In laws and baby's first steps

[Timeforsomecoffee]

First of all, there is a huge back story anyway.

But my question is, if you were a mil/fil, would you have done this?

Baby close to taking his first steps but hadn't done it yet. Mil and fil had been banging on for ages about how we needed to get him walking, he should be walking by now bla bla bla. Doing the arm dangling thing every time we saw them.

Baby was 13 months and standing independently so well on track with his development.

On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

That is very poor form

Most decent nurseries have the mantra that a child never takes their first steps at nursery

I find that absolutely bonkers. I was clear with our nursery staff I wanted to know if either of mine did anything new. Whether or not they took their actual first steps with someone else it would still be the first time I saw them.

I would have felt massively patronised if I thought staff were lying to me. Even more so if it was my own parents or PIL.

I had read online nursery staff are trained to do this. I assumed it was a joke but glad I did read it so just in case it wasn't a joke I was able to tell them not to do it with me.

You say that your PILs are convinced that their way of doing things is right, but TBH they had your child walking (to whatever degree) while you were in the loo for 5 minutes. So maybe in this instance they were right?

I honestly have no words for what a stupid post this is.

Do you just hang around trying to wind people up or are you my mil?

I think it boils down to intention.
Were they just .. encouraging their grandchild to walk between the 2 of them..? Because that sounds really normal to me! I think everyone does that to a child when they're at that stage. Perhaps your child took their first step, maybe they didn't. It's nice that they were so excited to be involved though and happy for your son! It's better than having in laws that are ignoring your child when you leave the room!

Or they were trying to get a rise out of you and are just making comments to be spiteful. I don't know them or how they said it 😅

What?? How were the nursery to know it was their first steps? should a nursery not tell a parent anything a child has done in case they hadn’t done it at home first?

honestly I am baffled by people’s desire to “experience” these things directly. I care about my child developing and learning and growing - I don’t care about me witnessing any firsts because it’s not about me.

Oh dear lord. Maybe he did take his first steps and they were excited about it?! Were they supposed to keep it a secret? Personally I’d like to know !

Same.
baffled. I’d be furious if the nursery kept info about my child’s development from me in case they were worried I’d be upset about “missing out”. 🥴

You can be furious but it's well known that nursery staff don't mention it.

I know quite a few nursery workers and it's an unwritten rule.

It's hardly withholding important information. You will be well aware if your child is about to walk.

I can't honestly believe you're baffled.

That's shitty of them.

If you see a child take their first steps, you don't tell the parent!

But how do they know when they’re allowed to talk about it? Are they waiting for me to tell them he’s taken his first steps? What if I don’t tell them! We end up playing this game of weird chicken?! 🤣😂

i have never ever ever heard of this rule. So I don’t know how well known it can be.

I am genuinely baffled that this is a thing. I did think it was a joke when I first heard about it.

I'm baffled by parents apparently being so hung up on seeing the very first time something happens that they expect other adults to lie to them. It's bizarre.

Also, it is withholding information. My son was quite late to walk so I was considering asking the GP to review him. If he had in fact taken some steps when I thought he hadn’t, that’s important information.

in fact now I’m wondering if he did walk at nursery first and they didn’t mention it.

My DD2 appeared to take her first steps at a family gathering, while I was out of the room. When I came back in and she took a few steps, I said 'oh, look, her first steps'. Everyone looked a bit shifty, so I guessed that she'd done it while I was out of the room and they admitted it.

It never occurred to me to wonder if they'd been deliberately encouraging her to do it, because that's something that seems really normal to do when a baby is close to walking. I'd encourage any baby to have a go. I think you'd have to really dislike someone already to resent them encouraging a baby to walk.

Having missed what I thought was her first step, I asked at nursery and she'd actually walked there first, but they'd kindly not mentioned it.

I think my point is valid. They encouraged him to walk and he did. In five minutes. Why is my post stupid?

Strange people. My DP came up to look after DS1 so DH could have a couple of days away . My mum was very apologetic when we got back as he has stood up and walked a couple of steps. She said she probably shouldn’t have mentioned it but she was so excited.

I understand. My in laws were the same, my child didn't walk till 14 months and fil decided it was because we had a jumperoo.

My advice is to crack on parenting your child the way you feel is best and when they are going on with opinions act as if you are only half listening and not interested/bothered at all.

Ordinarily without reading the background I'm the thread I would've said let it pass they were just playing. But in this case I think they've been assholes!

Did your baby actually walk though? Or did they do the stagger between the two/falling with style? Mum of 5 here 😂 my guess is this and they are playing mind games with you.

He took first steps so what?? He will take a million more. What do you get if you were the first one who saw it? I am honestly baffled why this is such a big deal and people calling the IL awful. I can't even remember when my dc took their first steps, and one of them is 16mo! I honestly can't believe people make this an issue. You think your ds did this to show you up or your IL made this happen because they have the ability to make a baby walk when they say so?

On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

Can you be sure he even did? If you didn't see it they may be pissing on your chips just because they can.

@UnNiddeRides , I don't think your point is a all valid as after 40 years in paediatric medicine I know , that unless there is a developmental issue , children will walk when they are ready and you can neither make or prevent a child walking in normal circumstances.

But this is a contradiction. ’Children will walk when they are ready’. The OP’s child did; doesn’t that mean that he was ready? Or do you think that parents who sit a small distance apart and encourage their child to walk between them are not normal circumstances?

According to the OP , the PILs had been saying the child was ready and should be walking from about 9 months . Of course if they wait long enough the child will be ready . This doesn't make them right when it eventually happens.

And he hadn’t been walking at 9 months. Now he did so he’s ready. In the 5 minutes that she went to the toilet? In your experience do parents not do the ‘come to mummy-come to daddy’ learning to walk thing?

Your in laws sound nasty. Do you believe it really happened? Maybe they passed baby from one to another while holding baby’s hands and it wasn’t a walk at all, but they pretended it was to be nasty. How come there was no more walking after that - probably because it didn’t happen. I would look at it that way, they honestly sound like they can’t be trusted.

I would also look to distance myself from them. They sound dreadful. Sorry you have to put up with them. Ugh.