Is this normal?? I fucking hope not

[IamaRevenant]

I had to call the police today about my stbxh. There were various issues but the main one today (well, over the last 10 days) has been him hiding my keys. So I can't leave the flat. I've eaten nothing but shitty white bread.

I called the police because I didn't know what else to do. They very helpfully came around and told me I should sleep in the neighbouring park because my husband is lead tenant. Sleep in the park with a black eye, a nose bleed and no access to housing. Because that wouldn't make people vulnerable at all.

Should there not be a bit more help ffs

Why? Police are thick as fuck

He was arrested. No issue with that, it was warranted. The issue I have is the attempted confiscation of my keys and the advice to sleep on a park bench

In our flat we have a key fob. Without the fob you can't let yourself into the main gate or our actual block. So I could get out but not back in

But you could have let the police in surely, there would be an intercom system for visitors? I don’t know any police officer who would wait for 90 minutes to gain access to a property where someone had been assaulted, much less let the alleged perpetrator go without arresting them.

Why would they confiscate your keys? It’s your home, you have right of access and if they arrested your partner they knew you’d be safe until bail hearing.

I think people are maybe getting the wrong end of the stick of the point of my post here! It's not me getting upset on my own behalf, I can look after me. It's just... imagine your teenage kid being abused and being advised to go and sleep on a bench and that there's no help. I was just a bit shocked at that response!

The police would have buzzed every single flat until someone let them in.

Although most communal blocks have an emergency box that police and fire brigade can access.

Sorry bit confused here, you said "main one today (well, over the last 10 days) has been him hiding my keys. So I can't leave the flat. I've eaten nothing but shitty white bread." , "In our flat we have a key fob. Without the fob you can't let yourself into the main gate or our actual block. So I could get out but not back in"

You also have a friend who is very high up in women's aid, so you could leave the flat any time you wanted to see your friend. Instead you stayed home and ate bread?

Very confusing story so far.

I think people are maybe getting the wrong end of the stick of the point of my post here!

No, your story just doesn’t make sense.

Well yes of course there's an intercom. That allows you in if there's someone to answer. Plus you need a key.

Which there was not when I wanted to leave the flat.
Clearer?

OP you can contact Next Link too who are based in Bristol

https://nextlinkhousing.co.uk/

They're open at 09:30 in the morning.

If you need anything I'd see if I can help.

No, I’m unclear about why the police would sit outside for 90 minutes when you could have let them in.

Please say you’re safe?

She hasn't said where the friend lives

Which bit is confusing? I'm sorry if I didn't give every detail.

My friend is currently going through some very bad times so I don't particularly want to dump my own crap on her.

That still does not explain how she was locked in? she could still could go out and call her friend or shelter. Even if her friend lived at the opposite side of the country if she is high up they would assist if she contacted them. The story does not add up.

So he HAS been arrested but they still told you to go sleep in the park?

I agree that this doesn’t make much sense the way it’s been written.

@IamaRevenant

A&S have a zero tolerance response to DV, please report the responding officers and (if you feel strong enough) question their handling of your situation. Take it as high as possible.

What you have gone through is not acceptable and A&S need to be accountable for what they have done/not done and the advice they have given you.

Please look after yourself, I appreciate you are looking out for others who are unable to advocate for themselves but you have been treated disgracefully 😞💐

My friend is currently going through some very bad times so I don't particularly want to dump my own crap on her.

And yet you’ve said you’ll contact her about the police response? In her shoes, if you were going to talk to me I’d be much more interested in getting you help than dealing with the police response.

You do realise that not everyone is the same as you?

My friend lives less than a mile from me. She has also just undergone a double mastectomy.

I couldn't exactly ask for her help when she was in hospital.

Ye. He was arrested. He is still in a cell. But he has pushed for my keys to be taken off me. I don't know how it works either! That's why I made this post!

Fucksake.

I can't open the door without a key.

Again, not everyone's life is like yours.

I cannot open my door without a key. Nobody else can open my door without a key. Hence why I was locked in for 10.days.

It's really not that complicated.

Well yes of course there's an intercom. That allows you in if there's someone to answer. Plus you need a key

So you need a key to open your door from the inside to let someone in using the intercom?
😵‍💫

Why didn’t you phone someone to help you get break out of the flat? Had he taken your phone, how did you contact the police? Could you get a second key cut and hide it, has the landlord got a second ‘fob’?
None of this makes any sense at all. You seem to be making hypothetical suggestions about other vulnerable people, were the police confused about your circumstances?
Maybe you could clearly explain what your circumstances really are so that people could suggest how best to help you, rather than speculating about what you really mean.

OP if he's locked up then can you stay put until a decent hour and then leave before he returns?

Is it that as the lead tenant he has said you have no right over the keys, so the police aren't returning them to you and although you can get out, you can't get back in without the keys and don't want to leave as you have nowhere to go tonight?
And so police have advised that if you do leave tonight to sleep rough?
Did they arrest him for the assault tonight? It seems odd they would attend, wait for him, arrest him and then tell you to go and sleep in the park after locking him up.
We're all just trying to understand the situation.