Is this normal?? I fucking hope not

[IamaRevenant]

I had to call the police today about my stbxh. There were various issues but the main one today (well, over the last 10 days) has been him hiding my keys. So I can't leave the flat. I've eaten nothing but shitty white bread.

I called the police because I didn't know what else to do. They very helpfully came around and told me I should sleep in the neighbouring park because my husband is lead tenant. Sleep in the park with a black eye, a nose bleed and no access to housing. Because that wouldn't make people vulnerable at all.

Should there not be a bit more help ffs

I'm afraid I tend to agree . Why would the Police wait outside for an hour and a half if the husband has only been popping back a few times or not returned in the full ten days . They would have no idea when he intended to return home . Also, after waiting for this length of time , hard to think they'd then leave OP high and dry .

Are you safe now?

What's your exit plan in the event of a fire op?

They did not say go sleep in the park.

So you vote unreasonable? Are you the husband? Because otherwise you’re lower than low. Do you have any experience of DV? Why on earth would you call bs???

What like there is no shit policemen out there who stalk or rape women? Or make jokes about and to victims of DV?

Stop being so naive.

OP you have a plan today?
It would be useful to know whether they intend to bail and release today and what terms he is released on.
I hope you are ok.

OP sounds really unwell.

Of course complain. That's beyond ridiculous.

I do not believe we have been given the whole picture

Why not?

Because policemen are all upstanding and would never be misogynistic and rape and murder women... oh, wait.

The police waited for over an hour arrested your partner. But it seems it’s not your flat and no matter how awful your partner is the police can not just give you his keys. You do need to find somewhere else to stay, police can not provide housing regardless of how vulnerable you are. You are complaining about the police who have responded and done their job. I belive you were most likely upset about being told the truth about the flag belonging to your partner which there is nothing they can do.

In my experience, yes it is the general approach by police. Still trying to make them take my complaint seriously, 6 years on.

You will be confused by most DV victims then. It is the nature of abuse, things you would have normally managed to avoid when ok, seem insurmountable after years of being conditioned not to upset your abuser too much.

You know what the abuser can do, how will they react, how they will punish you and with WomansAid taking absolute ages to answer the phone (and mostly just signposting to other services that are more than likely overwhelmed) , the police reacting like this and people thinking you are an idiot, where does a victim draws the strength from to flee?

In that case you don't have much experience of the police.

I can well believe it.

Some of them are absolute arseholes and misogyny is rife. Not all, of course, but it's far from just one bad apple.

I’ve been locked in my house before.
op please make a complaint, as you say others don’t have the strength you have.

I took it that she can get out of the main building without the fob but not back in, not the actual flat which has a deadlock so once locked she can’t get out

I'd ring up womens refuge and talk with them. I wouldn't stay in the flat, because it's in his name and he can return after he's been arrested. For now, I'd keep the keys on you, always until you leave.

Hang on what? They literally told you to go sleep in the park? Those words?

Hi, everyone. The OP has had some useful responses here, but we will close this thread now due to the amount of troll-hunting posts.

Troll hunting breaks our Talk guidelines and posters who do this persistently will be suspended. Accusing genuine posters of being a troll can be distressing, while actual trolls feed off the outrage. The OP has been on Mumsnet for many years now and, while we can't ever totally vouch for anyone, we've no reason to think they're not genuine.