To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

yes but as i say… IMO that is very clear from the outset

The child wasn't ready for their contact time. Okay, a lot might expect a 12 year old to be ready BUT ultimately the mother prevented contact by not having them ready, and in doing so apparently failed to get themselves ready for work. The parent has the timekeeping issue it would seem. What's the school attendance like? Equally slapdash?

@LemonFawn "It shows that the ex probably gets a kick out of seeing OP wait outside for 20 minutes"

Very possibly. It's also possible that the OP gets a kick out of not doing anything to improve the situation. In either event everyone's a loser, including all three kids.

i think you misquoted me

I genuinely honestly cannot see how anyone could think you unreasonable Op I really can’t

oh the 3 children are by far and away the losers in this mangled blended family

@LemonFawn I'm sorry- yes I did. Do you want me to ask for it to be deleted?

@LuckySantangelo35 "I genuinely honestly cannot see how anyone could think you unreasonable Op I really can’t"

Because she isn't prepared to contact the mother and leaves the time keeping to a 12 year old boy. One text, and she'd be completely reasonable.

@CurlewKate

but the mum knows what time he is being picked up though?

What's your relationship like with DSS?

Have you or his father spoken about his rudeness keeping you waiting?

"but the mum knows what time he is being picked up though?"

So she's supposed to sit by the window waiting? Assuming the OP is sometimes a little late or a little early, school run traffic being what it is. When a 7 letter text would solve the problem.

@CurlewKate

I would have expected that within the twenty minutes was sat outside their house waiting that either he or his mother would like out the window to see if Op was there yes

I genuinely cannot understand how a twelve year old cannot tell the time, and be ready for their lift.

And if the mother is aware that the kid is so challenged, cannot oversee and ensure the kid is ready for their lift.

If they don't give enough of a shit to make it happen, I don't see why she should. Mother and father can sort it out for themselves.

YANBU that would really piss me off! I get annoyed when I collecting people who know I’m on my way and I’m sat waiting for them, it’s rude

*Oklie · Yesterday 09:17

CurlewKate · Yesterday 07:47

I genuinely don't understand what's so hard about texting the mum. Obviously if that
doesn't work then things change. But she might have two fractious toddlers too. Or whatever.
I don't even have her number. We don't get on.*

@CurlewKate ....

Why do you keep on about the OP sending a text?
Are you even reading the OP's replies?

Once again
How can OP send a message when she doesn't have, or neither wants the Ex's phone number

"I would have expected that within the twenty minutes was sat outside their house waiting that either he or his mother would like out the window to see if Op was there yes"

She shouldn't have been kept waiting. One way to make sure this didn't happen, considering that the kid has proved himself unreliable is a one word text. The OP is then completely, unequivocally in the right and the mum has no leg to stand on.

🙄🙄🙄

"How can OP send a message when she doesn't have, or neither want the SM's phone number"

Yes, I did see that. But I didn't think 2 adult women would be quite so juvenile,frankly.

No, she's supposed to reinforce to her son that he's being picked up at whatever time her ex texted to her earlier that day. Remember OP posted "... my husband tells her every time that I'll be leaving work at X time and will be picking SS up at X time."?

You seem very determined that all the responsibility is on the stepmother Kate, and none on the mother. Any reason for that?

@CurlewKate

why are you determined to absolve everyone of any responsibility in this situation and just blame Op however tenuously you can? It’s odd.

Are you ok?

She already sends him a message to tell him ten minutes before she arrives? And still he can't get himself ready on time?

He, his mother, and his father, have been given more than enough rope to hang themselves.

They can sort the situation out between themselves now. I'm betting they'll get a lot more motivated between the two parents to sort out his poor timekeeping when it becomes their problem.

OP isn’t going to share her number with her stepson’s mother, so I’m not sure why you keep going on about it.

She’s doing them a favour, she doesn’t need to put herself out any more than she has done (or indeed, at all!). The mother, knowing what time OP is due to arrive, could absolutely make sure her kid is ready to leave. And yes, she could look out the window.

Hopefully though it won’t be necessary, because OP will be leaving the lot of them to it.

Wouldn't call the OP juvenile...more finally woke up after continously being made to wait and finally reached the end of her tether.

If you include the original time the OP's DH text his Ex to say his DW was on her way, 10 mins, and the 20 she waited outside, from the first text message to when the Dss finally emerged from his gaming it must have been around 30 mins in all.
Surely its not to much to ask the Dss mum to glance out of the window, is it?

I'd call the EX a bit silly for rocking the boat when she was on to a good thing by getting her Ex's wife to collect her inconsiderate DS and take him home to his DF so she herself didn't have to do it.

How can she contact the mother when she doesn't have her phone number?

<shrugs> 2 adult women with at least 3 children between them refusing to exchange numbers is just a bit silly. The object, surely, is to make everything as calm and painless as possible for the children.