Ostracised by group of friends - blaming the Childminder

[springyellowrose]

I met my friend ‘Janet’ at the GP surgery when our daughters were babies. Janet’s daughter a few months older.
I was new to the neighbourhood and Janet introduced me to a lot of mums.
I used to be invited to regular outings, coffee mornings, afternoon teas, picnics, birthdays, play dates, nights out without children etc etc

Fast forward Janet goes back to work full time and one of the mums becomes Janet’s (unregistered) childminder.
Nothing changes except I only meet Janet at the weekens / her days off. I still hang out with the group.

Fast forward the other day when some of us go to a trip to the museum by coach organised by the church.
The childminder is there with her own child and Janet’s daughter. All good.

Janet’s daughter is being potty trained. On the way back she needs to go to the toilet but no toilet in the coach. I was sitted on the other side of the corridor, paralel to the childminder. I offered a nappy she refused. All good. All the time she is comforting Janet’s daughter and encouraging her to hold.
The the girl asks for her pacifier. The childminder says no as the pacifier is only for sleeping time.

We get back to the church and the childminder takes the girl to the toilet immediatelly. Happy ending. Phew! No accidents.

Fast forward the following week and Janet is at mine for a playdate. We get talking about the trip to the museum and she comments what a great job the childminder is doing with the potty training. I agree. The Janet says that the childminder is so attuned to her daughter’s need that she even offered and gave the girl a pacifier to add some comfort and take the girl’s mind off the urge to wee.

I must have made a confused face, Janet asked me what was wrong.

I explained I was right there and told my version of the story. Janet said that it was weird as she is not very strict about the pacifier. Then she said she would ask her daughter what happened.

We changed the subject and playdate carried on as normal.

Fast forward a few days, I realised I was removed from the whatsapp group and the childminder and the majority of other mums removed me from their FB and IG.

My friendship with Janet remains the same but I am not ready to ask her or the few mums who didn’t ‘cancek’ me if they know / heard anything… or if Janet comfronted the childminder or heard her daughter’s side of the story (and how reliable can a toddler’s story be)?

Feeling lonely now but I will start working soon so I will have less time to meet anyway, but it is just sad that I’m now out of the group and god knows what is the gossip circulating about me.

All parents take note. Dont ever leave your DC in the hands of their GP’s. The chances are the GPs won’t be up to date with child CPR. I’m sure most GPs won’t be sad to not be the first choice for (free) childcare.

You decide 😉

Are you so blaze about nursery staff, scout/guide groups, swimming teachers, creches in gyms, etc having first aid, insurance and being suitability checked or is it just illegal childcare that don't need to worry?

The parent in this case chose to leave her child in the care of her friend. Why would I have concerns around a parents decision? Furthermore why would you?

Should all GP’s deny their DC’s requests to care for their GC, while they work, because they don’t hold a First Aid Certificate?

Anyway getting back to the thread I can’t see OP’s conversation around the childminder to her friend as anything other than a normal conversation between two friends. Can you?

Do you have an update after speaking to Janet Op? I can’t see why your conversation with a friend would lead to a fallout out with your friends. There’s more to this story than a a childminder and a dummy.

@RandomSunday

I’ve decided to let it go and will not talk to anyone about it

Also I’ve been very busy preparing to start my job - buying new clothes, home office furniture / sorting out my spare room - changing routines, settling my child in childcare (I will use a mix of a small private nursery and grandparents) and both are not exactly in the neighbourhood (but close and convinient enough) so there is no point trying to salvage any connections here.
I still have good relations with mums who didn’t unfriend me and Janet but avoid talking about other people and their kids and since I’m not hanging out with the group anymore that is easy.

If there is more to it, I dont know and frankly dont care.
It could be a massive misunderstanding but I have no energy or inclination to investigate and I’m turned off because of their behaviour anyway so I’m glad I’m out of that group

What makes you so sure that they removed you because of this dummy incident? It seems so trivial? Could there have been some mistake?

@Sparrow7

because there were no other incidents?
all was fine and normal before and during the trip to the museum and we exchanged photos and messages in the group but I did see anyone after apart from Janet

After my playdate with Janet, I noticed the group whatsapp was quiet - then I realised I had been removed. I realised that some people unfriended me on FB and the same people stopped following me on IG and removed me from their IG following list.

They did not block me in whatsapp though as I can see their photos still, but I didn’t message any of them.

It is not trivial when you bust a childcarer lying to a parent (in my opinion).
Perhaps the childminder will feel watched or whatever if I still come to the group activities. As for the others, who knows what they heard about it all, but if the childminder lied to Janet a such stupid lie about Janet’s child, I don’t doubt she could spin bigger lies about me to the other mums. The other mums were friends with the childminder before I came to the group so I understand why they would believe her.

Urghhh you’re better off without this group of petty school girls.

they are bullies, the unregistered childminder got caught out and didn’t like it

I always stayed away from cliques based on motherhood. It's a toxic cesspit and secondary school yard with bullies all and over again.
Your mind will soon be on more important things so don't worry.

O my life, are you completely stupid?! Of course you are allowed to leave your children in the care of their grandparents. Mine are at their grandparents at this very moment. And my parents did do a one day child first aid course, actually, because they wanted to.

What you're not allowed to do is employ your parents, paying them to look after your child, unless they register as childminders. Bloody hell.

No I’m not stupid. I have my GC twice a week. Their other GPs have them once a week and, occasionally, DIL’s friend has them. Only I hold a CRB and First Aid Certificate.
So bloody what if OPs friend leaves her child with her friend. The mother knows her friend doesn’t hold a First Aid Certificate. She’s happy to leave her dc with her friend as are thousands of other parents. If the child needed resuscitation or to be medically examined she will do as everyone else does. Call 999 in an absolute emergency where she will be talked through resuscitation. Or in case of suspected fractures or head injury she would take the child to a&e That’s what A&E is for Accidents and Emergencies!

Anyone is capable of putting a plaster on a cut or bandaging a bleeding wound to stem the blood from a gash until medical assistance is gained.

It’s not your child the friend is leaving with a person who doesn’t hold a First Aid Certificate. Friend is not bothered why are you?