In laws and baby's first steps

[Timeforsomecoffee]

First of all, there is a huge back story anyway.

But my question is, if you were a mil/fil, would you have done this?

Baby close to taking his first steps but hadn't done it yet. Mil and fil had been banging on for ages about how we needed to get him walking, he should be walking by now bla bla bla. Doing the arm dangling thing every time we saw them.

Baby was 13 months and standing independently so well on track with his development.

On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

The baby wasn't ready to walk at 9 months. Fil was obsessed with him walking because apparently HE (Fil) was walking and fully toilet trained at 9 months.

Weirdly though dh didn't walk until 14 months (normal) and sil didn't walk until 20 months. Or do the story goes.

How bizarre!!! I honestly had no idea this was a thing, and genuinely find it ridiculous. As a pp said this is important information about a child’s development, which could impact health referrals etc. What other stuff are nurseries supposed to keep from parents in case they get their feelings hurt ? Or is it just walking?

Not really seeing the issue.

If you’ve read any of the other responses this would already be clear. Unless it’s a comprehension issue on your part.

Very obviously it all hangs on what sort of relationship the person has with their PIL. If it’s a good one and the in-laws appear genuinely happy about the steps rather than the fact that it was in front of them there wouldn’t be an issue.

There is no right way to teach a child to walk. Your implication that the PIL did something special while OP wasn’t in the room is frankly moronic.

presumably you are either one of this woman’s parents in law or you are someone else’s overbearing and tactless PIL. The only other potential explanation is the stunting of your comprehension skills and emotional intelligence.

My MIL does things like this too. She spent an hour trying to get him to pull himself up in his crib to no avail (even though I’d caught him trying to do it a couple of times previously) but she would exclaim things like “Look he can do it when he’s just given a bit of space!” Implying I somehow don’t give him the opportunity to move at all??? He’s wanted to walk so much more than crawl but recently he’s started using his hands to move more whereas for about 3 months I spent probably 6 hours a day keeping him upright in some way because he’d rather do that than be on his tummy. 🫠 I’m guessing that’s the space I don’t give him as if my arms wanted to hold him up constantly 🙄 Anyway, he’d been building up to it for about a week and did it a week later anyway completely on his own randomly.

I haven’t pressured him to crawl but when he did manage to get from one side of the room to the other, I sent him a video of him in the family chat and it was “omg a one knee crawl!”. As if it wasn’t a proper valid crawl because he had a funny little shuffle going Again he did it on his own too without pressure.

My baby is only 8 months old and there’s so much pressure, he’s already pretty ahead?! And I spend literally 24 hours a day with him. I wonder what she thinks I’m doing with him if not giving him opportunities to thrive at his own pace all day? 🤦‍♀️

My friend’s baby took his first steps when I was babysitting. I never have told her because I’m not a mean killjoy.

Just to add, I have an otherwise great relationship with my MIL. I think her intentions are good and she just wants to be there but it irks me because a) there’s literally no need to pressure him, he’s constantly on the move anyway and b) I care for DS 95% of the time at the moment with little to no help so yeah, I get to see his firsts thank youuuuu

@CoddledAsAMommet "because I am not a knob " - Do you know what - I believe you 💐. All best

Why are in-laws such cunts.

This is 1000000% something my mother in law would do.

My nursery asked me when my son first started if I wanted to know any of this stuff. I said no. I would be absolutely devastated if I knee I had missed it

I’d be irritated, honestly. Doubt I’d make a big deal about it, but it would grate.

Once upon a time I worked as an administrator for a private nursery/reception. The unofficial policy was that first steps & words didn’t happen at school - parents just didn’t need to know they’d missed a big milestone (absent a specific developmental concern, obviously). That rule has stuck around in my brain & if I caught friend or relatives’ baby’s first steps without the parents there I’d keep my mouth shut.

@Couldntthinkofausername24 So disgusting. You must have a very limited vocabulary.

Some huge over reactions here.
Wouldn't bother me. My eldest honoured my Mum and the cat with her first steps. I was just proud of her.

I’d be cross that they were forcing the baby to do something before he was ready! Your FIL would have been apoplectic at my pair who didn’t walk until 16 and 18 months respectively. Both now play sports at a high level.

Your PILs are ridiculous. I think smiling sweetly and changing the subject is the way forward.

My nursery wouldn't tell parents if babies started to walk in nursery, they would wait for parents for to tell them, and I'm assuming "act" surprised if they had in fact seen them walk before. For PIL to do this on purpose would also not sit right with me. Do they have form for wanting the spotlight/being intrusive in your lives?
I second a pp I would have said 'oh yes he did that yesterday sorry forgot to tell you.'

I would be annoyed, especially if you've all been making a big deal about how close he is and it could happen any day - obviously, you would want to be there.

They should have been more thoughtful, but I doubt they did it to spite you, they just didn't think.

My daughter did the first steps in my MIL house and they made a video for me as I was working. I didn't give it much importance because she did the second, third etc with me. However you were just in toilet, why they couldn't wait for you to be there? What is the point of doing it in a sneaky way?
I don't really get it why they didn't wait for you. They sound OTT.

You’re allowed to swear on here. If you’re offended by it I think Netmums might not allow swearing.

OP it seems important now but it wont be so important in time because your child will have many other firsts and important events. I don’t know if I’m weird but I genuinely can’t remember any of the ‘firsts’ for my kids. I remember all the stuff around that.

Mother in law......is that you?

You're overthinking this or over reacting because of general relationship with them. My mum did same with my eldest didn't think twice about it but had my MIL done same it would have irritated me (she wouldn't have as she's too lazy). I'd certainly not want to be patronised and lied to as some seem to be suggesting is the way to be 🙄

No. Almost all babies who go to nursery will take their first steps there since it’s when they are most active during the day and have the encouragement and stimulation of multiple adults and multiple walking children. The nursery have a duty to report development to the parents.

🤣🤣🤣 I think she is my mother in law I described

Actually totally shocked by the lies. A nursery would not report this??!!! Really when they are supposed to report every little detail (they don't it's made up half the time) but seriously you are all applauding lying by omission re developmental milestones.........ok

Course he was 😂 so he’s prone to lying, and you didn’t witness baby walking? I’d be inclined to believe it didn’t happen anyway!
If it did, it’s just such a wanky move to boast to you that the first steps happened without you there. I was babysitting my niece when she was wee and she took her first steps with me, while her mum wasn’t there. I had a sudden bout of short term memory loss, meaning I just clean forgot anything had happened at all when her mum picked her up. They saw her real first steps a day or two later and were over the moon. It’s just the kind thing to do!