I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

[Lazykitten]

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

My work does this all the time too! I was the only veggie for ages but now there's a few of us so they've finally stopped taking us to a steak only (plus mezze for a veggie) restaurant for all celebrations. We have a team social coming up too and greyhound racing has been picked! I have two greyhounds, there's no way I'm going to that. I can tolerate sitting watching everyone eat steak while i have salad but greyhound racing is the final straw. I've said I'm not going and about half the team are defecting too. The CEO will get in a mood but stuff him.

Culturally offensive because she doesn’t eat meat?! Would you find someone refusing pork because they’re Jewish ‘culturally offensive’?! She’s in the UK, being vegetarian is very common.

OP, I’d write an email quoting the ‘inclusive’ nature of your corporate mantra and saying that the chosen restaurant is anything but, particularly given your area, hardly a dearth of decent restaurants!

As for the racing-organised already again? I’d also raise this, I bloody loathe it and was emotionally blackmailed into going for a mate’s hen. Take annual leave for the day if they won’t change the venue, but also make a complaint that you’ve already said you don’t wish to attend due to ethical reasons (you could mention how foals of other horses are culled/removed from the mares so thoroughbreds can be put on them as well as the inevitable deaths of injured horses)

Your company appears to be excluding certain people. Not very inclusive, are they?

I just looked at a menu of this place online. It lists its truffle and parmesan fries as vegetarian. Trouble is, there's no such thing as vegetarian parmesan!

On top of the four options, there are also salted fries, sweet potato, feta cheese and mint, mushrooms, garlic and cream, a rice, onion and egg dish, padron peppers served with lemon mayonnaise, truffle and Parmesan fries, grilled broccoli, roasted peppers, roasted potatoes with alioli.

All unlimited. I would be happy with this at a tapas restaurant.

As I’ve said, OP is not unreasonable to feel how she feels. But this isn’t like many normal restaurants that only offer one veggie option.

I love those places, but I'm a committed carnivore. I'd no more expect a veggie to go than I would fly to the moon.

It's performance meat.

I hadn't spotted that. I wonder if they use parmesan in the 3 out of 4 vegetarian options that are Italian in origin?

Those are sides, not main meals, and one of them is not vegetarian.

If your career is important to you, you should go to the event and play along. Maybe one day u will be the boss and do things your way.

You can’t always control the situations around you, there are people everywhere dealing with “vom” situations in order to get along to get ahead. They just go along to get along. Imagine all the non-Christians playing along w nativity play, and just Christmas, being forced to take holidays in Dec and watch their child play Mary or Joseph in a play!

At work you will (are) be viewed as inflexible, not a team player and just a challenge. This will impact your promotions, raises and opportunities. There are no rewards for the difficult person anywhere in life.

Don’t die on this hill. There is no winning for you. And there is every possibility that when there are choices being made, co-workers are choosing things just to annoy you, which isn’t nice but people do it and it’s not illegal.

At my prior work, a “gluten-free” person wanted everyone to respect their gluten “intolerance” for sandwiches & food at meetings and went on stress leave and tried to get damages when it wasn’t implemented - didn’t get a dime. Wanted all food choices to be gluten free. Caterer said could not comply legally & threatened breach of contract.

Another tried to get a dept boycott of Xmas party because they stopped serving “spirits” only beer/wineand was widely viewed as a jerk afterwards.

Non-golf player threatened lawsuit for “discrimination” in reaction to team building golf outing which included mini golf, and/or lessons.

No one will say it to your face, but they think you are being difficult and can’t understand why you can’t just “get along” and literally everyone puts up with “vom things” at work and in life.

I think you’re being pedantic. My point is with the 4 veggie mains and so many unlimited side dish options, there is plenty to eat for a vegetarian who also sometimes eats cheese.

There are four, two of which are risotto.
And the 3rd is rice based and the fourth is pasta. So carbs carbs carbs. That is not a good selection. What is the issue with restaurants rarely being able to be imaginative and provide veggie or vegan meals with protein. Like containing nuts, lentils, seeds etc. and er vegetables. The clue is in the name vegetarian and vegan. They're too damn lazy.

Op, don't go.

Anyone remember the thread a few months ago where Muslims were expected to attend a work meal served with alcohol after a day of diversity/inclusivity training and how posters were up in arms at the OP who felt it was unfair to Muslims?

Vegetarians eat cheese. They don't eat parmesan.

Quite a few more of those are ruled out if you are talking someone that eats vegan plus cheese.

I don't think it's pedantic to point out that sides are not a main meal, and that the selection of main meals for vegetarians isn't great.

I organise a lot of corporate dinners and would never book somewhere that only had meat options. Even some people who eat meat would find this kind of place a bit much. Has he not asked people for their dietary requirements before booking?

I think the manager is thoughtless for choosing a place which isn’t going to be enjoyed by meat-eaters and you’re unreasonable to ask lots of other people to change what they’re doing to suit your outlook. Either you or the manager could dial up the tolerance and understanding but you both get to choose not to.

I know where you mean and YANBU. I also don't eat meat. I'd refuse to go, but I'd also escalate. People will say it's not compulsory, it's fun, social etc, but as all the managers who have been trying to get staff back to the office know, it's the social charts, the tacit knowledge gained from rubbing shoulders with other staff that really counts.

I havn't been to my team Christmas dinner for a couple of years because the juniors that book it like those Brazilian bbq places, and I'm not paying £25 for lettuce and pasta. (Public sector, we pay for our Christmas dos), but I'll go for drinks. This year it coincided with an INSET day, so I was off. Our new high level manager is vegan. If it happens again, I'm escalating it to her. We also have a muslim colleague who feels uncomfortable eating where alcohol is served - we've had a team build afternoon tea recently!

It feels very "uninclusive" choosing a meat heavy restaurant. I've used quotation marks because I recognise that eating meat or not, is not in itself a protected characteristic; however religion is, and several religions have rules associated with meat eating.

I wouldn't waste a day's a.l for that. Just go to work and go for a drink, if they're paying then a salad then leave. Say you're tired.

I just looked at it and it looks AMAZING!! My dream….

but anyway not yours, but they do have both a Vegan and Vegetarian option alongside Halal. Honestly, you’re within your rights to say no but it’s not going to endear you to anyone. No-one is forcing you to eat meat and unless you refuse to ever be near meat at all times then it just looks like petulance. And it really won’t do you any favours to miss out on the networking and piss off management.

I've just had a look at the wording in the reward package:

'A company paid for team night out at a date and venue of your choice'

Ah right. It's not your choice!

🙄 There are other cheese options.

And given the restaurant say they ‘pride’ themselves in their inclusivity to vegans an vegetarians, it’s likely they’re using a vegetarian alternative to parmesan.

And yes, before you get pedantic about parmesan, they should call it a hard cheese or parmesan alternative.

I’ve been here. I’m not even veggie and it was too much meat for me. It actually made me not want to eat meat for months afterwards. They constantly appear at your table with more of the stuff, and it all looks the same but they sneak up on you and shout various names of meat at your table like TENDERLOIN?! CHICKEN HEARTS?! and the convo stops while everyone thinks about whether they want it or not. Totally shit experience. Don’t go. Do. Not. Go. Speak to HR. So sorry you work in finance (that’s the job I had when I went, too 😂)

I realise that there are other cheese options. It's just you mentioned 'vegetarian plus cheese' which doesn't really make sense.

Where did I say ‘vegetarian plus cheese’? I said ‘a vegetarian who also sometimes eats cheese’.

Yes - I got similar "FFS what's the matter with you?!" many years ago when I declined a works' do at the local dog track.

Like racehorses, dogs are abused, injured, dumped, beaten to death to save a vet's bill, sold on to even worse conditions abroad etc. Massive attrition rate. It's incredibly cruel.

I would tell him that whilst he might love getting his mouth around a lot of different meat, you do not.

Tell him you're not going, you will not be taking a day off either and you'll not be discussing it further!