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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws and baby's first steps

364 replies

Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 12:27

First of all, there is a huge back story anyway.

But my question is, if you were a mil/fil, would you have done this?

Baby close to taking his first steps but hadn't done it yet. Mil and fil had been banging on for ages about how we needed to get him walking, he should be walking by now bla bla bla. Doing the arm dangling thing every time we saw them.

Baby was 13 months and standing independently so well on track with his development.

On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 08/04/2024 15:54

imforeverblowingbuttons · 08/04/2024 15:01

This. It's not like it happened while they were babysitting. They did it while she was in the toilet!! Of course it was deliberate

Show quote history

Yes I agree. Sounds like it’s part of a pattern of ‘proving ’ that op is a useless parent.

It’s very unpleasant and the DH needs to tackle it head on.

Apollo365 · 08/04/2024 15:57

First steps don’t count unless the parents witness it or they are filmed. IMO anyways.

LakeTiticaca · 08/04/2024 16:02

It's not a hill I would choose to die on. A kids gonna walk when a kids gonna a walk .However, since your FIL seems like a dickhead, I am pissed off in your behalf

Kitkat1523 · 08/04/2024 16:07

i couldn’t get worked up about this

Saymyname28 · 08/04/2024 16:12

If you see a baby take their first steps without their parents it never happened. I thought we all knew that . I would never tell someone they missed their baby's first anything.

CoddledAsAMommet · 08/04/2024 16:15

I have 4 DC. By chance, every one of them took their 'first steps' at the weekend when their Daddy was at home to see.

Because I'm not a knob.

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/04/2024 16:18

Is your FiL just a know-it-all in general? Did he actually have much involvement with his own children as babies? It may be that you are noticing it more, and more irritated, because he's now interfering in your family. Maybe point out that you're not bothered about your child's first steps but you are concerned about contact with people with so little emotional intelligence that they would brag about those first steps to you.

35965a · 08/04/2024 16:20

If you witness a baby’s first steps when the parents aren’t there (babysitting or nursery or whatever) you don’t tell the parents. It’s as if the first steps didn’t happen. Your ILs sound like pricks.

Original poster
Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 16:27

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/04/2024 16:18

Is your FiL just a know-it-all in general? Did he actually have much involvement with his own children as babies? It may be that you are noticing it more, and more irritated, because he's now interfering in your family. Maybe point out that you're not bothered about your child's first steps but you are concerned about contact with people with so little emotional intelligence that they would brag about those first steps to you.

He is the most insufferable know it all about absolutely everything. He could honestly lecture you over toilet paper. From what I've heard no I don't think he was involved much, he's very proud that he's never changed a nappy.

I've tried so hard to ignore him but it gets to the point where you feel like you are going to explode.

OP posts:
Original poster
Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 16:28

I take on board all the replies and thanks for not all tearing a strip off me even those who've disagreed.

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 08/04/2024 16:30

Ugh based on your updates I totally get it and poor you, they sound awful, especially FIL

GreatGateauxsby · 08/04/2024 16:31

InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow · 08/04/2024 12:35

That's a shitty thing to do.

In my pettiness I would tell them it wasn't his first step actually.

My mother (now nc) would do things like this when my oldest was a baby, I would leave the room for 30 seconds and he miraculously had his first roll, or laugh or whatever, she was bullshitting, but she took great pride in feeling like she took an experience away from me.

His first step with you is the one you'll remember anyways, whether he teeters between two adults pushing him to do it or not, you're his mum, and the stuff he does with you is the stuff that matters.

They know that and that's why they are trying to insert themselves into these important moments, but they can't take anything away from you, or your relationship with your boy.

Edited

Agreed.

What i would say is i dont remember my daughters first first steps.
She did a cute little toddle along side of the kitchen which we caught on camera and i always think of those as her first proper steps

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 08/04/2024 16:32

Solidarity. I have a FIL like that. Knows fuck-all about anything but views himself as an authority on everything. Including my own, much-studied-for, highly qualified, niche job. Drives me up the fucking wall. Constantly compares my children to his other grandchildren too and finds mine wanting. 🖕🏻

MorrisZapp · 08/04/2024 16:36

My precious only son laughed for the first time when smiled at by a visitor to my mum's house 🤣🤣 It was hilarious!

Previousreligion · 08/04/2024 17:37

GingerIsBest · 08/04/2024 12:41

Blimey, my family and friends and me and DH were all encouraging my DC to walk. I mean, it's a bit annoying if they are purposefully trying to outdo you, but I struggle to get worked up about these sorts of things overall.

But if its part of a long history of boundary pushing, I can see how it would wind you up.

This! I was actually there for the first steps, but I don't remember it. I do remember when dc managed to walk six steps alone, mainly because it was filmed.

Cestfoutu · 08/04/2024 17:54

I have looked after both my grandchildren since small, and I told my husband that if either of them walked for us before my DD and son in law, we would never mention it; we never did. It's unnecessary and unkind to steal moment like that, especially if mum has to work.

Hankunamatata · 08/04/2024 17:57

Nah if I was inlaw I would have lied or not mentioned it.

If makes u feel better mine took first steps at daycare. The way I looked at it was that I was seeing them take their first steps with me

JammieDodger4 · 08/04/2024 18:09

its about your child taking THEIR first steps. not about who documented it. did you expect your in laws not to try and encourage your child to walk at 13 months? I dont understand those saying they would have lied or not mentioned it or been upset with nursery for mentioning they walked there. We are mothers not owners, we want the best for our children. do you want to be there when they have their first kiss too?

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2024 18:15

Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 12:27

First of all, there is a huge back story anyway.

But my question is, if you were a mil/fil, would you have done this?

Baby close to taking his first steps but hadn't done it yet. Mil and fil had been banging on for ages about how we needed to get him walking, he should be walking by now bla bla bla. Doing the arm dangling thing every time we saw them.

Baby was 13 months and standing independently so well on track with his development.

On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

Because, whether or not they were making it up, they were being spiteful and making a 'point'

So they are arses

Beachhutgirl · 08/04/2024 18:17

I saw a friends baby take her first steps, when I was babysitting.

I have never mentioned it to her parents , her father told me a couple of days later that she was nearly walking, and her official first steps were about a week later.

I keep it as a happy secret, and it makes me smile inwardly when I see her (she's at university now)

Zyq · 08/04/2024 18:18

If you can do it convincingly, tell them that actually that wasn't the first time the baby did the walking-while-having-his-hands-held thing, but you don't count that as his first steps.

PlasticOno · 08/04/2024 18:20

Timeforsomecoffee · 08/04/2024 14:45

I'm not even sure what I wanted from this thread to be honest. I had a good relationship with my pil but after I had ds, although we haven't fallen out they have drove me slowly insane. It's not really my mil as much as fil who is an extremely overbearing man.

He has taken every opportunity to criticise and undermine. Weaning, walking, talking, sleeping, toilet training, mocking us for having stajrgates telling us we are making the house a prison. Mocking me over an allergy and questioning medical advice.

Well, tell him to pipe down and see less of him? He sounds insufferable.

KomodoOhno · 08/04/2024 18:30

My dd took her first steps when I was at work. My family rightfully never told me so I got to have my moment. I guessed it years later and my mum admitted it. What your in laws did sucks. I'd be angry.

Thulpelly · 08/04/2024 18:41

I didn’t see my little ones first steps either, I was at work, I was just excited they’d started walking. Sounds like there’s probably more to this with your in-laws though?

Differentstarts · 08/04/2024 18:50

Yanbu I think my eldest took her first steps at nursery but they never told me which I'm grateful for so I can now pretend I saw her first steps and live in happy denial about it

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