should.

HE IS ABUSIVE!!! Why can’t people read?!

How does childcare work at the moment?

If it's 50/50 then it's fair to claim for one child each if two children, I know others who have done this

Depending on the council’s policies he may be entitled to a second bedroom if he can prove that he will have shared custody of the children.
Our council will award a child access bedroom if they can provide a latter from the main carer confirming that the applicant will have overnight care of the children and will therefore require a bedroom to facilitate this.

OP I had to leave in similar circumstances. Also the main earner. Do not give an inch

Whatever you think is going on he will consider everything an opportunity to abuse and control you.

Well done for leaving.

Also if he has the child benefit it is used to give him other rights, eg it's relevant for custody issues. Do not do it and fgs don't let him live in your house.