To have just driven off?

[Oklie]

On my way home from work I collect mine and DHs DC either from nursery or my parents wherever they are that day as both are on my route home.

I also pass my husbands exes house who he shares a child with and so on the days (50:50) they are with us my husband will ask me to collect SC too.

Our DC are young and are often ratty by 5:30/6pm when they are picked up. There are often tantrums in the car or trying to get out of car seats when we pull up anywhere etc..

I have asked time and time again for SC to be ready when we arrive, he knows the time we will be there and I always let him know on the day too both earlier and 10 mins before we arrive. His mum also knows when I'll be picking up. However he always without fail seems to take ages coming out and its chaotic in the car waiting with tired, hungry and grumpy little ones.

I have asked dh to speak to him, I have spoken to him myself, I have asked DH to speak to ex, I have called / texted when I'm there and it's been 10 + mins of waiting in the car.

Anyway today I'd just had enough. It got to 15 mins of waiting in the car and I rang him again to which he admitted he was "just finishing a game" (as in a multiplayer xbox game) and was 'coming now'.

It got to gone 20 minutes I'd been waiting and so I text again, said it wasnt on and that I was going now and I just drove off and left. DH later went back himself.

DH thinks I was wrong, ex is apparently "fuming" because it meant she had to set off late for work waiting for DH to get there (but couldn't make sure he was ready to go on time obviously). I am passed caring. I don't mind picking up SS but I don't want to be left outside in the car for 20+ bloody minutes dealing with stressed out toddlers. It's disrespectful, especially when it's down to finishing a fucking game. This is not the first time this has happened, its not even uncommon, its practically 90% of the time I go I am left waiting for a stupid amount of time.

Was I unreasonable to have left? SS is 12.

Why can't the DH pick up his child himself instead of involving the SP? It appears that there has been a lack of cooperation in the past. I suggest keeping all parties separate and allowing the DH to handle the situation with his child on his own. It's best to avoid any interaction between the new and ex-partners.

This!

And out of respect for you the ex should be chasing him up!

What??!
He's 12 FGS,how does he manage at school with his time management,does he have his mom hurrying him along and supporting him all day at school?,no.He clearly CHOSE gaming as a priority when he knew OP was outside waiting for him.
He was clearly taking the piss with OP and did the right thing by driving off and teaching him (hopefully) a lesson,and his mother as well.No decent person allows their child to do this when they know someone is waiting outside for them and needs to get home.
5 minute wait is acceptable but 20mins?,no way,utter pisstake.

Why not? They aren’t octopuses they’re only small children it’s not that difficult!

And those asking why - because she wants DSS to get out the door more quickly. Rightly or wrongly he’s taking too long so the logical answer would be too put pressure on by knocking on the door

And of course stopping to pick him up is doing a favour. It saves either of the parents having to sort transporting their kid out themselves.

Nope, logical answer is to do what she did - leave. He knew she was waiting and prioritised playing his game.

She wasn’t obliged to put herself out more than she already did.

I also think your DH should be backing you and teaching his son to be respectful !

piffle
and it takes a while to get toddlers in and out of a car so - meh.
OP has made the correct decision: the child's parents are now responsible, having exhausted OPs goodwill. Tough for them.

Given how much sympathy you had yesterday for your ten year old being bullied, it’s disappointing to see you call two tired toddlers ‘whiney’. Very unpleasant post from you.

I would have driven off much earlier in this 'game'.

They know exactly what they're doing: making you wait, de-valuing your time, having a laugh at you having to sit in the car with upset little ones.

I'd be very clear IF you even agree to continue collecting the child in future on your way home: the child is ready when you pull up or they have to deliver the child themselves or wait for your husband to collect the child when he's finished with work. No negotiating.

It’s not your fault OP, but I feel very sorry for the kid who can’t even go home after a day at school and play a game with his mates without having it disrupted by his parents childcare arrangements.

yeah the sudden and unexpected weekly changeover. 🙄

Well yes I do have sympathy for my OWN CHILD and am not especially bothered about whingey toddlers 🤣

I agree - the lad doesn’t seem to have much control in his life and his schedule is dependent on his parents/step parents and impacted by the fact they’re all acting like big babies and not speaking to each other like adults with shared children should

Me too.

Clearly.

Your DH needs to sort this out.

Well that's the thing about online games - they can be played from anywhere

Like OP had sympathy for her own children then?

Really?!

I feel like this is really irresponsible when you share 50:50 custody. If he was badly hurt in your care how would you tell her? Or vice versa?

It must be shit for this 12yo that all the custody arrangements for him are made through him, a child, rather than his parents just growing up and protecting him from all their personal shit they have with each other. What happens when you go on holiday and want to check his schedule? Do you ask him and then he has to be the middle man checking with his mum if he’s available?

Would it absolutely kill you to have her number if not for emergencies?

I mean his parents, because they are prioritising their need to not speak to their ex, are pushing quite a lot of responsibility on a child who isn’t even a teenager. That’s what it looks like to me.

And if you don’t have his mum’s number who is she to know when you turn up? If all the communication is through the son? She must only know the arrangements and when you’re because he tells her?

It would be much easier if the adults grew up a bit and collectively decided to do some more arse kicking when it comes to his schedule and getting out the house on time? Rather than relying on a 12yo to organise everything?

I’m not saying she shouldn’t? But a bit of sympathy for the 12yo who actually seems to be burdening the pettiness of his parents and SM, wouldn’t go amiss.

Same here - you went way beyond what was fair waiting that length of time when he’d had prior warning.

The way to deal with 12 year old gamers is to turn the game off when they’ve been warned. Believe me, it’s the the way they learn. I’ve had plenty of experience … Don’t come off when your tea is ready? Off it goes. Cue lots of complaining, but they certainly learn.

Hold the line and tell DH that he has to make it clear to his ex that the DC must be ready and out to you on time or you’re not waiting.

Loving the posts that say OP should call half an hour before arriving at the pre-agreed time, as a favour, because she is picking up her young DCs at a specific and immoveable time from nursery.

In the old days, if someone was picking you up at 5.30, you stood outside your house with your stuff at 5.30. The end.

I have to say in times like this I wonder if the responses on this thread would have been different if the SS had been a SD. People tie in knots to make excuses for girls on here (I’m being dragged through the mud on another thread for not inviting my DD’s similar aged bully to her party because it’s not the poor girls fault she is the way she is apparently and she doesn’t understand what she does is wrong) but boys are expected to behave like competent adult men from a fairly young age.