In laws and baby's first steps

[Timeforsomecoffee]

First of all, there is a huge back story anyway.

But my question is, if you were a mil/fil, would you have done this?

Baby close to taking his first steps but hadn't done it yet. Mil and fil had been banging on for ages about how we needed to get him walking, he should be walking by now bla bla bla. Doing the arm dangling thing every time we saw them.

Baby was 13 months and standing independently so well on track with his development.

On a visit they decided to stand him between them, coaxing him between them (while I was gone to the toilet) then when I and back announced proudly that he'd taken his first steps.

Letting yourself down badly today!

Wow, that's just so pushy of them.

I can't imagine forcing a first like that when the parent was out of the room. I think it's quite sad, that they just had to compete like that.

I've read on here of DGPs who have done the first haircut, bought the first pair of shoes, made the first birthday cake then insisting theirs was the "main" bday cake with the mum's one pushed to the side) all without asking and this is right up there with that.

I think I’d just be happy about babe reaching a milestone and the fact that they have grandparents who are invested in their development

You’ll have tons of firsts with baby, I bet you have already. Doesn’t take away from you as a parent, if you don’t let it

Hope you’re not too upset by it, if you are then maybe an open conversation with them is an option moving forwards. From the context it doesn’t sound like they wanted to take anything away from you x

Some ILs are idiotic like that.
Best to casualy tell them: oh baby did that few days ago.
After a while they will back off.
In the end they are most likely imagining thing as odds that child that is with you 24/7 suddenly starts walking when you leave room for two minues are nonexistant.

My MIL was like that.
Bought dress for DD and made a whole spectatle of how it is DDs FIRST dress.
I thanked for the dress and hanged her next to other dress I bought for first month photo as she inherited all other "gender neutral" from DS.
MIL saw other dress and stopped talking to me for two days all dramatic.
Like, I almost died birthing this baby, what is your issue with me buying a piece of clothing for her? Cow.

My very first day back at work when my son was 9 months old, I got home to my parents who proudly told me that he had taken his first steps. Turns out that they had held a biscuit to walk between them. It’s become a lovely family story/lore - that my parents taught my son to walk by brandishing a biscuit. It’s like a special thing between them (he is 19 now).

In general, I find life a lot easier by not getting upset and taking things like that personally.

How can she be patronising when she's actually not said a word to them?

I swear the calibre of this site's membership is sinking fast.

The thought process is patronising. "I'd better keep it a secret from my daughter that her child walked today in case she's too precious about seeing it herself and gets upset". I'd find it patronising if anyone had that thought process about me. GP or childcare professional.

I don’t even remember mine taking their first steps. I was there but this memory becomes I significant.

I reckon with the amount of full time working mum's and dads, I hate to break it to people but your kid probably didn't take their first steps with you .🙈 By far the vast majority take it where they spend the most time which is nursery or childminder or whatever. I'd wager to say virtually all children in full time childcare are watching a friend and take there first steps there.

I'm a MiL znd I would never bdhzve like thst. Babies do what they do when they're good and ready and not before. Pushing and competing is awful.

Don't invite them back.

I'm not stupid. In my second post I said exactly that. I work for the NHS in a role where it's literally my job to understand child development. I've said that a lot of my friends and colleagues are or were nursery staff.

That's not the point. We all know Santa isn't real, but we still want to see their little faces when he's been.

You can read thoughts? Blimey.

It's the intent. They've purposely encouraged it while mums out of the room briefly, no need what so ever.

My son never took first steps as such he was just happy walking. If your baby was independently standing why weren't you doing the same thing? Genuinely who cares - if they have done it once they'll do it again

People who are saying I'd feel differently if it was my own parents and that I was holding the baby back are way off the mark.

I always bent over backwards to be good to my oil. They were the first ones to see the baby in hospital. They were visiting every week for a few hours and us visiting them. I would drive over to them even when dh was at work. They came over nearly every day in the first week after ds was born when I had to listen to my fil droning on about breastfeeding, how to get a baby to sleep through, how we shouldn't hold the baby too much because we are spoiling him, eye rolling about safe sleeping.

I did what people always say and smiled and ignored. Tried to politely explain that we don't wean babies at 8 weeks anymore. It hasn't got any better as time has gone on.

I genuinely feel that the walking thing was a deliberate and pathetic attempt to fret one over on me.

I can interpret how I would feel about it happening to me, yes.

The only reason to withhold the information is if you think it is more important for someone to think they've witnessed it first than for them to know it happened. If anyone considered me to be someone who was more interested in my own experience than the development itself I would feel patronised.

The person withholding the information might not think they are being patronising because they might not think of it as a silly attitude like I do but yes, I consider it a patronising decision to withhold.

If it was a relative who did it to me I'd be a bit perturbed they'd read me so wrong. If I found out a professional had done it when I expressly asked them not to stick to their policy (written or unwritten) I'd be more annoyed.

Oh come on people. This is not a case of “someone else saw my child take their first steps”; this is “someone who has been hassling me about my child not walking over and over for months (and has undermined other aspects of my parenting) deliberately encouraged my child to take their first steps while I was out of the room for five minutes”. I can’t work out whether the posters who can’t see this are being deliberately disingenuous or are just a bit hard of thinking.

Oh gosh you're right. I should have been encouraging him to walk instead of locking him in a cage.

Luckily my pil were there to show me the way and rescue the baby while I was in the toilet 🙄

Nowt like a good swear @Couldntthinkofausername24 .

It's stopped me committing murder many a time! 😄

Exactly, thank you.

I'm glad there are people who can see this.

Most of the dgp who have replied have said that they wouldn't have acted like this.

Ooooh!

What burn that would be!

"What a shame, M&F IL, that's a bit like making a cat stand on its hind legs, isn't it? So doesn't really count..."

@Timeforsomecoffee I think a lot of posters are trying to highlight what cool, great, laid-back parents they are for not minding missing their child’s milestones, while at the same time entirely failing to see the context here and consequently missing the point altogether.

But also the thread has diversified as they usually do and I am indeed discussing the general idea that this information should be withheld rather than the OP's specific situation.

All of ours took their first steps at nursery and as everything had to be recorded in a book I knew they had seen before us. I think an awful lot of parents miss the moment.
Its not OK relatives push kids into it though and

I Think I would have kept quiet aswel and let you think you had been the first one to see it.

However when there’s one working parent and one at home it’s highly likely the home parent experiences lots of firsts that the working one misses out on. I’m sure they tell their other half when they get home.
So I suppose I’d put myself in that situation and wonder whether I would have told my dh or not.
Something to think about OP