Is this normal?? I fucking hope not

[IamaRevenant]

I had to call the police today about my stbxh. There were various issues but the main one today (well, over the last 10 days) has been him hiding my keys. So I can't leave the flat. I've eaten nothing but shitty white bread.

I called the police because I didn't know what else to do. They very helpfully came around and told me I should sleep in the neighbouring park because my husband is lead tenant. Sleep in the park with a black eye, a nose bleed and no access to housing. Because that wouldn't make people vulnerable at all.

Should there not be a bit more help ffs

Yes.

There's an intercom to let people in the main gates.

To open the front door I need a key.

You’ve been locked in for the last ten days? During which you have been contributing to banal mumsnet threads, and also got released from hospital?

Just to be very clear, if the door is locked from outside I CANNOT open it from the inside without a key! And there's the requirement for a key fob to actually exit the block. There is no way I can leave this flat without keys. Let alone enter.

I realise this is a weird set up for most and probably against fire regulations but I feel I've explained it enough for all but the deliberately obtuse.

Get a second key cut, buzz other flats when you need to come in. Or contact the landlord. There must be ways to get another fob - what do people do if they lose a fob.

Nice stalking.

I got released from hospital several weeks ago. There's not a huge amount to do when in hospital or sitting at home all day but scroll the Internet. Apologies for my banal posts.

But you have already stated you can get out now your changing story again "Without the fob you can't let yourself into the main gate or our actual block. So I could get out but not back in" .

Sorry but also what sort of building will not allow residents out of the building without a key fob/key? As some one already said you were locked in a building against your will forced to eat bread for 10 days and you have been happily posting on MN all the time and now don't want to leave as the police advised?

Why did you not call the police to release you in those 10 days?

Not adding up still I'm afraid.

I'm sorry you're getting a hard time Op. My aunt experienced yet another episode of DV today and was crying down the phone but still does not feel able to leave. Some people really think its as simple as walking out. My aunt is locked in too but refuses help at the moment and told me if I send police it would be catastrophic for her and she couldn't speak to me again.

What do you mean what sort, plenty? Shes said today and the last ten days. So could easily mean its happened on and off for ten days and she hasn't said on what days she's only had the bread. How do you know she was happy whilst posting? I've had a phone, not contacted the police and still been trapped in a situation, its not always as easy as people like you make out. Either shes making it up, and what difference does it make. Or she isn't and you are over simplifying her situation and picking holes in in. Not helpful at all.

I am so sorry op, I hope that you are safe and that you can get some help from Women’s Aid.
@RicherThanYew I have a friend in a similar situation, I’ve been trying to get her out for years. It is so difficult.

Just because someone has a mobile it doesn't mean they are able to reach out for assistance.

OP, I hope you have been able to get some sleep. If you don't feel able to bother your friend, (but I'd say, given the circumstances, bother away) then call women's aid. You need advice & quick.

I've never come across a block of flats where you need a key to exit the building. What happens if there's a fire?

I also don't understand why the OP has said she can leave without a key but not get back in, but then says she needs a key to get out. It doesn't make sense.

Sadly I can completely believe the part about the police not taking DV seriously

The key situation I get, she is saying she was locked in the flat not the block
in our old block

If the door was locked from the outside I would need my key to open it from the inside isn’t this common ?

the block to get in we needed a fob so we could get out without s key but not in.

I read this as her saying she can’t get out her actual flat without a key

but could get out the block if she could get in to the block which she couldn’t. If she could get out in to block then she could get out but not get back in.

I need a fob key to get out of the main gate of my building. If case of a fire the release mechanism is linked to the fire alarm and it cuts the electricity supply to the door so it opens.

I have deadlocks in my house. If someone locked those and then left with the keys I wouldn’t be able to leave the house either. I always keep a key in the deadlock keyhole (on the inside) for fire emergencies because it is potentially a risk if I cannot locate my keys quickly.

Those kind of locks do not have a catch or a handle that you turn to unlock from the inside.

Are you named on the tenancy or not?

Very confusing story but I don't think complaining about the police, or to the police, should be your main focus right now.

He has been arrested. You have a window. What are you going to do? To get yourself out of this?

I am sorry this is happening to you.
Are you named on the tenancy?

What did they literally say though? Like, verbatim. This sounds like a rather dramatic paraphrasing.

Definitely would be a valid point to take issue with their delivery or tone, but some reliable context would be helpful first.

Why wouldn’t you believe her? It is literally what her post is about. I’ve heard police say some pretty crass things so it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.

So he’s been arrested, and yet he can still “push” for the police to confiscate your keys?

none of your explanations are making much sense I’m afraid - perhaps you should give the general women’s aid number a call if you don’t want to bother your friend - she’s not the only person who can help you escape the relationship

Had he not been back for 10 days? Or was he coming and going during that time?

So the police waited outside for an hour and a half while you were locked inside, as in you could leave but not get back in, and I guess because you could leave they didn’t think it worth breaking in? Or state that you are required to be given a key as a tenant?
im glad they arrested him at least… someone local should tweet them ‘Bristol police is suggesting a dv victim take her black eye sleep in the park because you can’t make her violent partner tell you where her door key is as he’s lead tenant standard operating procedures? How many beaten women have you recommended bed down in the local park this year?

I'm sorry, I'm not saying I don't believe you, but you MUST have got the wrong end of the stick. They arrested the perpetrator for DV but tried to take your keys and told you to sleep in the park? This just doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter if he's the lead tenant if he's been bailed not to come back to the property. You can apply for an occupation order to stay there while you sort something out. I just can't see how police would advise something so incorrect and far from procedure.

It sounds like you’re a permitted occupier rather than the two of you being joint tenants. Ie you are not liable for the rent if he stopped paying. I agree with the advice from Milton to get an occupation order. Here’s a link. https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-occupation. I know you said you’re posting this on behalf of other women and I’m glad your friend can help you.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was implied, but I would be surprised if it was literal.