I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

[Lazykitten]

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

It's a shame they've chosen that venue. There's loads of upmarket restaurants in Spinningfields. I'm veggie and I'm generally pretty chilled about eating with meat eaters. My DH eats meat takeaways at home for example. But these Argentinian places are all about the meat. Served bloody. With chicken hearts and ribs etc. caveman food. Only been to one in Manchester and it smelt like a beefeater restaurant

Just say ok cool then come down with a stomach bug on the day.
they’ll know you’re lying, you’ll know you’re lying but they won’t be able to do fuck all about it- their own fault for their complete lack of consideration

I like risotto

' a salad bar ' oh for goodness sake you are expected to be happy/content with that ?!!!

and all this meat being in your face - the smell !!! the sight !

and no, whilst I would be very happy going there as I do eat meat I do not expect nor wish my vegan or vegetarian colleagues or friends to want to be there and I wouldn't even suggest it !!!

it doesn't matter that you are the only one, the very fact that you are one means that you should not be expected to go and actually somewhere else should have been chosen because you are mainly vegan !

they are excluding you by choosing that venue

and as for the horse racing - well !!!

They are fine though, aren’t they.

The issue is not that the OP won’t get fed.

Who chose horse racing? Your boss? Looks like there are some race lovers in your office.

Nope; the case law linked suggests that genuinely ethical veganism may be protected, but vegetarianism isn't - unless it's founded in a religious belief, when a whole other set of protections comes into play

I suppse OP could claim to have suddenly adopted Jainism, but that would look ridiculous. Better, surely, to do as many have suggested and go for drinks and leave before the meal - and if the managers wish to make an issue even of that, an approach to HR may well be appropriate

Initially I would Keep things bright and breezy « not the venu for me Steve twinkly laugh but happy to input into the restaurant choice next time »

Follow up with an email « Hi Steve as discussed I won’t be attending on x date. Happy to input into the venue choice next time. »

Any more discussion of you having to use annual leave on that day email him « Hi Steve, to confirm x day will be a normal working day for me due to my not attending the lunch. »

If there is any more nonsense get a paper trail « hi Steve to confirm our conversation earlier I have reviewed the relevant company policies and I am not required to take annual leave on x date because I am not attending the meal. Please could you point me to the relevant company policy to confirm your position? Happy to clarify this further with HR if you believe it is required. »

OP this is a tale as old as time to me, I grew up in dance schools. When I was 10 my class performed ‘itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini’ wearing just that. I actually found it very funny in my youth but I cringe at it now. So so many of the girls had eating disorders because we knew the costumes we’d be expected to wear.

Also salted fries, sweet potato, feta cheese and mint, mushrooms, garlic and cream, a rice, onion and egg dish, padron peppers served with lemon mayonnaise, truffle and Parmesan fries, grilled broccoli, roasted peppers, roasted potatoes with alioli.

A real tapas feast. And all unlimited too.

i think you’re talking about Fazenda and there are lots of vegan and veggie options in the Manchester restaurant. I get what you’re saying but the restaurant does cater for you.

This is such a ridiculous post.

Nobody is stopping you from eating meat. Nobody is failing to accommodate you. Regardless of your medical condition, you do not need to eat at a restaurant full of carcasses where meat is regularly carved at the table. You could just order a meat dish at a normal restaurant instead.

It's interesting that you apparently found yourself in "gastric agony" after eating a range of common vegetarian foods, and yet you find it "culturally offensive" for someone else to have a physical response to carcasses and carving meat at the table. Why would you think your extreme reaction to vegetarian foods is OK while taking offence at someone else's reaction to things that you like to eat? Are you always so narrow-minded and lacking in self awareness?

I honestly couldn't care less if you want to eat meat. You can eat whatever you like. If you're offended by my dietary preferences, frankly that's your problem.

I'm not a veggie but am revolted by fish so couldn't eat in a seafood restaurant so I get where you are coming from.

The HR manager who posted has given good advice.

I don't even think this is the point.

Even if there was only one crap veggie option, I would usually say that people should just suck it up. It doesn't really matter if you end up eating one crap meal.

This isn't about the actual menu, though. It's about the environment. I honestly couldn't eat anything in a place like that.

I’m with you on both counts - neither are appropriate work events. But I would absolutely boycott the races whereas I would suck it up and go to the restaurant.

The races you can draw a bright line at, based on ethics, but the restaurant you risk sounding fussy. If you would attend a regular restaurant that serves meat, then it’s hard to explain why “lots of meat” is suddenly unbearable. I get it, I wouldn’t like it either, but it’s not worth the battle.

And it’s not just a salad bar, to be fair. There are vegetarian and vegan mains and 3 vegan and 7 vegetarian sides.

As a meat eater i do not think you are being unreasonable to not go to either event.. A restaurant that serves meat on plates is one thing, a place where they bring large joints of meat to the table to carve is a step to far to expect a non meat eater attend.

If you’re pretty much vegan apart from blue cheese once every blue moon then fazenda will be horrendous.

I’m vegan and I got rail roaded into going there once and it was as horrendous. There’s a salad bar but most stuff has creamy dressing so couldn’t eat that. Few vegan options but you can’t be sure about cross contamination because you can’t help yourself.

You absolutely should not be forced to take a days leave if you don’t want to go.

The issue is really that the manager wants to scoff meat and doesn’t give a shit if you don’t. He’s just a selfish prick. Furthermore, to erase the problem for himself, he’s said you’ll have to take leave - that’ll easily explain your absence.

id tell him that as you see it, there are 3 options:

1. change restaurant to one that’s suitable for all

2. that you’ll work that day and go for drinks, but skip the meal.

3. he grants you an additional day’s leave and you don’t work that day, as it’s not appropriate for you to lose a day’s annual leave (as he previously suggested) due to being a vegetarian and being asked to go to a meat place where it’s carved at the table for every course

amd ask which he prefers, in an email so you have a record of it

That’s really rubbish OP, YANBU - they’re excluding you unfairly. It’s not just missing out on the meal, the social aspect of work is important for building relationships and getting ahead.

With the races, I know you shouldn’t lie but could you say you’re not comfortable being around gambling? I don’t go to the races mainly for the same reason as you but I always just mention gambling when invited. I don’t like gambling because of my ex so it’s partly true and people are less combative if I say that because they don’t feel like I’m judging their choices.

Thats really anti social for the other guests who are enjoying it though

Don't make others feel bad to make yourself feel better.

Sorry I meant you can help yourself*. So I didn’t know if someone had taken the spoon out of the cheese salad and put it into something else. From what I read in your OP I’m taking you avoid most dairy things too.

Who the fuck is in "gastric agony" from eating vegetables? That's just daft. Every vegetable?

Tbh I would absolutely love the OPs job - horseracing and massive meaty pigouts all on the company's dime, but I get why some people wouldn't enjoy it.

You could say you’ll attend but he has been warned about your gag reflex so if you do spontaneously vomit he was forewarned. Then sit opposite him.

Similar situation when I was told to have gas and air by an obstetrician, when I was giving birth to my 2nd child (when it had made me vomit badly with my 1st). I told him it made me vomit. He said it wouldn’t. So I used it and promptly threw up all his shoes. He left in disgust. Made the midwife’s day.

And the controversy continues... (apologies to the poster for the flippant WW3 reference)

In answer to a few queries:
Yes, the racing is at Aintree. Not the national but another race. I hadn't considered the gambling aspect. I work at a financial company and there's gambling aware posters everywhere!! It's a networking event with another company, but we both are owned by the same umbrella. 'Working partners' I believe is the term

I'm usually happy with any veggie options and tbf I don't expect the restaurant to offer much. It's the continuous carving and smell. Some one said up thread to sit at the end if the table - that wouldn't help. It's skewered and carved next to the individual. You get a slice then 4-5 mins later they come with a different joint and you get a slice of that. And so on it goes.

I agree that it would be better not to go under the circumstances. It isn't fair to spoil anyone else's meal.

But if the manager "forces" her to go by insisting that she takes annual leave if she doesn't, I think it would be perfectly reasonable for her not to eat anything. I would genuinely feel too sick to eat anything in a place like that, but I would try not to make a big deal of it because I wouldn't want to make others uncomfortable.

What I would probably do in this situation is go to work as usual and then announce that I was feeling unwell when the dinner was about to start so that I could excuse myself.