No phone for secondary school

[StillCreatingAName]

AIBU? I feel like I might be missing something obvious on this one, but honestly why do children need to take a smartphone to school? It’s baffling me as to why there appears to be parents on auto pilot buying their children smartphones (£££) now in year 6, ready for year 7 as though it’s part of a uniform policy (and then sharing their purchase on the class WhatsApp, give me strength).

Is this all just a fallout from lockdown times, people were sort of forced into screen life, so now there’s more children at secondary school with them, who may not have ordinarily had a phone until older?
I’m expecting dc to walk home with friends talking and socialising without the inclusion of a screen or mindlessly scrolling social media instead of listening to friends. I can see where a basic phone might be needed to contact home, but that doesn’t mean the phone should be out of school bag anytime during school hours should it, but maybe I’m just being naive, time will tell 🤷‍♀️?

AIBU to say children don’t need to get a £££ phone for starting secondary school? (It goes without saying they don’t need it at all for primary school, IMHO)?

Firstly, don’t make your kid the odd one out, which they will be if they go to secondary without a smart phone. Fitting in and finding your tribe in secondary school is hard enough. Also, school will use homework apps, attendance, communication and reward/behaviour apps. You can use Find My Phone etc to see their location, it’s worrying when a kid uses buses, long walk, etc initially. Phones can be used for payment instead of cash.

This technology is here to stay. Embrace it and use parental controls to avoid incorrect & over use.

My daughter walked home alone since y5 I needed to know she could contact me should anything happen. At that point she's had my old phone. She's just had her first new phone for her 12th birthday but it's nothing flashy. She travels on school bus or has to walk most of the way alone as none of her friends walk this way. She uses phone to ask me if she can go to friends house for example or stay in the park after school. She has no social media and we use family link to control her usage. She knows not to take her phone out at school.

There's no point in taking it to school it's locked away when they are in class and if they are found using it during the school day it is confiscated for a week in my sons school (year 9). He doesn't even take his to school. There's no point as it's just a risk If someone decides they are going to steal it on the way to or from school. Plus there's a chance if being hit by a car as they are like bloody zombies when they are looking at them and walking.

My kids don't have phones at school . 14 year old did take hers but I stopped allowing it when I realised she spent alot of time taking selfies and messaging others while in class.her grades and concentration improved alot so she won't be getting it back during school hours until she finishes year 11. They also leave them downstairs on a night at a certain time to stop distractions

I don't ascribe to the idea that restricting phones into the teen years is any sort of parenting virtue. We live in the world we live in. Phones are a part of our society.

Exactly the same way as cigarettes were an integral part of society in the 50/60s, Mad Men marketing them directly at young people. It was glamorous, cool and people smoked in all public places, people were addicted. Anyone who didn’t smoke was the strange one. Then the next generation started to give them up due to the harms and a whole industry around ‘giving up cigarettes’ was created.

Look at us now, phones in hand everywhere in society, adults and young people. Mad Men algorithms captivating the young. People sitting with each other, but not speaking to each other. People are on their phones everywhere, people are addicted. The harms have been proven. No, we can’t remove phones from society, but as parents we can prevent this next generation from being addicted and reliant on them.

I want to give my dc the chance to be in the next generation, not the strange one who isn’t smoking…

I started this thread because it was beginning to feel like it was mandatory to get a smartphone for year 7. A number of parents have been getting them for dc’s year 6 classmates to get their children used to being responsible for having one. There’s a class WhatsApp already (10 and 11 year olds) that spills out into playground chat, my dc said a couple of the girls have fallen out because of pictures posted on it, but dc isn’t bothered about not being on it. I pity the teachers who are having to deal with this during the day.

I’m actually feeling worse after starting this thread, because it seems like by only going for a basic phone I could potentially be causing more issues for my child in terms of bullying and being left out socially😒

Poll is at 45% / 55%

If only that reflected the number of children with smartphones and those without, I’d take any of those percentages because at least my dc wouldn’t be the only one 🤷‍♀️

The cold hard truth is that children will probably be disadvantaged if they don't get schooled up on new technology. They will have less interaction with their peers. Good on you though if you think a Mumsnet thread will reset the next generation's trajectory.

What if they use it for homework and other school use? Timetables etc?

I bought mine phones in year 6, so I could leave them alone with a way of contacting me. They are pay as you go, so they can only text or call when outside. They can only connect to the WiFi at home or in secondary school. It works well for us. It's useful. If my eldest is running late after school, she can message me to let me know. Also if she's having a bad day, she can message me to vent. It makes her feel better. My eldest also uses hers to access her time table and online homework.

Our school (grammar) uses phones in class for research - they don’t have a class computer or books. Teachers tell them to research xxxx on their phone. They also use it to access timetables (no printed copies given) emails about teacher absences and homework app. We realised in week 2 of year 7 that DS needed a phone with internet access simply to do the bare minimum at school.

Mine went to school by train. It was mainly used to explain why they hadn’t arrived at school. Or arrived home. In fact I think South Eastern should have paid my bill!

like this

Yes, I saved your post @TeenLifeMum for future reference! I particularly liked having a docking area in the home, like we used to do with the family phone.

I hate smart phones and wish they didn't exist but I do think DC's social life and friendship opportunities are curtailed by not having one. It's awful that this is the case, but that's the way it is.

DC is 11 and due to start High School in September. We live rurally and DC will be getting a bus to school supplied by them. This bus is frequently delayed (tractors, fallen trees, sheep in the road haha) and updates put on Facebook/Portal for parent's info. Signal can be hit and miss around here (particularly depending on networks!) that really, being able to contact or find my child is priority. However, DC needs frequent reminding to carry their phone (in preparation) as really, they have no other use for it 🙄 they're not interested in WhatsApp (they occasionally will message us if we're putting other children to bed and want permission, so as not to interrupt. DC's phone is an old phone since our upgrade (not purchased specifically) and is on a £9 monthly plan that we pay - when they start school, they will be expected to 'earn' the cost as its inevitable they will utilise the data whilst waiting for the bus/during transit. We also intend on strict boundaries of home use.

As far as I'm aware so far, their school require phones turned off and kept in their bags during the while school day unless permission is given. Parent's are told if need to contact their child in the day, to contact their head of year and messages will be passed on. Nothing yet has been said about children needing a phone BUT it is assumed children will have one particularly of have to travel further to school.

I was one of the first kids in my secondary school to have a phone (not the ever popular Nokia!) purely because I had to travel by bus and train to school (was a more local school but parent's deemed a school over 10 miles away as more suitable 🙄) so had a point of contact.

Mandatory? No. Useful? Yes. I'd expect that if a requirement by school, that they would have a loan system for those whom haven't the ability to access a phone purely for school related needs? 🤔

A student at a university near me was killed a few years ago after stepping in front of a car whilst looking at her phone -very sad and so unnecessary.

My kids were allowed to have a phone once they started secondary. I’m glad they did as there were occasions when there were problems coming home due to train issues or something else etc. At twelve/thirteen I’d have been worried if they were over an hour late without any explanation. Their school was in a different town so not a five or ten minute walk away.

I drummed it in to my kids to be aware of their surroundings as this used to worry me.

I work in a secondary school and most children do have a smartphone because they need them for homework etc, but they can also use the same apps on laptops and the schools computers. With the new government rules put in place, (https://www.gov.uk/government/news/government-launches-crackdown-on-mobile-phones-in-schools) it shouldn't really matter if children have phones, or what ones they have as they can't be seen. If you do want to get your child a phone that’s not a smart phone, I would just get them one they can call from. My children started school in 2015, and that’s all they had for years. Smartphones are more trouble than they’re worth at that age.

Surely that's the school's problem to solve.

It's not an obligation for your child to have a phone.

You can print timetables and ask homework to be emailed or printed. Or in some schools they provide tablets.

If they’re really expecting that then they’re not following DofE guidance.

What new technology?

I don't know any adults who didn't learn how to use their latest smartphone within about 5 minutes.

Even if they were disadvantaged, the damage phones and social media can do to preteens and teens' brains grossly outweighs this IMO.

Fair enough, but you don't need a smartphone to do this.

i wish they had a younger person's version of what's app, that was restricted to communicstion between people who have added each other.

Apart from this on the parental controls can be pretty granular, so that a smart phone doesn't have to be a social media phone. limiting apps and websites is fine for a younger child. And limiting isn't always about saying no. it is also about having a conversation first.

what's app is the exception though, it is so thoroughly embedded that is is kind of necessary and once it is on the phone, then all the group chat things are available and irresistible.

You have to stop and think when people tall about fear of missing out. these platforms are designed by clever people to create dependency and desire, to get you on it loads. (like I am now with AIBU). Of course dc's will feel they are missing out. don't make it right though