I've caused WW3 at work - vegetarian

[Lazykitten]

I'm veggie. Nearly vegan but once in a blue moon eat cheese so don't refer to myself as that.

We have a team meal booked. In theory it's for us plebs as a thank you for hitting targets. In reality it's to network with the big bosses who comes up to celebrate with us.

Meal is booked in Manchester in the evening at a restaurant renowned for its meat. You don't order a meal, they just come round with sides of beef,lamb, pork etc every 5 minutes and carve at the table. I'm not going to eat this. Nor do I want to sit there surrounded by meat, its been so long since I've ate it the smell turns my stomach a little. Plus it's Manchester not exactly a small town so there was opportunity to book plenty of other nice restaurants. So I've said thank you but no thank you as I wouldn't enjoy it.

Team manager says I'm being ridiculous. That there's a salad bar. And if I don't come I'll need to book the day off as leave.

We've locked horns before as in the summer we had an event at a famous race course - one where there are often fatalities. I said I didn't want to go as I disagree with horse racing, he pushed me into it, so I went and felt awful. I'm not going this year so I'm going to have that battle coming up too.

I'm not a confrontational person so this is really upsetting me. I just wanted to quietly decline but now it's blown up and everyone seems to have an opinion.

Do you think I need to suck it up and go?

The fact that he's managed to book a place that excludes the only woman could well put him in breach of equality laws, which will give HR conniptions.

Yeah, but cooked by this sort of restaurant? I'd expect it to be over or undercooked or made with white sauce or something.

I’m a meat eater, albeit I don’t eat much red meat. When I went to Fazenda I had the veggie option, the beetroot pasta was absolutely banging. The hot sides were really good too. The salad bar has gone downhill since I first went years ago, but I guess all that is irrelevant if you just don’t feel comfortable being in the vicinity of the meat. I did organise a Christmas party there years ago and when I found out one of our party was vegetarian, I offered to change the venue as I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable being around it. He said he would be fine and we went ahead as planned. Your TL is being a massive dick. As others have said definitely take it to HR, it’s bullying

Fair point. I've got a similar meal coming up at a burger place. The veggie options will be shit

Just looked at the menu.
Over £30 for a couple of sides and the salad bar .
As if you'd want to do that 😂
Not to mention all the different skewers of meat being shaved under your nose every 5 minutes.
I'd definitely take it to HR if he's insisting you have to go.

No, these are additional to the vegan and vegetarian menu.

And OP says she does occasionally eat cheese.

If it's Fazenda it's quite actually as @Inspiredpumpkin2 said!
I am veggie on religious days and was at Fazenda for someone's birthday. I forgot what I had but it was really good. Even a lot of 'normal' restaurants don't give their veggie options much thought.

However, I think a 'meat-heavy' restaurant on the whole is a stupid idea for a work meal. Not only is the cost per head worth it solely for big eaters, many meat-eaters don't like big chunks of it. And Fazenda, while a cut above casual dining isn't particularly upmarket or impressive. It's not Hawksmoor!

Shows a lack of common sense and basic Googling ability.

Tell him if he doesn't change the restaurant you will spread rumours about him

Your boss hasn't really thought this through, has he. Tons of PP on this thread have taken one look at the dinner senario and saw loads of difficulties with it in terms of excluding people on religious and cultural grounds. Does it not occur to him that if even one of the big bosses are Jewish, Muslim, Buddist, Hindu, vegetarian, vegan or has any kind of sense of cultural sensitivity he's going to look like a massive knobhead.

@GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour , I wonder if he feels safe in his choice because the higher-ups are all just like him? If any of them had a problem with it, presumably they would have let him know by now. Suggests that diversity and inclusion might be a bit lacking generally in the organisation (along with the fact that OP is the lone female).

As a practicing Muslim who is often expected to go on nights out where colleagues drink and eat with people eating pork and other non-halal food, I think you’re over egging this OP.

There are lots of veggie options and the staff do not skewer the meat in front of you. They quickly carve a piece and move on.

If you never eat at restaurants that serve meat then I would better understand your concerns.

Having said that, everyone should be free to make their own choices and you should not be penalised for deciding not to attend.

YANBU

there are loads of other places they could go surely. Not very inclusive to pick somewhere that doesn’t cater to the very mainstream dietary choice of vegetarianism

It does cater to vegetarians though, and vegans.

It's almost like having a meal at an abattoir but it's ok as they serve halloumi and a vegan burger

Just call in sick

I think you are spot on in your assessment, OP. He has made a poor choice of restaurant and does not want to be embarrassed in front of his bosses. Do not waste a day of leave to cover for him.

Get confirmation in writing that he cannot compel you to attend nor insist that you take a day of leave. Go to work as normal, attend the drinks, leave as they set off for the restaurant.

Bit of an exaggeration, most vegetarians eat in restaurants that serve meat as well.

If at all possible, I think you need to explain/seem reasonable whilst also standing your ground, preferably via email so there is a trail.

I'd be tempted to go with something like 'I realise that my decision to not attend the meal is confusing to some of the team but I wanted to reiterate that I am not in any way adverse to team events, my issue is purely that, as a long-term vegetarian, the smell of meat makes me feel ill. The restaurant in question has very basic salad bar options and it would be a waste of company money to include me. As this event is a reward for staff, I do feel I should have the option to opt out if it will be uncomfortable for me. I am happy to meet the team for drinks, as and when appropriate. I am not prepared to take leave that day as I am available to work. I will however consider taking a leave day for the races this year. If this isn't a satisfactory outcome for you then I am happy to sit down with yourself and a member of the HR team for advice on the best way to reach a conclusion. Thanks.'

Stand up for yourself, OP. And tell other team members to mind their nose!

exacfyl. They may serve food vegetarians can eat but it’s going to be a bit grim if they are veggie for ethical reasons to be surrounded by joints of meat. (I’m a meat eater btw)

Lifelong vegetarian so my idea of hell, wouldn’t even go in the door . Also very offensive to Jewish and Muslim attendees if pork is served and Hindus if cow is served.
I hope your manager’s response came in an email.

I don't think that serving veggie dishes when they carve the meat at the table is catering for vegetarians tbh!

I do eat meat but still wouldn't fancy this!

I guess I like my meal to arrive & tuck in!

But that's the whole point, isn't it?

The OP would be absolutely fine in an ordinary restaurant that "serves meat". This is different.

I actually think the vegan burger in an abattoir comparison is rather apt!!

I don’t see how this sort of ludicrous hyperbole is supposed to be helpful to the OP.

It is a bit of exaggeration but not far off. This isn't a restaurant that serves meat it's a restaurant that is meat focused. Like a steak bar. It's main selling point and focus is the meat

Exactly! Have this veggie burger while we make a show of carving the meat at the table.
Almost any other restaurant would be a better choice