To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

You REALLY want them to phone each other don’t you?

Yes and SM is trying to...God love her.
BUT
It seems no one told the Ex as her and her DS seem to have no intention of doing so by continuously being late.

Making a journey for OP and her own DC more tiresome than it need be after a long day at work/nursery.
What's the betting they'd all rather be in their own home rather than sitting outside while waiting for someone to glance out of a window.

Exactly this. It wouldn't be tit for tat at all. The DM in this thread should be proactive in encouraging her son to be fair and respectful towards SM despite any bad feeling as it is a good life lesson and good manners. I am not at all bashing SM, I didn't mean to hit a nerve.. SM feelings would just wouldn't be paramount to me. I know she is doing a favour but probably to help her husband more than anyone, SS will see right through that and probably doesn't care. As I said in another post, I wouldn't put myself in that predicament. Not out of spite but so that I could focus on the toddler who is likely to make the rest of the day difficult if not home in a timely manner. And I am not SM bashing, just feel things like favours should be genuine else they don't really mean much.

So what more do you suggest. Her DH already texts DM with pick up time on the day. What more does a grown woman need by way of reminders to have her son ready - especially if arriving on time for work herself depends on it. And why all three kids ? OP is in the car, outside, waiting on time. Why should she wrangle her two children out of car seats to knock on the door and delay things even further because DM can’t be arsed to make sure her own son is ready ?

So, given that we don’t know who is responsible for the bad feeling between OP and DM, why are you reaching to blame OP ? And the timekeeping isn’t left to a 12 year old boy. DH texts DM every single time. What more does she want, assuming she’s not a total imbecile ?

You say juvenile, a lot would say reasonable boundaries on OP's part. It does sound like the boy's mum could be pulling some sort of immature power trip.

@Rosscameasdoody "And why all three kids ?"

Because I don't see how this can be anything but stressful- kids pick things up. And the little ones will know there's angst around their sibling even though they probably won't understand what's going on.

@Rosscameasdoody srry that was meant as a reply to you. Coulldnt have agreed more.

So the stress is taken out of the situation. OP gets herself and her kids home in a timely fashion, without the stress of being made to cool her and her tired little one's heels until 12 year old sees fit to stroll on out to his ride.

Mother and/or father can take responsibility for their twelve year old's transport and timekeeping.

No worries. mate!

So it’s ok for you to wait around for 20-30 minutes because she can’t get her arse in gear, but not ok for her to have to wait? Her time is worth more than yours? I don’t think so! Cheeky bitch

Rejgardless of who it is thatsj ust plain bad manners and child is being taught bad manners. You are not being unreasonable at all

I honestly think someone could post that their stepson stabbed them and someone would try to make it their fault: "Why didn't you just grow an exoskeleton OP?"

Plus the old classics: "You knew what you were getting into..." Or "Were you the OW?"

I wouldn't get involved any more the mum can drop him off. If your dh wants to do it that's his look out. It's completely disrespectful to make you wait.

My 13yo got a lift to an activity tonight and wasn't ready, kept his friends dad waiting for a couple of minutes whilst I apologised for him. 20 mins is awful.

my ds is 15 and he is laid back. we share pick up/drop off and sometimes i can wait 15mins for him to come out of his dads.
where as his dad has told him if hes not out in 5mins (which i always do) he will go without him.

hope u get it sorted.

I still maintain that 20 minutes was far too long to wait. Should have gone earlier.

I don't think the step mother is evil or wicked or any of that other stuff. I just think that there was a way to make this better for everyone by changing focus slightly. You don't always have to win- sometimes you have to think about the bigger picture.

So apart from the OP handing over her phone number which she doesn't want to do, and in reality she shouldn't have to what "changing focus slightly" would you suggest?

If only the Op had spoken to her DH, or her step son, before resorting to drastic measures…

Oh wait. She did…

What exactly do you suggest she did differently given she tried that, and the boys mother knew when the Op was going to be there so a magic text isn’t going to make a difference there either?

And regardless of the relationship between everyone, generally in life you shouldn't have to continually wait for people ...

My kids have a couple of friends who are always very late. Everyone is standing around for ages waiting for them to arrive so they can go, say, to the cinema.

I've now told my kids not to wait more than about ten minutes as they are enabling these friends. They should get on with what they'd planned to do and it's then the friends who are late who miss out and, hopefully, learn a lesson!

Yeah, I have a family member who is notorious for being late, and keeping everybody waiting. Apparently they just can't help it.

Which is why it mystifies everyone that they don't do it with me. But I don't huff and puff and keep waiting. I just cheerfully get on with the programme. I guess they know that is what will happen, and it motivates them to be on time.

Nope I wouldn’t wait, I have kids this age that are always late. It is frustrating, but the fact that the parents aren’t addressing it and expect you and young children to wait for unreasonable periods isn’t a you problem, it’s a them problem. You were there on time and ready. Allowing him to finish a game means to me that they are willing to do drop off.

The bigger picture is that the OP is being treated like she doesn't matter. Keeping someone waiting without a good reason is atrocious behaviour.

Then she needs to leave her house earliy enough to drop him off before work. Not your problem if it's not on the way.

DM already knows what time the kid is being picked up. I bet her boss/colleagues don't text her to remind her she needs to get out the door to get to work. She knows the concept of being ready at a pre-known time.

I can't really blame the 12 yo when both of his parents think his behaviour is fine. You have a DH problem.