Page 9 | In laws and baby's first steps

Timeforsomecoffee · 2024-04-08T11:27:44+00:00

First of all, there is a huge back story anyway. But my question is, if you were a mil/fil, would you have done this? Baby close to taking his first steps but hadn't done it yet. Mil and fil had been banging on for ages about how we needed to get him walking, he should be walking by now bla bla bla. Doing the arm dangling thing every time we saw them. Baby was 13 months and standing independently so well on track with his development. On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 10/04/2024 10:58

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 08/04/2024 12:45

I am a GP . My first GC took their first steps with us while we had them for childcare . When we took them home I must have "forgotten" to mention it as later that eve I got a little video sent to me of GC walking " for the first time " . . It's not about them being in laws, ( i am a MIL too ), it's about them actively trying to take experiences away from you .

THIS is how to be a grandparent 👏

DappledThings · 10/04/2024 11:00

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 10/04/2024 10:58

THIS is how to be a grandparent 👏

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Nah, still patronising and weird.

DappledThings · 10/04/2024 11:01

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 10/04/2024 10:58

THIS is how to be a grandparent 👏

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Nah, still patronising and weird.

BIossomtoes · 10/04/2024 11:01

I didn’t see mine walk for the first time. I can’t even remember how old they were now.

Pottedpalm · 10/04/2024 11:10

YaMuvva · 10/04/2024 10:13

No I wouldn’t do that.

Surely the joy of being grandparents is that you don’t have to be the ones to worry about the developmental shit that you do when you’re a parent? You get to see the baby and just do the fun stuff and not the learning stuff.

I remember panicking because at 15mo DD still wasn’t even crawling (she actually walked before she crawled). Her talking was amazing and she could say small sentences but she just sat there like a potato and bum shuffled as a means of getting about. I was so stressed about it, and then one day she just started strutting around like she’d been doing it all her life 🤣 but when I’m a GP I’ll be relieved that won’t be something for me to stress about anymore!

Edited

Come back when you are a GP and tell us how that’s going.

MaryFuckingFerguson · 10/04/2024 11:14

I couldn’t get worked up over this.

PampasGrass · 10/04/2024 11:21

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 08/04/2024 12:45

I am a GP . My first GC took their first steps with us while we had them for childcare . When we took them home I must have "forgotten" to mention it as later that eve I got a little video sent to me of GC walking " for the first time " . . It's not about them being in laws, ( i am a MIL too ), it's about them actively trying to take experiences away from you .

You sound really lovely and considerate!

PampasGrass · 10/04/2024 11:26

I bet your baby didn’t even walk they just stuck his feet on the ground leaning back and pushed him to the other and he fell.

It is a totally shitty move and most loving grandparents would keep their mouth shut and repeat what they did when you came out. They rushed to do this when you weren’t there as they are arseholes

But the rest of the stuff would do my absolute head in and I would have to reduce the contact. You don’t owe them anything for being relatives and if they were general members of the public you would no longer see them.

ByUmberViewer · 10/04/2024 11:37

Another grandma here - i'm pretty sure my grandson took his first steps when he was staying with me one night - did I tell his parents? Did i bollocks, thats their moment.

It's completely arseolian for them to do what they did OP>

Kaycee0105 · 10/04/2024 11:45

queenmeadhbh · 08/04/2024 21:47

Also, it is withholding information. My son was quite late to walk so I was considering asking the GP to review him. If he had in fact taken some steps when I thought he hadn’t, that’s important information.

in fact now I’m wondering if he did walk at nursery first and they didn’t mention it.

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As a nursery nurse we don’t as a rule tell parents if they have taken their first steps. We might say we think they’re close to it, have been standing for long periods etc. These conversations will either prompt a parent to say oh yeah I meant to say they took a few steps last night or be excited that they might witness their child’s first steps soon. If you have concerns about your child’s development I would think you would be sharing them with the nursery staff. My own daughter didn’t walk until 22 months however I shared my concerns with the nursery and they knew about the doctors/ hospital appointments

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2024 11:48

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 08/04/2024 12:35

That's a shitty thing to do.

In my pettiness I would tell them it wasn't his first step actually.

My mother (now nc) would do things like this when my oldest was a baby, I would leave the room for 30 seconds and he miraculously had his first roll, or laugh or whatever, she was bullshitting, but she took great pride in feeling like she took an experience away from me.

His first step with you is the one you'll remember anyways, whether he teeters between two adults pushing him to do it or not, you're his mum, and the stuff he does with you is the stuff that matters.

They know that and that's why they are trying to insert themselves into these important moments, but they can't take anything away from you, or your relationship with your boy.

Edited

In my pettiness I would tell them it wasn't his first step actually.

Same here.

I also think they are either lying through their teeth, or they've stood him up and he's staggered between the two of them as he's lost his balance, and grabbed at one of them panic to stay upright..

Whether it was true or not, it was a mean thing to say/do. They are arseholes.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/04/2024 11:49

DappledThings · 10/04/2024 11:01

Nah, still patronising and weird.

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She didn’t mention that the child had walked, and went along with the video because she’s kind and understood that this was the parents’ moment, and didn’t want to take it away from them. Unfortunately that kind of empathy and kindness is getting rarer and rarer on MN, so maybe you mistaking it for patronising weirdness is understandable.

RazzlePuff · 10/04/2024 11:50

Not a big deal, get over it. Celebrate the first steps w in-laws and make it a happy moment for everyone.

Weird to think you want to hold your CHILD back developmentally, so you can be fulfilled.

it’s not about you, it’s about your child.

crumblingschools · 10/04/2024 11:51

@RazzlePuff have you read what the in-laws are like?

DappledThings · 10/04/2024 11:54

Rosscameasdoody · 10/04/2024 11:49

She didn’t mention that the child had walked, and went along with the video because she’s kind and understood that this was the parents’ moment, and didn’t want to take it away from them. Unfortunately that kind of empathy and kindness is getting rarer and rarer on MN, so maybe you mistaking it for patronising weirdness is understandable.

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No, I'm just adult enough to be excited my child walked more than prioritising it having to be me that saw it first. And I expect other adults to treat me that way too.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2024 11:59

Didimum · 10/04/2024 07:47

No. Almost all babies who go to nursery will take their first steps there since it’s when they are most active during the day and have the encouragement and stimulation of multiple adults and multiple walking children. The nursery have a duty to report development to the parents.

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I'd have thought it would be the reverse.

For instance, if the child ISN'T meeting expected developmental milestones, it might be appropriate to mention it, because it may mean it needs checking When a child has met one, by all means make a note of it in the child's record, but leave the exciting moment to mam and dad.

She spent an hour trying to get him to pull himself up in his crib to no avail (even though I’d caught him trying to do it a couple of times previously) but she would exclaim things like “Look he can do it when he’s just given a bit of space!”

Oh shit! I did an intensive clapping bootcamp with my DGS - my DIL kindly let me get on with it. We were singing a lot of songs and clapping out the rhythm. Now I am consumed with guilt.

However, first step, first real word etc - those aren't mine - they're mam and dad's

phoenixrosehere · 10/04/2024 11:59

IDontOftenComment · 10/04/2024 10:15

Oh dear in laws in trouble again!
What if it had been your own parents or a friend would you still be complaining?
Why take it as an insult, you could just be thrilled to bits and be happy with them.

Bet it would be the same if there were a backstory of negativity regardless on who it is.

Not sure why posters assume it wouldn’t be the same, blood-related or not.

twattydogshavetwattypeople · 10/04/2024 12:01

Almost all children will learn to walk. It really doesn't matter whether they do it a few weeks earlier or later than their contemporaries and it doesn't matter who is around at the time.

lanthanum · 10/04/2024 12:01

ParsonsPont · 08/04/2024 12:52

That is so kind of you. And very thoughtful too. I’m pretty sure that DS had his first steps at nursery and they never told us. His first steps with us consisted of suddenly walking a meter. We were so stunned…and then a few months later I remembered that nursery asked me very randomly a few days before he walked if he’s taken any steps yet.

I’ve not told DH I suspect he was already walking before we first saw it, but I’m so grateful for nursery for letting us think we had that experience.

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I agree - really thoughtful, and perhaps it's something nurseries should adopt as policy.
Walking a metre the first time might be genuine - I'm pretty sure my DD did. (She waited to walk until her dad was away for work - sometimes missing firsts just can't be helped.)

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2024 12:02

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Emotionalsupportviper · 10/04/2024 12:13

Pottedpalm · 10/04/2024 06:26

@Couldntthinkofausername24 So disgusting. You must have a very limited vocabulary.

I'll bet she hasn't.

I'll bet @Couldntthinkofausername24 knows LOADS of Really Bad Swears.

I do myself. If you fancy a bit of Bad Language Training I will be happy to start a course "Swearing Like A Docker" for beginners, if there is enough demand.

Let me know.

RheaRend · 10/04/2024 12:16

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 08/04/2024 12:38

All 3 of mine took their first steps at nursery. I’ll be honest - this is not something I would get worked up about, but it seems from the first few posts I’m in the minority!

I used to work in a nursery and we never shared that with parents if they took their first steps with us. We just let them share the good news a few days later. We didn't see the point of spoiling that moment for the parents.

ohpumpkinseeds · 10/04/2024 12:18

Aw I can see why you're upset, it can feel horrible to miss a milestone moment sometimes. However, I have found with my kids that it didn't TRULY happen unless Mum was there to see it

Agree with PP that my nursery were great with both mine, and told me when the babies started that if they started to walk did I want to know or not.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/04/2024 12:21

DappledThings · 10/04/2024 11:54

No, I'm just adult enough to be excited my child walked more than prioritising it having to be me that saw it first. And I expect other adults to treat me that way too.

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I agree - it’s when the other adults are interfering, opinionated arseholes that the problems start. But my point was that seeing a kindness towards someone you know well as patronising and weird is, well……..weird. Sorry !!

DappledThings · 10/04/2024 12:26

Rosscameasdoody · 10/04/2024 12:21

I agree - it’s when the other adults are interfering, opinionated arseholes that the problems start. But my point was that seeing a kindness towards someone you know well as patronising and weird is, well……..weird. Sorry !!

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I don't see it as a kindness, that's the difference. Going in the other direction (parent to grandparent) it's in the same vein for me as making a massive fuss about announcing a pregnancy.

I just told my parents I was pregnant because I knew that was exciting enough by itself. I didn't need a special video or personalised card or framed scan photo or whatever else people faff about with. It would have felt like I was patronising my parents by thinking they needed extra cues just to be excited. Same thing, I don't need to see something to be excited about it and would feel patronised if someone thought I did.