To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

"DH does have his exes number. I don't and she doesn't have mine either"
(Posted by OP Today 09:27)

Good for you. Definitely make it the new norm or let your husband or his mum to the pick ups.

Good for you, he's not your child so let them sort it out. Bloody brat making you wait like that knowing he needs to be ready. He's 12 Fgs. And if his mother is such a nasty person, you're a saint for even doing this. Your dh needs to sort this out. They have used you enough!

This is bollocks. He’s gaming and doesn’t care about the OP sitting outside for 20 minutes plus, while he finishes a game. What’s wrong with his, you know, actual mother doing some parenting and making sure he’s ready. It’s rude, it’s disrespectful and being a SC doesn’t give him any excuse.

1. Who is 'this girl"? OP has a stepson.
2. Stepson's parents have far more responsibility, which they are abdicating to OP.
3. OP is not treating him as a second-class citizen, despite the disrespect shown to her by stepson and his mother.
4. I always wonder what kind of massive cunt dismisses the feelings of toddlers wanting to go home but not being able to because their arsey brother wants to finish a computer game. And then I answer my own question with 'probably someone whose own behaviour is likely more akin to that of the arsey brother and his mother'.

If I say ‘nope!’ in another language, is that more likely to compute?

‘Stepparent’ is merely a title, not a role that is required to be performed to any established standard. By marrying his father she gained precisely zero responsibility for his child.

Not considering someone who isn’t your child, to indeed not be your child, isn’t treating them ‘like a second class citizen’. The bottom line is he isn’t her child, and was and is under no obligation to involve herself in the pick up/drop off arrangements, or the indeed in anything that would require her to assume responsibility for his care.

The SC is the one treating OP like a second-class citizen. And their DM, tbh.

I feel like this is really irresponsible when you share 50:50 custody. If he was badly hurt in your care how would you tell her? Or vice versa?

Erm I'd tell his dad obviously...? Who can then contact his child's mother.

And she does know because my husband tells her every time that I'll be leaving work at X time and will be picking SS up at X time. So she needs to make sure he's ready for that time regardless as to whether I knock on her door to let her know or not. She knows what time I'll be there.

She has a level of responsibility (when he is in her care/ home. For example, to make sure he's not engaging in dangerous activities), but not more than either of the parents. I imagine DH and ExW are pissed off now because they have had to step up and be inconvenienced, and OP is at the shit end of that stick. And why? Because she finally had enough of being taken for a mug by 2 adults and a child. 2 adults and a child that are all of an age where they can take some level of responsibility for themselves.

I often wonder what kind of massive cunt dismisses the feelings of SM and her 2 toddlers entirely and thinks that being born to family number 2 means they should be treated like second class citizens by family number 1.

Gender plays no role here in my opinion.

Give your head a wobble.

I’m struggling to see why you are defending anyone but OP in this situation.

She put her own children’s needs first

The mother and father of stepson should make their own arrangements from now on

has the father of your children moved on with someone else?

I would extend this to the DH as well to be honest.

Both Mum and DH had a good gig to be honest and now they have messed it up. At the same time as potentially creating a disrespectful, inconsiderate problem for themselves to deal with for the next however many years. Epic fail.

They're all bloody disrespectful and I'd stop doing it. What a cheek.

Absolutely horrific to blame two toddlers who have had a very long day at childcare for being 'whiny' and 'not sitting still' why the hell should they wait 20 minutes in absolute boredom when they're already so close to bedtime, that evening time is their only time to see their mum that day and be in their own home and they're stuck in a car. Just leave pick ups to his dad OP.

I would say “I will wait exactly 5 minutes and no more” and if he isnt in the car I will drive away.

I always wonder what kid of massive cunt dismisses the feelings of SC entirely and thinks that simply being born to the family no1 means they should be treated like a second class citizen by family no2 - it seems they’ve all come to this thread!

Who is dismissing his feelings? Should be be treated like a little prince with people waiting for him to deign to be ready or should he be treated like an ordinary member of the family?

I’ll say it again, if this girl was 12 and it was a stepdad not a stepmum the OP would be getting torn a new one

Nope. I expect children of that age not to be so rude regardless of their sex.

I'm looking at this from the point of view of a mother, not the step mother. I expect my children to respect the other adults in their lives, not treat them like their personal servant. That includes their step mother who I have good reason to despise and will have nothing to do with - I still wouldn't allow my DC to have kept her waiting.

I’m guessing he want a secret

Want a secret? What?

he hasn’t been treated a second class citizen, she’s done SC mother and father a favour consistently and been made to be kept waiting and disrespected.

your langauage is awful. OP is not a c* at all

I wouldn't tell them I would wait 5 minutes, even though I would actually wait that long.

Not unreasonable at all to drive off.

But very unreasonable not to have his mum's phone number in case of an emergency. What if you couldn't get hold of dh or he and ss were in a car accident? What if something happened to dh and you needed his ex to collect their son?

To be kept waiting for 20 minutes for a child to finish his computer game is royally taking the piss.

OP is NBU, I would give them one more chance to be ready on time as requested otherwise I would be leaving collection of DSS up to DH and exW to sort out between them in future.

So the thread is filled with massive cunts, because the support for OP is pretty much solid - yes ? Why is that ? She’s not ‘dismissing’ his feelings. He’s rude and disrespectful if he’ll keep her waiting for up to twenty minutes just to finish a game. How about his mother doing some actual parenting and making sure he’s ready - especially if her own plans tie in with pick up time. It’s up to actual parents to keep the arseholery between themselves to a minimum so that it doesn’t affect the children, and to teach them that being stepchildren doesn’t entitle them to behave disrespectfully to the step parent. The sex of the children involved is irrelevant.

Now you're just making stuff up.

I'll suggest another scenario, one that I'm making up because I can't possibly know.

He's 12, in the throes of puberty, thinks all adults are bo-ring! and not nearly as much fun as his thoroughly addictive game where he gets to shoot people or build worlds or be The Hero (or all three). He'd rather interact with the other gamers online so although he knows his bo-ring! adult stepmother will be arriving any minute (she's texted) he simply cannot be arsed to leave his exciting game and grab his bag/get his shoes on, and what does it matter anyway he's made her wait before and wouldn't it be fun to see how far he can push it, yeah!, it's not like his bo-ring! adult mum will push him to get ready because his bo-ring! adult mum hates his bo-ring! adult stepmum, so I'll just stay with my game because I WANT TO and that means I'm in charge, they can just wait.

See? Making up stuff doesn't make it so. There are always many possibilities.

Not unreasonable at all. I am a SM, I don't have DSS mums number and (to my knowledge) she doesn't have mine. It's quite normal in when 1 party is high conflict and both parents are actively involved.

If OP couldn't get hold of DH, SS has mum's number.

If OPs DH and SS were in a car accident, I assume ExW would be contacted as a NOK in the same way OP would be?

If something happened to DH and ExW needed to collect SS, then he has a mobile phone with her number in it?

My DSS gets picked up by his mum at a specific time on a Saturday. He's known for massive faffing and not being ready on time. So he gets a 30 min warning, half an hour before mum is due to arrive, every single weekend. He has to tidy his room, get his stuff together and be waiting to go when mum arrives. Because we're not massive cunts with no respect for his mum's time, and he has been taught to do the same.

‘Horrific’ ? Really ? Get a grip. I agree that if DSS can’t be ready on time and his mum can’t be bothered to parent properly then OP should just bow out and leave it to his actual parents, but no-one is ‘blaming’ the toddlers - it’s a fact of life. They’re tired and grumpy at the end of the day. Normal. Nothing horrific about it.