DD angry at mature student for inappropriate email

[KeepCalmPlease]

NC just in case.
Daughter is angry this eve as a mature student on her course has mistakenly replied all to the class, instead of just her lecturer. In the email, apparently they brag about finishing their assigned work early, and then flirt about a shared hobby with lecturer. Daughter wants to bring this up formally with the institution along with other friends of hers. I haven't seen the email so I'm not sure what "flirting" is but I suspect the mature student, being older, just shares a hobby with lecturer (and likes being teachers pet).
My advice to her is just ignore the mistake, keep your head down and make sure your own work is done. AIBU?

I'm not sure why DD is so exasperated by this. I'm sure many emails fly about all day in academia.

No I mean by going bleating to her mummy about normal innocuous communications between two adults. And forming a pitchfork posse with other likeminded silly people.

But your response to me shows the apple didnt fall far. So good luck to the both of you.

I missed this bit about sleeping on it.

I’d also tell her that at best her formal complain would give the lecturers something to laugh about (although it’d be a complete waste of her time) but, most likely, at worst she’d end up embarrassing herself when posed with the inevitable question of “What exactly are you making a formal complaint about?”

Lecturers get to know their students over the course of three or more years. Mine did and I did a course where there were hundreds of us. I really wouldn’t have wanted them to remember me for this reason tbh. I received a congratulatory/farewell email from one senior professor I got to know (as I did a few of his modules and he oversaw my dissertation) after I finished and he put a kiss on the end! It was just his personality. Post grad students sometimes meet up with lecturers (and their families) for a drink/meal while they supervise them and stay in touch in the future.

The fact that the email has been sent to the whole class will - I am sure - soon come to the attention of those who need to know.

Why is the email embarrassing. The mature student is saying they’ve finished an assignment early. Where does the bragging come into it, I can only imagine if there is any bragging, it was done tongue in cheek. I think your daughter is likely envious she’s not finished hers yet.
If the email is in anyway inappropriate then I’m sure the lecturer will have a word with that particular student, or flag it with their own manager seeing how it’s gone public.
It’s hard being a mature student amongst a load of 18 year olds, without your daughter isolating them further and reporting them.
If she does report the message I would say it’s her that will end up looking foolish, not the other way round.

Agree. OP not coming off that well herself.

'hard of reading'?

Why do parents get so over involved in their adult children's educational course anyway? It's weird!

Are you saying there were things in there directly about your DD that were embarrassing? Otherwise embarrassing for whom?

Can we see the email? What was embarrassing about it?

I think it's hard being a mature student and especially when younger classmates take to judging and condemning normal adult behaviour, such as sending friendly emails.

My DH currently has a group of students like this. Frothing each other up into formally complaining about stuff that makes them look like utter twits.

Like 'playing favourites' ie starting the lecture on time for the handfull of punctual students rather than waiting half an hour for the rest to meander in.

Their latest formal complain about him is that his exam paper had questions that weren't on last years exam paper. How is it reasonable to expect them to prepare if they don't know what to prepare for!

What does ‘bragging’ about completing assignments even look like. Maybe its just a statement of fact.

I see this sort of language all the time on MN. Someone is apparently 'bragging' about something when it seems to be all they've done is mention it.

Some people get incredibly worked up at anyone ever mentioning anything that could be considered some sort of achievement.

You live in a shit town and someone happens to mention they live in the neighbouring much nicer one? Bragging.

You are on the basic salary band for your job and a colleague mentions they've been put forward for a promotion that will put them on a higher band? Bragging.

Your sister mentions happily that your nephew just passed his drving test first time, and you know your kids all took theirs twice, even though she never mentioned your kids at all by way of comparison? Bragging.

Just booked a holiday to Florida and mentioned it to your SIL who is going to Devon and struggling to afford that? Well, obviously you are bragging.

Even if the comment was not said with the intention of making someone else feel lesser, if it does, then there will be an accusation of bragging, or 'they think they are better than us.'

So the OP's DD might be struggling with her deadline, so someone else mentioning they finished an assignment with time to spare is automatically considered to be bragging.

These things always say more about the accuser than the 'bragger.' It must be depressing to live in such a way that you see everyone else as a threat to your own self worth.

This has nothing to do with your DD and doesn’t impact her
She needs to move on

I remember from being a student, everyone hated mature students. This is because they show up the standard-age students , who don't have that much time for studying because they have such a lot of young people nonsense going on.

We didn't like them because they were diligent, offered considered and mature opinions that showed us all up. They did all the reading , even the optional stuff, and they genuinely enjoyed it. They got firsts in all their essays.

We also didn't like them because they were old and therefore we were constrained in what we could say in front of them. We were glad when they left with their earnest opinions on subject related matters and we could really concentrate on our excessive drinking, smoking and mindless flirting again (this was the 90s, I am sure young people may vary their time-wasting activities today).

I would just tell your daughter, dislike of mature students is as old as the student she's talking about, But she should be honest about the reasons she doesn't like them and she has no reason to think they are getting unearned favourable treatment.

‘She said she will sleep on it but her whatsapps been buzzing away with chat about the email no doubt’

@ChinnyChin2 page 2

@Fladdermus

Starting lectures on time - what madness!

They would have loved me - when I was a mature student I made a complaint about a group of students who turned up 15 minutes late every single time, and brought breakfast with them - not just a drink - bacon sarnies, McDs etc. Disrupted everyone else
Hot food was banned - I was not popular

Whilst I agree that OP's DD situation is nothing to stress over. I don't think that one can describe mature students or younger students in such monolithic terms. I've experienced a range of abilities, levels of application, etc. in students of all ages.

ManchesterBeatrice · Today 08:26
'Sleeping on it' like she's the boss 😂

Exactly She must have a very high opinion of herself.

I'd be interested to know what ramifications she thinks there would be for a student completing assignments early

It wasn't intended for her and was sent in error. The old 'reply all' I've seen someone sacked over one of those. But it was bullying related.
I don't know what she will achieve by making a complaint. The other student is allowed to talk to the teacher about hobbies? Is it that your daughter is worried the other one is getting preferential treatment? Does she fancy or particularly dislike the other student or the teacher? Sorry, it just seems like I'm not sure she should waste much energy on it.

She'll come across like a childish tattle-tale. Does she frequently start drama?

You could also try and get rid of the chip on your shoulder about people older than you getting on better than you in the workplace.

Indeed.

I was a mature student myself.

I was the one who had to retake my A-levels* aged 40 because when I was actually at school my home life was so sh1t I couldn't study effectively.

I was the one who asked the questions the whole class was wondering about because the younger ones wouldn't ask in case they made fools of themselves.

I was the one who got my work in as early as I could because I also had a disabled husband, and a house full of kids and dogs to worry about so I didn't dare risk leaving anything to the last minute.

I was the one who wasn't out on the piss every night and panicking at the night before deadline because I hadn't done the reading, let alone written the essay, and now I couldn't get hold of the books because other students in similar mode had got them out of the library.

I was the one who knew that this was probably the last chance I had for a decent education, and was I hell going to waste it.

And while I wasn't "friends" with the tutors, in the sense that I didn't share hobbies or go for a drink with them, I probably did find it easier to talk to them in a relaxed manner just because most of them were nearer my age.

*I took 4, in a year, in my spare time, and achieved 3-A stars and a B. Nobody did me any favours by feeling sorry for me because I was "old", or they were "pally" with me. I worked my arse off to get there and make a good job of it. You'll find that most mature students are the same. They know it's now or never for them.

Thanks! Had a senior moment and missed that bit

18 year old me wasn’t upset when there was actual shagging for marks going on. Made no odds to me. Didn’t lower my mark so 🤷‍♀️

@ChinnyChin2 your welcome, i was up early and caught it all 😂

Seriously? You aren’t allowed to be friendly with your adult students anymore? University has changed (and not for the better). When I was there it was an academic community with mutual respect and often friendship (and some I appropriate shenanigans that everyone rolled their eyes about). They aren’t children.