Page 8 | To wish I’d never had children?

MsLuxLisbon · 10/04/2024 18:07

jasminocereusbritannicus · 10/04/2024 18:04

Life does have its shit moments, but even though I have had a few ‘episodes’, generally speaking,life is good. I certainly don’t wish my children were never born, or myself!
I think there are far too many misery -mongers in the press/media/tv; and politicians are the worst for telling people how they should be feeling about any given subject. I think that if you let it, it can be anxiety-inducing.
we all need to learn to be happy with what we have…..but if you can’t be happy - do something about it!

This is it. There are a lot of grifters out there telling us that things are awful and then saying that they can sell us the solution. They may be selling, but I'm not buying.

MichaelatheMechanic · 10/04/2024 18:17

Times are tough at the moment but not everyone is unhappy.

Think carefully about what you watch on TV, look at on social media and who you spend time with. This can have a massive effect on your perspective. I was working a frontline role helping members of the public many of whom were in semi-crisis situations a while back. It had a very detrimental effect on me and my view of life. Back to my normal self now thankfully.

Jumpers4goalposts · 10/04/2024 18:20

You sound deeply depressed and if not that, then I really think you need to take a look at your life and make some changes.

ASongOfRiceAndPeas · 10/04/2024 18:48

Squashedbyarock · 09/04/2024 08:27

I don’t think it’s depression - I think it’s realism.
Look at the recent thread where everyone had something (generally awful) that was making their lives deeply unhappy.
life is a cycle of worry and loss.

I agree with you. To not have to think this way I think is a kind of privilege (that I wish I had)

LelyKelly23 · 10/04/2024 18:59

In the nicest way possible, I think you need to see a counsellor OP.

Rachand23 · 10/04/2024 19:18

Start each day with being thankful for something-because you have plenty to be thankful for believe me! one day if the shit really hits the fan you will look back at now and wish you could have this time back.

MsLuxLisbon · 10/04/2024 19:21

ASongOfRiceAndPeas · 10/04/2024 18:48

I agree with you. To not have to think this way I think is a kind of privilege (that I wish I had)

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You don't 'have' to think that way. If you find yourself unable to stop, you have depression and there are drugs that can help.

Cockapoopoopoo · 10/04/2024 19:35

I don't think it's depression OP. I feel the same and I have a good life myself with plenty of money but I have one child and won't have anymore. The state of the world, I lie awake thinking of the children being killed in Gaza and war in general and all it brings and think I will absolutely never bring another child in to this hideous world run by evil and greedy people.

Noangelbuthavingfun · 10/04/2024 19:37

Squashedbyarock · 09/04/2024 08:21

When I had my dc I was in a happier, more optimistic, naive place where I knew the world wasn’t always great but I believed there was a flip side of joy.
Age and experience have now shown me differently and largely I think life is 99.9% grind and misery with 0.01% where everything is ok.
My dc are young and cheerful, I look at them and think - you’ve got no idea.
It is all just such shit all the time, if my parents had been able to ask me before having me I’d have 100% said no, knowing what I do now.
Everyone I know is unhappy (adult) - this doesn’t give particularly good odds for my own children being content.
And I understand no one is happy all the time - happiness is fleeting - I mean more a sort of settled, calm feeling that everything is ok.

Aibu to really regret my dc - for their sake - all the misery and unhappiness that just being alive brings?

No this Is not true at all and if this is how you feel then you definitely need help. Appreciate some things like money etc help but I'd say most people I once are at least 70 % happy all the time myself included. Plse get help

claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer · 10/04/2024 19:40

Borntrippy · 09/04/2024 19:59

This is beautiful. I’m also the survivor of a traumatic, abusive childhood and I love life now and never take it for granted, despite the inevitable suffering we all must face. I think it’s usually those who have had real setbacks and difficulties early in life that are usually the most resilient and able to appreciate the good in life as adults. When I say there is a spiritual crisis in contemporary society I don’t necessarily mean in a religious sense. It’s a general lack of the stoicism that the British used to be so famous for. The understanding that life is suffering, but we don’t give in to despair, we endure and ultimately we thrive and enjoy the beauty and joy that exists alongside the bad.

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I totally agree. I experienced a lot of trauma as a young person and mental illness as a result. Awful things happened, and that makes me appreciate the good so much more. I’m safe, I’m warm, I have a husband and children who love me. I get to smell flowers and see sunrises and laugh with friends.

Of course I worry about climate change and the cost of living and the NHS. I’m not stupid or blind. But terrible things happen, and always have, and the world keeps on spinning, so I try not to let myself get consumed by it.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/04/2024 20:02

I’m not depressed but my life is difficult as is the life of all the adults in my family. Poor health and financial problems. that is my reality. Yes there is joy but I can’t say I’m happy when there is so much struggle in my life. Hopefully my dc will have a better life - but my dparents probably had the same thoughts about me.

willWillSmithsmith · 10/04/2024 20:27

Crystallizedring · 10/04/2024 07:53

Why is buying this own house so important to him? Especially at 17.
In lots of other countries France and Germany, possibly Italy too it's quite rare to own a house (according to the people I know) and most people rent.
And as for retiring, he's got years and years to build a decent pension.
I don't mean this nastily but is it possible he's picked up a negative attitude from you??

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I find renting far more stressful than buying. The idea of being say 85 and still renting would fill me with horror. I encourage my kids to look at buying and rent as little as possible. Better to be struggling with mortgage than rent as at least there’s an end date to it and renting is just paying someone else’s mortgage anyway.

pandarific · 10/04/2024 20:34

@Superlambaanana ’Unfortunately most will be disappointed as their children will just continue to have MH problems because the of their ADHD diagnosis at age 4, mollycoddling and social media/ digital device addiction. They'll trip through life gathering up failed relationships and grasping at an ever illusive state of contentment and probably post on MN about how they wished they'd never had children in the first place.’

what on earth?? What did people with ADHD ever do to you, Super? That is extremely rude!

MsLuxLisbon · 10/04/2024 20:45

pandarific · 10/04/2024 20:34

@Superlambaanana ’Unfortunately most will be disappointed as their children will just continue to have MH problems because the of their ADHD diagnosis at age 4, mollycoddling and social media/ digital device addiction. They'll trip through life gathering up failed relationships and grasping at an ever illusive state of contentment and probably post on MN about how they wished they'd never had children in the first place.’

what on earth?? What did people with ADHD ever do to you, Super? That is extremely rude!

Ignore that particular poster. They are incredibly rude and also have a very shaky grip on reality. I avoid their posts as they make no sense.

Calliopespa · 10/04/2024 20:57

YABU for finding life hard : it is at times.

But YABU for regretting your dcs. You say you look at them being cheerful and think they have no idea. But they DO have an idea: they are happy when you are watching them in those moments and that happiness is a real experience. You are doing something right - very, very right- that you have happy Dcs in the here and now. Can you focus on that to grow your sense of hope and purpose? Of course you won’t be able to solve every issue for them, you will lose your temper at times and say things you regret or just not be “ fun” enough. But every single time you do see them being happy is a moment of happiness they are having because you gave them the gift of life. Sorry if that sounds like it needs a wet soundtrack! But that happiness you witness is not deluded: it’s real - and they may never end up feeling as you do now.

Calliopespa · 10/04/2024 21:06

Calliopespa · 10/04/2024 20:57

YABU for finding life hard : it is at times.

But YABU for regretting your dcs. You say you look at them being cheerful and think they have no idea. But they DO have an idea: they are happy when you are watching them in those moments and that happiness is a real experience. You are doing something right - very, very right- that you have happy Dcs in the here and now. Can you focus on that to grow your sense of hope and purpose? Of course you won’t be able to solve every issue for them, you will lose your temper at times and say things you regret or just not be “ fun” enough. But every single time you do see them being happy is a moment of happiness they are having because you gave them the gift of life. Sorry if that sounds like it needs a wet soundtrack! But that happiness you witness is not deluded: it’s real - and they may never end up feeling as you do now.

Sorry!! I meant YANBU for finding life hard! It is.

But your dc are genuinely feeling happiness when you see them happy. Please get help for their sakes.

Zeborah · 10/04/2024 21:10

You need to be able to see and capture the happy, joyful moments in life, regardless of how fleeting. There’s no such thing as happy ever after.

iloveshetlandponies · 10/04/2024 21:23

I find renting far more stressful than buying. The idea of being say 85 and still renting would fill me with horror. I encourage my kids to look at buying and rent as little as possible. Better to be struggling with mortgage than rent as at least there’s an end date to it and renting is just paying someone else’s mortgage anyway

@willWillSmithsmith

Exactly

curiositykilledthiscat · 10/04/2024 21:31

willWillSmithsmith · 10/04/2024 20:27

I find renting far more stressful than buying. The idea of being say 85 and still renting would fill me with horror. I encourage my kids to look at buying and rent as little as possible. Better to be struggling with mortgage than rent as at least there’s an end date to it and renting is just paying someone else’s mortgage anyway.

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Absolutely. You’re also acquiring an asset, which hopefully will appreciate over time. An asset for you and your kids, if you have any. I expect that the majority of young people now will be renting for the rest of their lives, if they don’t get inheritances.

EmeraldA129 · 10/04/2024 21:31

TimeGrabsYouByTheWrist · 09/04/2024 08:26

You sound very depressed and need help.

Life isn't like that at all!

This.

speak to your doctor op, for the sake of your children if nothing else.

splashofcolour · 10/04/2024 21:33

Squashedbyarock · 09/04/2024 08:27

I don’t think it’s depression - I think it’s realism.
Look at the recent thread where everyone had something (generally awful) that was making their lives deeply unhappy.
life is a cycle of worry and loss.

I saw that thread and didn't add to it because I didn't have anything to write.

MaryBeardsShoes · 10/04/2024 21:37

Borntrippy · 10/04/2024 13:22

So many on here are saying “life is shit” as though this is a universal when in reality it’s very much subjective. YOUR life may appear to you as being shit but many people, who have faced difficulties and challenges that are inevitable, love and enjoy THEIR lives. It’s not just luck however and is very much a mindset issue. Unless you are facing absolute poverty (starving and homeless), untreatable physical pain or severe mental illness, there is nothing preventing you from finding happiness, but of course you must actively seek it out.

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Bollocks

MaryBeardsShoes · 10/04/2024 21:43

And by “Bollocks” I mean, my life is fairly good now. I worked and work at it. “Found happiness.” But it still have to live with awful things that happened to me through no fault of my own.

So yes, it is luck. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

crew2022 · 10/04/2024 22:21

I do wonder if I knew what I know now would I have decided to have children. Maybe not. The pandemic, the wars, the NHS, the coat of living crisis…the world seems a much scarier place than it did.

DayDreamAllDay · 10/04/2024 22:33

I agree with a lot of posts advising to see a GP.

IMO there are so many awful things to have experienced and seen as an adult, yet somehow in my view it’s great to find those personal happy moments away from everyone. For me, I love my DD so much it hurts, but I definitely look forward to have a coffee at the cafe after she is dropped off at daycare! It re-energises me and makes me happy to do something just for me and step away from the noise. Then back into the fray!