I don't want to be tracked by my husband's ex-wife

[gotellitonthemountain]

My stepdaughter has just got her first phone. Her mum has put a tracking app on it, which my husband also has access to.

I just don't feel comfortable thinking of SDD's mum following our every move on the days she is with us.

AIBU?

This tracking is evasive

plus what would mum do if she does turn it off complain then you’ll have your answer. who’s she really tracking

plus why the hell would an 8 year old have a phone

It would worry me if she wanted to track my phone. But she doesn't. She's tracking her daughter. You're overthinking this I'm afraid unless you lead some kind of exciting alternative life where you go to secret locations.

FWIW we have all of our family on find my friends. No one seems to care. Other than the odd text from mum MIL who notices I'm in a different office we don't even remember it's on!

Disable it when she's with you.

Yabu. She not tracking you. It's not about you

If it's something they want to do, would they be willing to leave their phones at home?

If they aren't, then maybe it's not things they are particularly interested in anyway.

Edited to say that I realise the last sentence could sound snarky, but it's not meant to. It's just an observation. If someone said to me 'you can go to this amazing place you really want to go to, but you can't take your phone', I would. And I'm phone addicted!

I genuinely don't understand how tracking your children "keeps them safe".

I'd hazard a guess that the majority of posters who can't understand why this is a problem for you aren't stepparents. It's hard enough having someone's ex in your life, constantly judging everything you do. I'd hate this too. I hate that the bitch even knows where I live.

Can you turn the tracking off when she's at yours or leave the phone at home?

Like, how the fuck did we all survive as kids?

Do kids get their first phone at 8?

I'm pretty sure the parents of those who went missing would have loved a tracker.

Its easy to get all sanctimonious about being such better parents who don't need to track their kids because it's so rare - until the worst happens and you desperately wish you'd followed trends and track your child. Even if it's possible they don't have their phone on them at the time or someone took it off them. The slight chance for such little inconvenience is worth it if you all agree

Yabu, it's not about you, they are keeping track on their child. Where are you planning on going that it bothers you so much?? Presumably your oh can also monitor when she is with mum, but does he?

Personally I've never used tracking apps as my kids are teens and I know that the tracked teens just leave their phones at a friend's house and go out without it, to avoid detection, but that's by the by.

I doubt her mum is spending her free time tracking every movement but suppose for a moment she has nothing better to do...why do you care??

"Do kids get their first phone at 8?"

I would assume that any child who lived between two families would have the means to contact their other parent as soon as they were old enough do it?

I’ve given an example of why my son and I have eachother on find my iPhone thing on the previous page.

He’s very vulnerable but is an adult, he deserves to be more independent but is at high risk of getting lost / getting on a wrong bus / deciding to go off somewhere either alone or with someone and not knowing where he is. He also worries about where I am when I’m coming to collect him and phones me every two minutes which is annoying and dangerous when I’m driving, so with this on his phone he can track me.

"Its easy to get all sanctimonious about being such better parents who don't need to track their kids because it's so rare - until the worst happens and you desperately wish you'd followed trends and track your child."

I'm not sanctimonious. I'm just practical. A child that knows they are being tracked will leave their phone behind if they're doing something risky so won't be able to call for help. A kidnapper will ditch a phone immediately. A "tracking" family are less likely to have plans in place to deal with unforeseen circumstances. And a girl who is used to being tracked is less likely to resist a controlling partner.

@Dullardmullard yes but good luck telling a teenage stepchild that you want it switched off. Find My Friends can also be switched off.

And m, as with everything, there are circumstances which change the perspective. There are children with particular additional needs or health issues where tracking could give more, rather than less freedom. My dd had an activity that was potentially dangerous which she loved to do alone, and tracking meant she could do it and be rescued if she got hurt- it was turned off as soon as she got home.

But for the overwhelming majority of children in the overwhelming majority of circumstances, it's a negative, not a positive.

The mum can't turn up to wherever we are though if the child tells her afterwards. And yes, some mums are that crazy.

My nephew got completely lost trying to navigate off the train to a football game and had no idea where he was. My sis jumped in the car and used the app to just navigate to exactly where he was. It's really worth having it.

Plus the amount of times my daughter loses her phone means it's invaluable 😂.

They can switch it off themselves and most teens I know don’t want tracked step or otherwise

Read what you have written. Feel yourself going red as you cringe with embarrassment.

I'm sure the child's mother couldn't give a hoot about you.

You can’t just turn it on and off that easily. Better to just have it on all the time.

In fact this reminds me of a programme I watched where the child as a baby was implanted is this what we’ll be doing in the future as most of you think it’s normal to be tracked by phone already. We don’t need monitored 24/7

oh and the nephew why didn’t he phone mum and tell her where he was by the signs and landmarks. I’ve done that with one of mine and we managed to get him to the right place along with a policeman guiding him too.

I have family link on my 10 years old daughter's mobile. The app allows me to put how much time she is allowed on screen, set up downtime. It also have location tracking, I rarely used it but it was useful the day ex husband had an argument with her and she stormed off, would not answer her phone and he did not know where she was.

@letstrythatagain "My nephew got completely lost trying to navigate off the train to a football game and had no idea where he was."

Did he not have a navigation app on his phone? No shops to pop in and ask directions?

Unless it’s password protected and the child doesn’t know it yes it can