Neither parent wants to live with their child fulltime what happens?

[WhatWillHappenToTheDC]

It’s a relatives child.

The DC is 10. Has lived with the RP, their mother alone since they were 2. Seeing NRP Father for 2 nights EOWend and half the school holidays.

NRP agreed to have DC over Easter Holidays fulltime so RP could have some work done on the house.

RP has now said they do not want DC home and want to trial a switch of residency for awhile or wants to do 50/50 arrangement. NRP also does not want DC fulltime and wants to go back to previous arrangement.

Social Services are involved now due to the arguments and DCs school reporting it, but what will happen if neither parent wants to live with their child full time? Is there some sort of foster care where parents can still see DC?

I can't put myself forward to have the child as I live too far from them. Parents live around 7 miles from each other.

I've been a parent for 30 years, and was a lone parent for a decade of that. Sometimes it was fine, sometimes it was exhausting. It depended on on whether I was working long hours in a tough job or not, whether my children were well and did or did not have health or behavioural challenges. Whether I was combining it with care for my elderly parents or dealing with our bereavement after their deaths, how good my own health was, whether I had supportive people in my life. There's no one size fits all. If the woman says she's exhausted, I'm not arguing with her based on the age of her child and nothing else.

Poor child 😥😥 what an awful situation.

For social services to be involved, the arguments must have been horrendous 😳

Frankly, both parents need to get a bloody grip! Both sound beyond selfish!

I know you are unable to have the child but are there any other relatives who can step in?

She hasn't said that though. You said that.

This, this thread is fucking heart breaking, seriously are there people out there who think social Work Foster care is an option for shared care?!! The fact that any of them is considering it is appalling. There's a family local to me who have just lost a Same aged child to childhood cancer, the fact these two shitty parents are fighting over who doesn't get to care for their little boy?!! Horrendous.if it was my family I'd never associate with them again.

This is so sad, that poor child 😔

I sort of 'get' what the mum is trying to accomplish, she's trying to force the dad to step up and share parenting, truly 'co-parent'. But you can't force someone to parent if they don't want to. The law won't make them, society doesn't make them. So what she's doing is an exercise in futility.

I don't think for one second she'll send her child in to foster care. She's just hoping against hope that he realizes he's not doing his fair share, but I give that a snowball's chance in hell. He'll balk, she'll cave. 'Twas ever thus.

Mum is using the child to point score? Gross.

they would have to hand over responsibility to social services which would mean future living are determined by social services. Mom would have to prove herself.

What a disgusting set of parents that poor kid got stuck with.

As someone said upthread the child's needs trump the parents! The pair of them need to stop being so selfish.

Nope. She doesn’t “love him more than anything in the world” as she is making him feel unwanted and highlighting that his own father cba being a parent. It’s her job to protect her son from that shit- not shove him towards it! This is coming from a previously single mum whose kids dad left literally as he “didn’t want to be a dad”… he had the kids maybe twice a year when his parents took them all away, paid minimal CSA money (pretended he was unemployed etc)… so yeah I know what it feels like to be the one doing everything and that was with two kids. But I would never ever have made the choices she has- they weren’t a burden to be offloaded.
I would be disgusted with this behaviour from any relative.

oh ok thanks for putting us all straight . I’ll remember this next time I’m totally burnt out and ready to demand my reluctant DP take the kids off my hands for a while so I can work/ do life admin/ clean/ tidy/ cook/ rest.
Instead of asking for a desperately needed break, I’ll remind myself I’m a shitty parent and a despicable person and attempt to soldier on…

PS OP clarified the communication about this between the parents was over email and not in front of kid.

Ten?! Ffs

You're quite right. The OP said she's 'under a hell of a lot of pressure' barely sees her child due to her work hours and has a physical health condition. Absolutely nothing there to suggest the woman may be tired in the slightest. I just made it up.

Do you honestly think that it'll have reached the level of involving ss and the school also having concerns that the child won't know about all this shit?

Eh? You can’t just “not want” your own child because the dad is shit? What if the dad wasn’t around because he died? She’s not a child, you don’t get to just stomp your feet and say it’s not fair. So what the dad is taking the easy life? Well that sucks sure, bitch about it. Feel resentful. Don’t abandon your kid

''Mum thinks there should be more contact between the child and father and feels like she does everything for said child while father gets all the fun so she either wants a switch for awhile or 50/50 so it's more fair.
^^
Dad wants to keep the status quo and stick with previous arrangement of Every Other Weekend for 2 nights.''

My Goodness, this is appalling.

The parents are not worthy of the title ''Parent''.

Poor child.

Both parents sound selfish arseholes.

Step up and be a PARENT.

Whatever.

I have an absolutely terrible ex-husband who disappears for years (despite living in the same city as us) and has never paid any maintenance since my daughter was a baby (she is now 14). I work full time and do everything for my daughter. It would never even enter my head to send her away to her useless father to teach him a lesson or "make him step up". I love my daughter more than anything and she's not a piece of property to pass around when I'm tired.

Mother is just as shit as father.

Yeah, because asking your partner to take the kids out for an hour or two is exactly the same as neither parent wanting to live with the child.

And whether or not the arguments have taken place in front of the child or not, the mother has decided that she wants her child to spend half of the week, every week, with a parent who has made it abundantly clear that he doesn't want them. Would you be happy with that for your children?

Also, does social services get involved when you ask your "reluctant" partner to look after his kids for a couple of hours? Thought not.

No they bloody won't. The parents will need to sort their lives out and look after their child.

It sounds like the mother thinks she can bluff her way into getting dad to step up. I suspect Dad will call her bluff and hand the child to SS which will force the mother to back down.

Resident parent, I think. The one the child lives with

Hm, yes except earlier you didn’t say that she wants 50/50 so she can see her child more, you said it was because she feels she does everything for them and it’s unfair that dad gets “all the fun”. Sounds more like she has had enough parenting and wants a break. Is this child particularly hard work?

"Parent" is not a title.

Parents are ordinary people who try their best, mostly.

You don't know what does on in the mother's life and while the situation is awful for the child involved it's only an arsehole would judge.

Wow, both parents are shits in this situation.

Im a single parent and have an 8 year old and 10 year old with significant SEN and I work full time.

Their dad doesn’t do much I’m lucky if he consistently sees them EOW for 6 months in a row to be honest and my closest family member is a 3 hour round trip away. So I have very little sympathy to mums ‘stress’ to be honest.
It sounds like run of the mill parenting to me.

Children aren’t hobbies that you can dip in and out of. Surely they both thought when they were having this child ‘what happens if I end up as a single parent?’

I think both parents need to grow the fuck up before they cause this poor child long term damage

I want to slap those parents with a *fluffy cushion

That's all I have to say.

They both need to get a grip and realise what absolute pair of *lovely human beings they are.

*Words used may not be the true reflection of actual thoughts. Actual thoughts may get account deleted.

Same here.

My ex husband was hopeless ,I asked my solicitor about a court making him see son more, and solicitor said no court would ever force a parent to see a child.

It's deeply hurtful for children.

The mother here IF she truly loved her child wouldn't be wanting to foist him off with Dad.

It's annoying when a parent won't see the child - but that's life for a lot of divorced parents.