DH being treated like unpaid Uber

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

I know this isn't a me problem because I refuse to do all the running around but am fed up of DH getting annoyed about this but doing fuck all about it. His two kids (I say kids loosely as they are 17 and 24) expect him to drive them around here there and everywhere without a word of thanks. Eldest is working but refuses to learn to drive; whenever she visits it's just expected that he picks her up and drops her off. Youngest still stays here part of the week and what's prompted my rant is that it was dropped on us last night that he's out for the day today in another city a couple of hours away and is expected to be picked up at the train station, driven to mum's to pick up his overnight stuff (opposite end of the city to us) and then driven back here to stay the night. This is all lateish at night btw, and we only found out about this 'expectation' late last night after DH had to prise out of his son how he was getting to our house. Meanwhile ExW refuses to encourage any growing up at all and enables their reliance on parents.

AIBU to think that at this age they need to have a bit of consideration and appreciation for their dad and to maybe start thinking for themselves about how they're going to get around? When does it end?

It sounds normal behaviour of a teenager TBH, pretty sure I was the same at 17.

2 buses isn't the end of the world?

Yup! I had to walk a bit, get a bus, train, then another bus and walk, took 2 hours but certainly didn't expect my parents to be a taxi! Xx

@Jeannie88 did you live with both of your parents?

Maybe there has to be a compromise in that dad will pick them up but they have to inform him of their plans in plenty of notice. For the 17yo at least. The 24yo is taking the piss a bit. I was married with a mortgage at 24.

For the first few months after moving back from university and doing a postgrad yes. They were both still working, which included shifts. I was used to being independent, with a year abroad, so more than able to manage my own travel. Then I moved in with my boyfriend, he worked full time so same situation. The days before Google I worked out bus and train times, got up early and just did it! No big wow, yes it wasn't easy but I was young and made the choice to so it but without having to rely on others. Xx

We had this issue too OP. His adult children had him drive them all over the place at all bloody times and constantly left me with the baby. He had a lot of dad guilt from being a shite dad to them as a kid but he also actually liked driving them round because it meant he didn’t have to parent our child. His children were too scared to use buses and taxis 🙄
Very happily single now as he never did find his backbone.

I agree that some teenagers do seem to think that public transport is beneath them, @Menomeno .
Last year, my DD took an Uber to an airport instead of getting the (free with her student ID) bus and it cost us over $100. We weren’t pleased and it hasn’t been repeated!

I have zero sympathy for parents who moan about their children’s behaviour while doing absolutely no actual parenting. Your DH has made a rod for his own back. He either needs to sort it now (which will be incredibly hard as he’s let it go on unchallenged for so long) or shut up.

It's up to your dh if he spends time doing that. You can either sympathise with him or tell him you don't want to hear it.

Likelihood is it's a means to keeping contact going.

I was using 2 buses to get to school from age 11. It's a life skill using public transport effectively. They need to learn it.

I would suggest birthdays and Christmas buy them both travel passes for trains and buses, theres no excuse then for them to ask, just say no use your pass.
They are both too old now to be asking for lifts everywhere, its time for them to grow up.