No phone for secondary school

[StillCreatingAName]

AIBU? I feel like I might be missing something obvious on this one, but honestly why do children need to take a smartphone to school? It’s baffling me as to why there appears to be parents on auto pilot buying their children smartphones (£££) now in year 6, ready for year 7 as though it’s part of a uniform policy (and then sharing their purchase on the class WhatsApp, give me strength).

Is this all just a fallout from lockdown times, people were sort of forced into screen life, so now there’s more children at secondary school with them, who may not have ordinarily had a phone until older?
I’m expecting dc to walk home with friends talking and socialising without the inclusion of a screen or mindlessly scrolling social media instead of listening to friends. I can see where a basic phone might be needed to contact home, but that doesn’t mean the phone should be out of school bag anytime during school hours should it, but maybe I’m just being naive, time will tell 🤷‍♀️?

AIBU to say children don’t need to get a £££ phone for starting secondary school? (It goes without saying they don’t need it at all for primary school, IMHO)?

Haha, my 13yo often leaves for school without his mobile phone and said he doesn't really need it or just forgets. Sorry. We often then rely on his friends to work out where he could be. They are only reliable if they carry them on their person.

Also if he goes out at weekends with friends we have to remind him to take it.

My DC got phones in year 6 ready for yr 7 as a safe space. I knew all the parents so could highlight concerns. I monitored phone usage.

Yr 7 comes and you dont know friends or parents. I still monitored phone usage by reading messages. No social media. All the rules about not in rooms not at no night. Without a smart phone those WhatsApp groups wouldn't have been accessible so DC miss out.

As for school, it in the bag and not allowed out. My rule and school rule. My DC learnt the rules in yr 6 and 7 so as PP said they are easier to educate.

I have Google family on DC phones so I can see every app they download. They ask permission first. They didn't get Insta etc until 13

I can also see where their own is and have Lofe365 so they can see where I am. DD likes.this as she often comes home and I'm in work so she can see if I'm on my way.

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My teens do not use FB, Instagram, Twitter, Tik Tok. They are not interested. The eldest however uses Discord to talk all things black metal with other young people.

My eldest (almost 17) has said that no one he knows uses WhatsApp. Just "old people " (me haha).

It takes a village…

However did we cope before mobile phones.

My friend tried delaying it but they use apps for homework and the bus. Plus everyone socialised on phones - all plans made on WhatsApp and friends son was becoming more isolated because of that. He was also being teased. She caved eventually when he missed another party and cried all weekend. Was a shame, but no other parents felt like she did so she was fighting a losing battle

DS needs a smart phone for the bus.
It is possible that he could pay with change, but he's autistic and dyspraxic, already finds the crowded bus stressful and this is not a good moment for manipulating coins with his fine motor control. If the bus is on time, it's pretty much arriving at the bus stop, so not something he can organise in the queue.

In the storms before Christmas, the bus was diverted due to trees blocking various roads. He was able to get updates from websites and when the bus was sent into labyrnthine housing estates that he's unfamiliar with, google maps was very helpful and we were whatsapping images and screenshots to help the other know what's going on in the 90 minutes it took him to do 3 miles and to help him cope with the stress of lengthy delays and the unpredictable.

As a 40+ who had an analogue childhood, I could manage that on my own without a phone, but the world is new to him, and it's a world that expects mobile phones at our fingertips. It's a disservice not to train young people with these tools as they learn independence in the world. His bag is heavy enough without being loaded up with an A-Z and printouts of bus timetables.

I'm fortunate that he's not motivated by socialising so there's no whatsapp groups to have kicking off. He likes youtube for its access to his interests of Warhammer and geopolitics, and has had (supervised) access to that for years anyway.

I haven't rushed to give mine mobile phones, and the timing naturally came up that my contract released hand sets at Christmas y6. With DS2, that's given us chance to learn ways to manage the social side in a more closed environment where I have more influence than at some point at secondary school.

Bullying can exist without smartphones.

I'm aware of the uses and hazards of young people with phones; I've not rushed to get them as early as possible in the primary years, but they are an essential tool to function independently.
Octogenarian, luddite DM has many issues with her non-phone ownership nd only some of them can be managed by lumping the load on to other people. Simply pretending it's the 1980s and moaning about the world moving on is not an effective life-management strategy.

The world was different. Pay phones existed. Bus timetables were on the walls of shelters (and tended to be less unreliable). Bus drivers expected each passenger to have a handful of change and with all small transactions being cash, change flowed more readily.

We've one past a tipping point and companies favour the quicker and cheaper methods of functioning on the assumption that everyone uses a phone so therefore you can't just carry on as though it's 30 years ago when mobiles were for yuppies, and some Oranges were wittering on about the future being bright and the end of wires.

A simple phone or an old parents phone is really useful for basic apps for school and for communicating with friends and making social plans . Also as they spend more time alone at home it’s quick for them to call you if they have an issue and need advice . In year 7 my youngest called me so many times for advice when out with his friends . I second the advice about children without phones ( and their parents) using other people to find their kids ! My son has such a friend and the mother calls him far too much ! It has impacted the friendship . She even asked to track his phone - he put her in her place and he’s only 12!

I don't know where you lot live but not having an iPhone 15 as a minimum in secondary school would get very very strange!! Mine had iPhones from year 4/5.

This is really interesting, I think it’s good for older dc to have a place for shared interests, then they’re not limited to just local friends at that age and clearly Discord is much more appealing for teenagers than all the usual places anyway - Facebook and Instagram are for ‘old people’ (read: parents)😆.

I’m realising this from other posters too. Isn’t it awful that real life friendships and social lives are so dependent on whether you have a smartphone? I find it depressing that friendships and phone usage, specifically having WhatsApp, are so ingrained 😒

I'm with @TeenLifeMum you can allow a smartphone but restrict it and monitor safe use. My kids have a one hour daily time limit for anything non essential and a bedtime blocker, plus phones charge downstairs overnight under the age of 16. WhatsApp may count as social media but I would argue it is quite essential in this modern life. Literally no teenagers text each other, everything is WhatsApp. But you can monitor their use, make sure they're not joining big group chats and make sure nothing dodgy is going on. Mine don't have Snapchat as that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

As they are travelling independently on public transport, Life360 for tracking them and checking they are where they are supposed to be is also essential in my view, as is the ability for them to use apps like train/bus apps etc.
Final thing, my friend wouldn't get her year 7 a phone, and the child spent the whole year watching over other people's shoulders so it's not like it shielded her fromonline content, just made her life difficult.

I definitely wouldn't buy an expensive phone tho, there are cheap phones and contracts. Ours is £5 a month sim only on a family plan and we bought £100 phones which have lasted for several years.

Must depend where you are because my three teens and their friends all use WhatsApp. Mine have no interest in FB, Twitter, Insta tho and I don't allow Snapchat.

Yes, but I didn’t get a phone until I was in my 20s…my original question was around, is it normal/essential to have a smartphone at school? It is in adult social life and work life, but why in school at such a young age, what makes it essential in year 7?

I agree op. If you could just tell the school that as well. That way they won’t buy in all the apps that need, not only a smart phone but one using the latest iOS.

they now have laptops as well in the starting school kit list, it’s taken it up to a nice £1000 you need to find for them to start school.

What I’m finding from replies is, phones are not as needed for actual school use, as much as they are essential for friendship and social life outside school hours.
Does this mean, it’s about my dc’s secondary school in terms of any apps they’re expected to have access to in the classroom?
I really haven’t seen any other reason why they need a smartphone in year 7 (or younger) or being specific, why they need a phone to be on anything other than capable of calls, messages and/or WhatsApp (and even that I don’t think young children can handle all the drama generated by that app).

It is, but it’s hardly surprising when you think of the amount of adults that use them to make their lives easier.

Wr arrange a lot of family get togethers on group chats, because it’s easier for us all to agree together than one person go backwards and forwards between everyone until we have a time/date that works.

I’m in a carshare group chat at work, which has been brilliant.

I have a group chat with some of the mams from my youngest dcs toddler groups etc. someone always pops in “we’ll be here”. You can go if you want, or not. But it’s more efficient than sending the same message 5 times.

Then there’s just a couple of daft ones allowing for us to chat together.

It stands to reason that if adults build our lives around convenience etc, children will obviously want to do the same.

You sound like a broken record. No, it is not essential, no you don't have to buy one , but it will make life harder not having one.

That's literally it. What more do you want?

Is this for real? Why would your 8/9 year old need an iPhone?

Everything is on an app. Home work. Timetable , dinner money, reports , everything.

my kids have to hand theirs in to their form tutor and they get it back at the end of the day, whether you like it or not, you’ll be creating a divide of your kid vs others if you don’t give into it.

Yes, I’m 100% that adult who finds phone apps make my life simpler, but I can regulate my phone use and I’m not dependent on it to validate my self worth, nor do I use it as a replacement for real life friendships or be scrolling constantly when I’m socialising with another human. But I’m an adult, I’ve done some growing up and I’ve had the freedom to make mistakes by myself and not have it plastered all over a WhatsApp group.

If there’s a solid reason why a smartphone is needed for the start of year 7, then so be it, but right now I’m at the point where I just can’t see why, other than for outside school hours…

A group of mum friends and I were talking about this yesterday. Absolutely agree with you, it's ridiculous. I also work in a school and see it all the time, drives me mad.

What's interesting in the schools near us is that the grammars and Ofsted outstanding schools ban them on the premises, those eight the same reputation are those pushing apps and the need for smart phones for homework