I feel like my daughters dance school is inappropriate

[grossedouteurgh]

Got back this evening from my daughter's dance school performance at the local arts center and was horrified.

Prefacing this by saying I have had a few issues in the past with what I feel is money grabbing (introduced a charge of £20 recently to drop kids off in the car park. Their studio is on an industrial estate - why?!! This only serves to put safety at risks/makes money).

Also feel they have such a feeling of superiority and favouritism at the school which I don't think is healthy to foster in teens and pre teens.

Anyway, got home this evening from the Easter dance show and literally feel sick. I've seen more clothes on moulin rouge dancers and the way they had them gyrating over the stage is just gross. I filmed some of it because it genuinely felt like a strip club, and if that was my daughter I'd be horrified (she's still in a class below).

I obviously won't share but we're talking flash dance style, suspenders, gyrating... from 15/16/17 y olds.

It made me feel so awful.

I guess the parents in this situation are brainwashed by the school and it's a step to the next thing?

What can I do? I don't want to let this lie.

She means just pulling her out isn't enough; she wants to do more.

Why are you allowing something that makes you feel sick to look at?

My girl’s football club has a large number of dance school refugees- they seem to flee dance around 11/12 and are great and perfect for football- fit, good cardio, strong legs and excellent footwork.

It's her friend's daughter.

I agree with this

If anyone wants an example of what the Americanisation of dance is like should google Irish dancing, especially at the top end like the world championships.

Curly wigs, tanned legs and face, full theatre still makeup - all on little kids. It’s utterly gross.

This has reminded me of the girls who performed a dance from their dance school in assembly in their primary school, and which I found worrying, and thought the man who ran it was suspect. He obviously wasn't and was just like all the others. I couldn't find anyone else worried about the age inappropiate moves and held my tongue.

We had this with a street dance company that was operating out of my DCs school. We went to one performance where I couldn’t believe my eyes at what they were wearing /how they were being told to perform / how the ‘instructors’ were acting🥺 & I am no prude!
Swapped street dance company’s & it’s a different vibe entirely, skilful, body confident but not aggressive or sexualised.

The problem is with the leadership - take a look at who runs the dance school, would you want your child to aspire to be like them or not!

Yes agree those curly wigs or hair styles are ridiculous looking, no idea who came up with that idea, much better to allow the children’s natural hair and no fake tan on children!

Again as another pp said there were so many dads, grand dads and brothers in the audience last night and they must have not known where to look.

You see I have a problem with this.

Girls of 15-18 should wear what they like. The physical act of dance often means tht it easier/safer for tighter clothing to be worn. In my experience girls have gained confidence in their bodies through dancing - they are confident in the moves which gives confidence in themselves. My DD danced at a lovely school from 2.5-18. They only did a show every 2 years, the remaining time they concentrated on exams. Many of her dance friends had been with the school for a similar time. They were all different heights and sizes. No one was singled out. But yes, as they got older, their costumes, for some routines be ame more mature.

If the men in the audience felt uncomfortable I would say that was on them, not the performers! Why should young women have to change their appearance just to make the men feel comfortable?

You haven’t got a problem with young girls wearing suspenders?

Re it being in keeping with Chicago, my dd14 did that song in a school variety show and they just wore little black dresses not underwear and suspenders! So there's no excuse.

“”I don't feel like it's enough to pull my daughter out though - how can I report this/escalate it? I feel there's so many vulnerable girls here on a stage with no clothes on, dressed up as art/dance and it's not right.””

Yes it’s cringe and inappropriate. Nothing will change whilst parents have the same attitude as you. Read back your comment…” I don’t feel like it’s enough to pull my daughter out”
Jeez… your actions don’t match your concerns

Do dance clubs have welfare/safeguarding officers like sports clubs? I would be straight on to them, and if I got nowhere with the club be escalating to the local MASH. Inciting children into sexually provocative behaviour/poses, even fully clothed, is a major safeguarding breach and potentially a criminal offence.

We had a similar experience with my children's dance school, although I don't think it was as big a business as the one you're talking about, @grossedouteurgh

We were horrified at some of the sexualisation of the teen classes. We sent an email to the main teacher who responded so nicely, said she could see our point and they would be more careful in future. Worth a try, although it doesn't sound like your school would be as receptive.

Actually you have said at least three times that you don't want to pull her out. Do you think the other parents aren't seeing their children on stage? Frankly I would mind my own business. It wasn't even your child in the 'scanty outfit'. If parents are uncomfortable then let them complain.

Not a dancer myself but the parents I know on social media living through their kids posting pictures of their kids made up to the nines in leotards is grim. DD7 went to our local dance club for a few months and decided it wasn't for her which I was quite pleased about. Don't think I've seen or heard quite so much competitive parenting before and I have a DS who plays football at a reasonably high level.

Honestly, it seems that you have issues with the school that have gotten worse and this is your way of trying to 'punish' them or bring them down a peg or two rather than any real concern for the kids 🤷‍♀️

My girls never did dance, not our thing, but it's not a secret how these places operate. You've seen this for THREE years so surely you'd assume if other parents had an issue, they'd have spoken up? I mean, you say it's a 'proper' school who does all the exams so what are you expecting here without admitting that you filmed it.
Have to say, if I was a parent and knew you'd filmed MY child for your own reasons, I'd be furious. I'd be the one wanting action taken tbh.

Move your kid, absolutely. You shouldn't be sending her somewhere you don't feel is appropriate. Then move on because I don't think anyone is really going to appreciate you trying to 'protect' their teens 🤷‍♀️

Yeah, it's inappropriate. Move her. Tell the school why.

Tbh my dance school was like this, but that was back in the middle of the '90s.

Appalling situation and so sad to hear what is happening. Not sure whether you can report your concerns to police (grooming) or local lado (safeguarding). Check their advertising - if it doesn't match what they do, report to advertising standards for misselling. Possibly find out who owns the land/building and report to them about the cones/charging to park to drop children. Sounds a really strange set up.
Really hope you can find a more suitable alternative dance school for your daughter.

But that wasn't your first thought - it took posters to point it out before you changed your mind and I can't fathom how despite you being concerned enough to write a post about it, that she wasn't already pulled out.

Posters are allowed to change their mind over the course of a conversation. What is the point of AIBU if everyone sticks to their first thought or comment? Posters frequently get roasted when they do this. I hate this picking up of an earlier comment and badgering the OP, who has clearly said several times now she is pulling her daughter out. She might have been mulling over her thoughts, not posting clearly because she was upset. Give the woman a break.

I think it's up to the parents of those girls and the girls themselves to say something about the acts they disagree with.

I remember when I was a teenager and we had our foorball conditioning training in the same gym as one of the more known local dance groups (similar age to us). The contrast was so staggering when a group of footballers showed up in football shorts and t shirts and the beautiful small framed dancers were wearing the tightest and skimpiest sports bra and 'shorts' grinding and hip thrusting to Usher. And since then I've paid more attention to the dance groups. Some are ones where I would send my kids, some not.

Also £20 for drop off would piss me off so badly.

Some of the hair, makeup and costumes on dance girls is so trashy and completely unnecessary. But you see it in things like olympic gymnastics, where the boys get to display pure gymnastic talent in longer shorts and wearing a neutral expression, while the girls get glittery leotards and have to smile/flirt their way through their floor routines. Gross.