To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

It's a favour, that's been withdrawn and it wasn't pausing, it was 20 minutes!

Jesus, no wonder there are so many inept adults because their parents don't expect them to take responsibility for themselves,

Well muggins isn’t going to facilitate in the future. So she can sort it out herself or your H can.

Good for you! Absolutely correct!

maybe then they will see how much you DID do.

dont you dare back down. This is not your mess to sort out.

My own dc were finishing a game as exh pulled up. Ds rang him as he was early and said he would be 10 mins... Exh left me a vm telling me the police and helicopter were en route as I was denying him his dc.... Gaming brings about trouble ime!!
Just stop collecting them. Bet dh won't pander to this shit when it's him sat waiting..

Is your DSS on a bus route that goes by your home @Oklie ? If so, your DH should arrange with his ExW that she puts their son on the bus and he gets off at the stop closest to where you live and he walks to your home. If he has time to be playing XBox or PS games, he has time to get to your place by bus.

“You two seem to have forgotten that I have been doing you a favour. My time is valuable. If he’s ready when I get there, then fine. If not, I’m not waiting. It’s not my problem to sort out. If you don’t change your attitude towards my time, the favour stops.”

Most reasonable post on this website, honestly.

Finally. A woman sticking up for herself. Well done OP.

Well done OP. Definitely time for a new routine to be sorted that doesn't involve you or your tired and hungry kids.

I can't help but think that the ex (DSS's mum) could facilitate the situation better by ensuring her son has everything ready the minute you pull up outside their home. I know he's 12 years old and yes, he should be organising himself better but she could help by cutting off the internet 5 minutes before the allotted pick up time; there is no way that she won't know the 'ballpark' time that her DS is being picked up?! Especially if she herself has to get ready to go to work!

@Noyesnoyes "It's a favour, that's been withdrawn and it wasn't pausing, it was 20 minutes!"

You're really determined to misunderstand me. Yes, 20 minutes makes it a big favour. Pausing to pick someone up isn't. If the OP can do something that takes a second to make it a pause then I don't see what's wrong with that. Because this situation isn't going to change. And it's in everyone's best interests if it's as calm and happy as possible.

He sounds like a stroppy child. Don't dance to his tune.

Good for you OP!! I hate seeing women being taken the piss out of.

Bravo! Exactly.

Completely agree with your latest update. Actions have consequences. Cant help but feel given you mentioning his mum doesn't get on with you she has enjoyed you struggling in the car with the toddlers.

I’d refuse to do it from now on.
She can drop him over when you are in or wait until DH gets him.
I would be livid waiting in a car for 20 mins!

My 12 year old gets picked up by me at my ex house and vice Versace I never have to wait more than a minute or two for her to come out with her bags, the same goes at my house. I know what time he'll arrive so she's packed and ready to go when he arrives.

You're right op to have driven off, I'd do the same in your shoes. Tbh unless you get an apology off your dh id be telling him make alternative arrangements for collecting his dc in the future

Not unreasonable in the least.

He is 12, not a baby. He knows when you are coming and gets a text when you are nearby. He should be capable of getting himself sorted and being ready at the door. If he cannot manage this himself, which at 12 he should be able to, his mum needs to sort it so he is ready.

It is bloody rude to just leave you waiting - you are not a taxi service.

Well done for driving off! Maybe his mum will sort it now.

Going forward, 5 minutes, then leave. Repeat every time until they get the message.

I find the pressure of going to the door really helps kids shivvy along. But heaven forbid you, a grown woman, has an uncomfortable moment with a other grown woman or are inconvenienced by having to walk with toddlers (I’ve had 2 toddlers, it’s really not that hard to walk down a garden path with them)

But you did knowingly have a child with a man who already has a child, so some responsibility is yours too, whether you choose to shoulder it or not no it fucking isnt

How nasty

At 12 he still needs help being gee’d on, making sure he’s packed everything and general time keeping. No one is helping him. his mum was in the house to help with that

What’s nasty? It’s the truth. So many stepchildren seem to be a serious inconvenience to family no2 and guess what - they know it as well

You're deliberately being obtuse! You got everything wrong in your first few posts, you just wrote your own narrative, not the actual truth.

The DM knows that the OP is kindly doing her a favour to enable her to get to work
on time, but doesn't have her DS ready at the allotted time, the time she knows about.

It's a favour not a duty and has now been withdrawn!

Do you expect to be told by a friend they'll meet you at x time and then expect them to message you to tell you when to leave?

Why are you expecting one adult to tell, and then either go and knock on the door, or message again? Really?

I get you're probably a SM hater, but really.

Anyway as OP had said, she's not doing in anymore.

Why is that so funny?