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AIBU?

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Original poster

In laws and baby's first steps

364 replies

Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 12:27

First of all, there is a huge back story anyway.

But my question is, if you were a mil/fil, would you have done this?

Baby close to taking his first steps but hadn't done it yet. Mil and fil had been banging on for ages about how we needed to get him walking, he should be walking by now bla bla bla. Doing the arm dangling thing every time we saw them.

Baby was 13 months and standing independently so well on track with his development.

On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 08/04/2024 12:55

Well unless they have superpowers, it was just a coincidence that the baby walked at that point.

GoodnightAdeline · 08/04/2024 12:56

Why are so many grandparents like this? Utterly egotistical and domineering? It’s not about the baby’s development it’s about them - feeling they were ‘having’ the ‘first steps memory’ and that it was their encouragement that meant the baby did it. They should fuck off

GoodnightAdeline · 08/04/2024 12:56

Why are so many grandparents like this? Utterly egotistical and domineering? It’s not about the baby’s development it’s about them - feeling they were ‘having’ the ‘first steps memory’ and that it was their encouragement that meant the baby did it. They should fuck off

GoodnightAdeline · 08/04/2024 12:56

Why are so many grandparents like this? Utterly egotistical and domineering? It’s not about the baby’s development it’s about them - feeling they were ‘having’ the ‘first steps memory’ and that it was their encouragement that meant the baby did it. They should fuck off

starrynight47 · 08/04/2024 12:58

I would just say " oh I forgot to tell you, DC took a couple of steps yesterday - sorry you missed it ! Oh well never mind".

KoolKookaburra · 08/04/2024 12:58

The correct etiquette is to say ooooh keep an eye on them I think they'll be walking soon!

KoolKookaburra · 08/04/2024 12:59

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 08/04/2024 12:55

I think that's rotten of them. I look after my grandsons and dgs1 took his first steps at my house. I never let on and when DD told me he was walking I was delighted for her and dgs1. It's such a pleasure when your baby begins walking. Why would you take that away from a parent?

That's the way to do it. You're classy af

KoolKookaburra · 08/04/2024 13:00

ParsonsPont · 08/04/2024 12:52

That is so kind of you. And very thoughtful too. I’m pretty sure that DS had his first steps at nursery and they never told us. His first steps with us consisted of suddenly walking a meter. We were so stunned…and then a few months later I remembered that nursery asked me very randomly a few days before he walked if he’s taken any steps yet.

I’ve not told DH I suspect he was already walking before we first saw it, but I’m so grateful for nursery for letting us think we had that experience.

Show quote history

Yup that's the way to do it

CurlewKate · 08/04/2024 13:00

My dd walked first while her teenage cousins were playing with her-coaxing her to walk between them. It never crossed my mind til this moment that I should have been angry or resentful or think they were egotistical or domineering. I suppose I now have to somehow vent 20 years of vitriol onto them....

piglet81 · 08/04/2024 13:04

KoolKookaburra · 08/04/2024 12:58

The correct etiquette is to say ooooh keep an eye on them I think they'll be walking soon!

Yes, this was what our nursery did - at the time I was clueless and didn’t realise it probably meant DS had already taken his first steps at nursery, but now I’m really grateful that they were so tactful about it.

piglet81 · 08/04/2024 13:04

KoolKookaburra · 08/04/2024 12:58

The correct etiquette is to say ooooh keep an eye on them I think they'll be walking soon!

Yes, this was what our nursery did - at the time I was clueless and didn’t realise it probably meant DS had already taken his first steps at nursery, but now I’m really grateful that they were so tactful about it.

piglet81 · 08/04/2024 13:04

KoolKookaburra · 08/04/2024 12:58

The correct etiquette is to say ooooh keep an eye on them I think they'll be walking soon!

Yes, this was what our nursery did - at the time I was clueless and didn’t realise it probably meant DS had already taken his first steps at nursery, but now I’m really grateful that they were so tactful about it.

InlikealionOutlikeahare · 08/04/2024 13:05

I had similar with my sibling. They were walking dd along holding her hands (as you do) let go and the momentum kept her going a step or two, as had happened before. Sibling smugly pointed out dd had taken her first steps with her. Same sibling couldn't bear me to have / do anything she didn't have / hadn't done and does not like the fact I have the only grandchild. I knew if I said anything I'd get moaned at but, quite frankly, I don't consider that dd took her fist steps until a week after this when she let go of the table she was holding on to and actually walked of her own accord.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 08/04/2024 13:11

@KoolKookaburra lol, thank you. There has been many a time I sooo wanted to give advice but kept my mouth firmly shut! However my daughter is an awesome mother and I tell her that frequently.

Original poster
Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 13:12

I get that it wouldn't bother some people. I also get that sometimes a baby will take their first steps at nursery, or with someone looking after them.

If it was me I'd have kept quiet.

Like I say they kept constantly saying he should be walking/we need to get him walking and they'd been going on and on since he was 9 months.

Part of a much bigger picture so perhaps on its own it doesn't seem significant.

OP posts:
FlyingHighFlyingLow · 08/04/2024 13:13

Depends whether you think their intent was malicious or just they're a bit dim that it would upset you. My DH is back at work. My son does things while he's at work or out the room. I don't hide it from him, I try to send him a video. I have to go back to work when he's 9 months. I'm sure he will likely, crawl, cruise, walk etc first at nursery. I'd love to see it but that's what happens. I'll hopefully have a lifetime of his firsts and a lifetime of love with him. As long as you don't think it was 'lets try get him to walk while OP is out of the room' and just them being excited let them have it. They can have his 'first steps' even if they're likely talking out of their arses and he just toppled. You'll be the one dropping him off for first day of school, taking him to university if he decides to go, be at his side at his wedding, first on your side to meet his children. They may not even be around for some of those events, and they're the ones that will actually matter and be remembered by your son.

Lavender14 · 08/04/2024 13:15

My in laws saw ds take some steps and didn't tell us because they thought it was his first ones, until we mentioned later on that he'd taken a few the day before. I know you can't control these things and it's only natural they'll be excited but it's still not an empathetic thing to do, they could at least have waited for you. Especially if there's a backstory of them being difficult then I totally see why you'd be upset.

Original poster
Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 13:16

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 08/04/2024 12:45

I am a GP . My first GC took their first steps with us while we had them for childcare . When we took them home I must have "forgotten" to mention it as later that eve I got a little video sent to me of GC walking " for the first time " . . It's not about them being in laws, ( i am a MIL too ), it's about them actively trying to take experiences away from you .

This is really lovely and tactful.

OP posts:
TrudyProud · 08/04/2024 13:27

It's frustrating but in the grand scheme there are so many other 1sts. I say this as someone who was on the tube on the way home from the office when my daughter took her 1st steps.

My mum immediately called me to tell me the exciting news 🙄. I was annoyed but got over it.

TrudyProud · 08/04/2024 13:44

It's frustrating but in the grand scheme there are so many other 1sts. I say this as someone who was on the tube on the way home from the office when my daughter took her 1st steps.

My mum immediately called me to tell me the exciting news 🙄. I was annoyed but got over it.

JMSA · 08/04/2024 13:55

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 08/04/2024 12:38

All 3 of mine took their first steps at nursery. I’ll be honest - this is not something I would get worked up about, but it seems from the first few posts I’m in the minority!

Same!

Cornishclio · 08/04/2024 13:58

I am a GM and if that had happened I wouldn't have said anything. Not sure why some people are always trying to rush kids on development. They do it in their own time.

CurlewKate · 08/04/2024 14:00

I do think that a lot of this depends on how you think about family. I am as far from a "my little family" person as it's possible to be, and I love that my dd took her first steps with her teenage cousins. They loved it-and it makes a lovely link between them. And, crucially, it didn't take anything away from me. I would have hated to have been lied to about it. There are a TON of milestones to share round!

Rosesanddaisies1 · 08/04/2024 14:02

hedgehoglurker · 08/04/2024 12:43

TBH, I think many people would be encouraging a baby at 13 months, so I don't see an issue.

This. YABU. They'll take many more steps you'll get to see!

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 08/04/2024 14:03

A lot of people have mentioned about children taking their first steps whilst in childcare. I remember saying to my childminder, if 'firsts' happened to mine whilst with her then please don't tell me (whilst laughing) and she replied (smiling) that it's a rule of hers to not tell parents about any firsts like walking or words! She is wonderful though!
Your in-laws are arseholes.