To end my relationship for the sake of my daughter?

[Samcro7]

Backround -
Myself and my partner were childhood friends, Lost contact and then started a relationship almost 2 years ago.
I have one child from a previous relationship - Age 4.

We now live together but things are very hit or miss. We disagree on aspects of parenting and I believe that he is very harsh on my child, which I call him out for, he see's this as a lack of respect for him. I see it as protection for my child. He does love my child, they have a great relationship and he provides for us both.

I don't think he was ready to give up his 'Single' lifestyle, He constantly tells me that he's working himself to exhaustion to give us a nice life and provide for us. I also work almost full time but am still expected to be a house wife. I can't find any kind of balance.
He says that I take him for granted and don't appreciate what he's given up for us. He also states that he feels like I make him out to be the worst person in the world but can't tell me how I do this.

I'm at my wits end. I want a happy home for me and my child, I want to make it work but I just don't know how.
He clams up for gets very angry at the first sign of trouble and I don't want to live like this anymore.

I suggested that he takes some breathing space and gets away for a few days so he can really think about what he wants, Honestly I think I need it too. But he won't, he says he doesn't need this and would assume that I want a relationship break. This is not the case but I think we both need to calm down and re group

I love this man, he's my best friend and my safe place but I can't live like this anymore and I want to do what's best for my child.

End it. Don’t let this harsh arsehole bring unpleasantness into your kid’s life. It’s a no brainer.

End it. You're miserable.

And he may feel like your ‘safe place’ but he isn’t safe for your child emotionally.

Get rid of him ASAP. So many red flags in your post.

Can you go back to dating? He doesn't sound nice at all

End it for both of you. And work out why you think this difficult man is your "safe place". He sounds anything but.

Of course you should end it. Your child comes first. I would not want to raise a child in an environment where someone ’gets angry at the first sign of trouble’ or is ‘harsh’ - it’s toxic.

How can he be your safe space from what you’ve said?

I don’t think it sounds like an emotionally healthy relationship at all, you seem indebted to him for simply being in a relationship with him like he’s rescuing you and your daughter and so you need to put up with him lording over you.

Hes not your safe space - hes a controlling manipulative bully.

get your away from him now. This will only get worse BE WARNED

I'm honestly scared to go back to being on my own again. I think in Childhood he was my safe place and it's carried on. We were best friends all our lives and I had a very unhappy childhood, he was my only source of happiness. But his temper and the way he obviously views me and my child baffles me. I have offered to pay more for things etc but he always says he wants to be the provider and pay and be responsible for everything.

This man sounds absolutely awful. He’s abusive to your daughter, expects you to work FT and also do Al the housework, “wasn’t ready to give up his single life”, and resents pooling finances. End it.

Safe place? Cringe. Its not safe for your child to be around him.

There is another thread at the moment where the op has spent 8 years in a situation that sounds like yours. Her daughter is now 11 and her mother is still dithering about leaving the abusive piece of shit she has inflicted on her child.
As more than one poster replied ‘another woman putting cock ahead of her child’.

Why on earth would you allow this shitbag of a man to ruin your daughter's childhood? Because that's exactly what he's going to do.

I love this man, he's my best friend and my safe place

Come the fuck on, no he is not. Have you bothered to read what you just wrote? If this man is your best friend and "safe place", 🙄, you have serious judgement issues.

I love this man, he's my best friend and my safe place

How can this be true when his behaviour is significantly harsh towards your daughter that you are considering leaving him.

Stop the cognitive dissonance. He’s not safe or nice.

Moaning about what he’s ’given up’ to be with you? Rather than recognising it as a gain? Pfft! How insulting. Tell him to go sow his oats. You don’t need this man in your life and your child definitely doesn’t.

Best friends don’t treat you the way he is treating you. The way he talks to you it sounds like he thinks he’s come along and saved the 2 of you, and he’s not letting you forget it.

Best friends don’t make you feel like this.

You’ve been with him two years too long in my opinion. Protect your child. I grew up with this kind of behaviour when DM got together with someone when I was early teens, that damage has lasted my whole life, even though they haven’t been together for decades now.
Your poor 4 year old doesn’t deserve to live like that.

Being scared to be alone is the surest way to make poor relationship choices.

Don't let him 'provide' for you and your daughter, that puts you on a wrong foot and transfers power to him which he should never have. He doesn't sound a good sort of partner and I think your instinct to end it is the right one.

It would have been the right instinct a while ago too by the sounds of it.

We were best friends all our lives and I had a very unhappy childhood

Now your daughter will, too. That's the legacy you're creating.

He is not your safe space, you just feel a connection to him because of your childhood experiences. Feeling a connection doesn't automatically make someone a good partner, and your attitude makes you sound very dependent on him, which is also an unhealthy basis for a relationship. Above all, your child deserves better.

She does. I feel awful because her dad was abusive to both of us from day one. I thought when he left and new partner came back in our lives that everything would be okay. But I'm still hurting her.

This doesn’t sound good at all.