I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

[Lazykitten]

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

We had relatives who lived near Ascot. My late husband would have nothing to do with horse racing on principle. The relatives knew this.

We were invited to stay with them. Got there. The husband smirked and announced that he'd bought us all tickets for Ascot.

DH: "I am not going to watch horse racing. I'll be impressed the day the jockey picks up the horse and carries it on his back."

The husband, glowering: "But I've bought the tickets!"

DH: Then you can go.

Thank you. I know it's a slight exaggeration but you understand the point

YANBU your work should accommodate everyone and no one should be made to feel uncomfortable. It's not as if Manchester doesn't have a billion restaurants that do a good selection of veggie and meat food.
I'm more amazed by the horse racing tbh. A work event based around gambling sounds like a terrible idea.

Avoid Bem Brazil it will turn your stomach no end.

It's more common than you would imagine.

When I was a young teacher, one "bonding" work event was a visit to a dog track.

With a vegetarian in the group they really should have looked at somewhere else.
The whole carving at the table is a real slap in the face to non meat eaters.
Ignore your boss, they are ostracising you by making this choice of restaurant.

Remind your boss next time to be inclusive!

Yep, and completely ignores that there are about 10 vegetarian/vegan options on the menu.

Anyone who has been to Fazenda knows that they don’t make a production out of the meat. The veggie options are better than at many standard restaurants.

I can see it back in the day when maybe people were less alert to gambling issues/animal welfare but there's no excuse now.

About 30 years ago I had a boyfriend from South London who enjoyed the dogs and it never crossed my mind it was off.

If it helps for Aintree, unless you’re in a box, you can wander round the outdoor bit and not even have to see a horse.

I don't think this example is relevant to a work event though.

In 2024 people can have an objection to any number of things, however innocuous. I knew quite a few people against golf, for example because of how environmentally unfriendly the courses are, with their water consumption and destruction of natural habitats. If you start pandering to everyone then it becomes impossible to organise anything.
Also @BloodyHellKenAgain you don't HAVE to gamble at the races. You can just wear pretty clothes, watch, have a drink, etc. Plenty to do around the area.

Now, I do think people shouldn't be FORCED to go. To anything. And many work events are restricted by corporate relationships, some companies have private boxes, corporate packages etc.

However, it's ridiculous to say that they shouldn't be organised. I think there's a fine balance between taking individual 'needs'/opinions into consideration, and all these other factors. Personally I think anything outside of work time isn't inclusive at all to people with other responsibilities but equally, if there's no expectation, it's fine to organise, for those who want to go.

I don’t work in HR nor am I veggie but my stance to horse racing and a red meat heavy restaurant would be hell no.

Vegetarian here and you are right to stand up against all forms of animal cruelty being supported.

Horse racing, greyhound racing whatever it is is completely unethical.
Just tell them they are barbaric pastimes and you are not choosing to be left out, they are leaving you out.

What’s wrong with a site seeing tour or a trip on a boat. They are not offensive.

They cannot force you to attend something which is cruel. Full stop!

How to say you haven’t read the thread, without saying you haven’t read the thread. 🙄

This restaurant isn’t the same as most @CreditKarm
. It’s a real celebration of meat with lots of carving carcasses at the table.

OPhas already stated she’d be fine with other ‘normal’ restaurants.

Your boss is a bullying arsehole.

I understand you don't have to gamble, but for me personally the possibility of animal cruelty would put me off and don't get me started on how unenvironmentally friendly golf courses are 😁
But, I understand its a difficult balance to strike.

Your boss is bullying you because deep down he knows he’s a knob.

Have a good Saturday x

If you were vegan that is a protected philisophical or religious belief under The Equality Act and your employer would be wrong not to have booked a place where you could have had a proper vegan meal.

www.vegansociety.com/get-involved/international-rights-network/veganism-workplace

I am not sure you would be able to object to what the others were eating though, even if you were vegan.

seems a very strange choice of place imo

Find an alternative venue and suggest that instead rather than just being negative and dropping out.

You might find you get support from others who might not fancy what's planned either.

If you're staying with the business, I would try to get more involved with event planning and being constructive, rather than just being seen as the party-pooper.

I’d choose this as my hill to die on. He’s deliberately excluding you due to your perfectly acceptable stance on animal rights. Forcing you to attend the races is disgusting, as is the meat bar meal. It’s no surprise that you’re the only female in the group. Your manager sounds absolutely crap, unworldly and inexperienced. I’d be making a formal complaint.

That's like saying you can wander around outside the abattoir

@category12 - harsh! There’s nothing party pooperish about having a moral compass.

There are four, two of which are risotto.

Unless you are classing chips as a vegetarian option ...

You are being bullied and it can't be much fun for you to be working for this awful man. I am so sorry you are having to experience this. Do you have any support from your fellow team members?
I would start to keep a detailed log for every time you feel excluded or insulted in any way and wherever you can capture evidence or try to make sure these conversations are witnessed.
It is obviously awful for a vegetarian to have to watch meat being carved and to have chosen the venue in the first place is bad enough but then to try to bully you into going along with it is even worse.
Good luck and do stand up to this treatment. Employment law is on your side and if you experience much more of this sort of thing you could stand to get some compensation and have the satisfaction of seeing the idiot lose his job so look on the bright side! Best wishes to you.